What Were You Like Before Ptsd?

[frozen]

If you were confident, independent, level headed, in control and secure to name a few stronger personality traits, do you feel the PTSD may be worse in these types of people?

PTSD seems to take all these things away, and we are left with nothing to fall back on, or hold on to. We aren't used to that and wonder if it cause more and more trauma? The snowball effect.

The stronger you are, the harder you fall?

 

[intothelight]

Frozen,

That is an interesting statement: "...stronger you are, the harder you fall?". I wonder if we hit the point where we are relying exclusively on ourselves, afraid to trust, to be vulnerable, or to depend upon others. Maybe that is what makes the fall so hard, as there is no one to break, stop, or catch us when we finally topple over? Or maybe we don't allow anyone?

What I was on the outside prior to symptoms peaking, was not who I was on the inside. I can't really remember a time without fear, lack of confidence, insecurity, etc. I was just better at keeping the mask on and stuffing the feelings. They were there, I just denied there existence and plowed on.

Deb

 

[Froggie]

...do you feel the PTSD may be worse in these types of people?

It would take some research to answer that question, all I know, and from what I've read on the threads here, PTSD is devastating for everyone. Some aspects of the person's personality is more affected than others and yet can be similar to others.

...we are left with nothing to fall back on, or hold on to.

It truly feels that way, stripped of what we were used to be in a spontaneous way. Now it is not spontaneous as there is a sort of paranoia hovering ... no more trust, lack of confidence, guilt, shame, loss of direction, self-blame, self-hate, isolation, etc. The list is long. We have to go through all those aspects to find some empowerment and self peace otherwise we go bonkers !

I used to be self-assertive, strategic, logical, social life, no lonely moments (no time - always busy), always projects, full family life, family meals at my place (now I don't feel confident that my meals are good).

Don't know if this answers your questions, but I gave it a try. They are good questions.

 

[piratelady]

I used to be a lot more trusting of my friends with my feelings. Now I am not. I fear what people will say or do if they know I am vulnerable emotionally. I also used to have this drive to do great things with my life - like finish college. Now I tend to either sabotage myself or just shut down before I achieve the things I want in my life.

Frozen,
Maybe that is what makes the fall so hard, as there is no one to break, stop, or catch us when we finally topple over? Or maybe we don't allow anyone?

I have wondered this myself, but the fear of allowing someone in always gets the better of me. It's hard to let someone in and ask them for support or help. In the end, I imagine it does make our suffering worse and our falls harder.

 

[frozen]

That is an interesting statement: "...stronger you are, the harder you fall?". I wonder if we hit the point where we are relying exclusively on ourselves, afraid to trust, to be vulnerable, or to depend upon others. Maybe that is what makes the fall so hard, as there is no one to break, stop, or catch us when we finally topple over? Or maybe we don't allow anyone?

What I was on the outside prior to symptoms peaking, was not who I was on the inside. I can't really remember a time without fear, lack of confidence, insecurity, etc. I was just better at keeping the mask on and stuffing the feelings. They were there, I just denied there existence and plowed on.

Exactly! Better said than I.

 

[Abrasky]

If you were confident, independent, level headed, in control and secure to name a few stronger personality traits, do you feel the PTSD may be worse in these types of people?

Great questions.
PTSD seems to take all these things away, and we are left with nothing to fall back on, or hold on to. We aren't used to that and wonder if it cause more and more trauma? The snowball effect.

The stronger you are, the harder you fall?

I was immediately before my PTSD thriving chosen to be a deputy fire captain in a fire brigade due to my many fine qualities and had a drive for work and study that was unbelievable. I also had a good social life. There were many many qualities, not just drive, about 300 qualities, that I have recovered one by one through a slow process like trying to get water out of a rock.

My strongest personality trait, my ability to separate from my family and be my own family of one is the one that I lost just before I got PTSD. It had very powerful feelings of rescueing through my work ethic in this trait. So it is interesting you say the stronger you are, the harder you fall. I sought of always thought that too, like that I built up too much so that when I fell harder kind of feeling.

I think having been through trauma for many years I felt about things too powerfully or not at all dissacotiated. And that sought of a polarised way of thinking, The brain thinks incorrectly for a long period of time. and during a trauma, too many powerful and numb feelings collide. I have no idea if that is what happens, but it is what I wonder about sometimes.

INteresting about not being able to trust anyone anymore causing you to fall harder too. Generally when i have had the 2 most traumatic times in my life, the people that I trusted shattered that trust, and I wanted to be alone like I had a fear of being close to people then got PTSD.

 

[Abrasky]

Also what makes a difference is support and feelings on whether you were ethically wrong in your trauma. I have been through other traumatic things since I started healing like witnessing a road death and having nearly died from dangerous kidney failure insulin lows while I had a 2 month old baby. But I had a very supportive husband and parents in laws and that makes the difference. I never got PTSD from these, and never thought I did anything wrong like with the first trauma.

 

[frozen]

Maze, that makes so much sense!! I have also wondered about this as I also have had some "traumatic" exeriences that never caused me trauma....hmmm interesting!

 

[Froggie]

A few months back there was a really good documentary on that question ... why are there traumatic experiences that don't affect certain people. One of the reasonings behind this is that they are basically psychologically strong, but at one point they are confronted with something that goes over and beyond their capacities - this is very hard on them (I'm part of that group as I have been exposed to other traumas without having PTSD). It's facing a "weakness" that was not part of our lives, it is soooo difficult to deal with that.

With some insight into my own history, I was exposed to different situations (dysfunctional home, ran away, marital violence, etc.) that probably did some wearing down on the psychological barrier that was protecting me so when THAT event happened - I just cracked, like a faulty dam.:cry:

 

[frozen]

It is really interesting...

And don't worry Froggie, we're all cracked up! :)

 

[Froggie]

LOL :roflmao: (((frozen))) thanks for the reminder :D

 

[frozen]

Gotta have a little funny once in awhile!!

(5 minutes from now I won't find this funny!):laugh: