What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[FightingLily]

"Stop being a victim!" When they hurt you on purpose.

I've heard this a dozen times. I think it is the most deplorable, most insensitive thing a person can say. Some people just get off by being mean.

I've heard "well, your should have done this... or done that" about my trauma. It's kind of like saying, I deserved it because I didn't do this or that.

 

[Ace Ventura]

Perception of others

From Moonshadow: "I also believe many people think I'm a little crazy. I let them think that. I see it as a good thing, if people are a little afraid of me. They're more likely to give me my space."

My husband has observed the same phenomenon with his PTSD. He's found it very helpful in maintaining his space, too. Thanks for the observation.
Ace

 

[Target]

y most recently heard comment was "You are making roadblocks for yourself". This was from someone who has a great husband, wonderful family, all the help she needs and will inherit tons of money one day. She did not have to fear for her safety, day after day after day until she herself was actually changed into someone different. I hope she NEVER has to go through what I did. I would not wish it on anyone. I would ask for understanding though.

 

[lnicho7]

"why didn't you cover your drink and watch it?"

Oh yes I am sorry I should have known that some sicko would try to rape me and it might be my fault since I didn't have my drink covered. Well, it was a friend and I didn't think he would do that to me....

 

[Mina]

I'm sorry, I just got off the phone with my real mom, and I need to vent because most of the conversation was "things you shouldn't say to someone with PTSD" but she did. We are not terribly close, but I consider her part of my support network. I am reconsidering how she is included in that network now. I realize she's in denial about a LOT of things, so I pity her, but the conversation was upsetting nonetheless.

She asked me how therapy was. I told her I thought it was really good, that I was really trying to work through things and that I am realizing connections to things from my unusual childhood. I said very plainly, "Please understand that this isn't a critique of anyone, nor of how I was raised. It is what it is. I am NOT blaming anyone." To me, finding these connections is difficult but great, because it's helping me understand where I'm at. I'm not resentful of how I was raised, but I do acknowledge that it helped "fill" my capacity for trauma.

Her response was, "Well, I guess I never thought you really had anything that bad happen to you as a child. And people go through so much worse than a dogbite. Your therapist is really making money dredging up all this old stuff...she'll always have a reason for you to be there. Can't you just move on? I mean, shouldn't you be trying to get over it?"

It made me want to cry. Like I'm NOT trying? Like I'm NOT spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars out of pocket trying to dig to the bottom of things? Like I HAVEN'T vastly improved over where I was even 5 months ago? :wall:

 

[andy o'hara]

The only people I expect to halfway understand what going through therapy is like is (1) my therapist and (2) other people going through it.

You may have kicked up some fear or defensiveness on the part of your mom, who isn't hearing your explanation. This will be some good stuff for you to discuss with your therapist when you next see him/her.

Another one I can't stand, by the way, is people saying, "Been there, done that."

 

[Jet]

A family member said to me "I don't believe in PTSD" ....but the absolute worst was the person who said (shortly after I released my girls for adoption) "but it has been 3 months...you should be over it by now"

 

[Charles]

Another one I can't stand, by the way, is people saying, "Been there, done that."[/quote]


and the almghty "I got the T-Shirt"

as if

 

[pandora]

You are getting alot of mileage out of this......

This one hurt me alot!!!!!

 

[wolfalohalani]

"I'm surprised your wife doesn't just hit you."

Big apology when I went pale and nearly threw up, but still.

 

[gentlelady]

I have also heard most of what has been previously mentioned. Another one that gets me is "Oh, it wasn't really all that bad." Ummm.......Yeah it was and is.

 

[Moonshadow]

My grandmother called me yesterday, to wish me a happy birthday, which she does every year, without fail. She asked me how I was doing, physically, and I told her the truth (not good), and I mentioned that my physical problems stem from my psychological problems, i.e., PTSD. These exact words came from her:

"That's all in the past, you have to put it behind you."
"You can't let those people keep hurting you."
"That's not who you are."
"You are not some weak, defeated person who wants to give up."

Now, I know that my Gramma loves me, probably more than anybody ever has. I know she would never want to offend me or hurt me. She wants to help me, she just doesn't understand. Even still, it's so frustrating to hear those things over and over again, especially from people whom I know really love me.

I tried to explain it in the most direct way possible, that PTSD affects the way the brain functions. It's like I'm constantly trying to hold back a flood of memories and thoughts that are very painful. It's exhausting, debilitating, and not always successful, since there is a constant trickle that still makes it through, no matter how hard I try to hold the dam. Sometimes the dam bursts, and the resulting flood is utterly devastating.

I also told her that this is who I am, and I am not weak and defeated. I am a wounded warrior, scarred and battle-ravaged, but not weak nor defeated. I'm still fighting, I'm simply worn out and tired, and my body is showing the fatigue.

I asked her to do some online research on PTSD, specifically Complex PTSD, and try to understand that this is not something I can just choose to "put behind me".