Sexual Assault What Would Make Me The Kind Of Victim To Slough It Off As "oh Well" ???

[Hlost]

My gf goes directly to her friends and calls the police and I chalked it up as something I deserved...how does this happen??? I don't mean to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself I'm just stunned at the difference. I know she wasn't abused growing up and that probably has a lot to do with it but it's hitting me now just how different it is for us.

I have to say it really hurt when she said she wanted to make sure she took care of it now and not have it come up and bite her years from now like it is me :cry: I don't know if I'm hurting more for me or for her because nothing like this has happened to her before and I feel like I could handle it better for her...how sick is that???

My head is hurting so bad right now I can't think straight so forgive me. I'm all over the place. Things like this just aren't suppose to happen to those I love.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I don't know about you or her, but I know why I sloughed off a lot of abuse.

I didn't know it was abuse! (When I was a kid, Mom said "This isn't abuse! You don't know what abuse is!")
And... I didn't know anyone would protect me from it! (Mom, again told me they wouldn't be able to protect me)
And... I thought that if I told people about it, then it would be an open invitation to other predators! (Mom again)
And... I didn't know then, that it would traumatize me this way! (Mom again... "You're okay." condescending)

I think if I had never heard any of that BS, then it would be pretty easy to know how to handle being attacked by someone.

 

[cherryblossom]

Some things that come to mind reading this -

• Everyone is different
• Everyone reacts differently to any given situation
• Everyone's experience of rape or abuse is different
• Everyone's support system is different

I could go on, and that is just a short list for starters - and that makes a hell of a lot of variables that make your reaction different to your friends reaction.

Even if you could theoretically take away some of those variables, you would both react differently. Even if you both had exactly the same life experiences, exactly the same beliefs and values, and experienced exactly the same assault, you would both still react differently. You would both react differently during and after the assault.

There is no right or wrong way to respond. Maybe you wish you had responded differently, and god forbid, if you were to go through the same experiences again, may be you would respond differently.

I know I wish I'd spoken out at the time, and reported it to the Police, and got counselling sooner etc, etc. And that would be my advice to anyone who found themself in the same position I was. But we are still all different and I wouldn't think any less of someone, who didn't speak out, or didn't report it to the police etc. It's an individuals choice to work out the best way for them to respond to a situation at any given time. Hindsight is one thing, but even if I was in the same situation again, I still don't actually know for sure how I would respond. Remember we can only do what we think is right at the time.

I personally don't think you should be hurt by the fact that

she took care of it now and not have it come up and bite her years from now like it is me

I actually think you should be very proud of that. Because you were brave enough to discuss your past and present issues with her, she has chosen a different track, and a really positive response (calling the police, getting therapy (sorry, I think I got that from your other post on PTSD forum - also you said there that she has knowledge of mental health issues, which probably make her more aware of her own mental fragility). I can understand why it would upset you, but if you turn it around, I think it's pretty awesome that you sharing your PTSD experiences with her, could actually prevent her from developing PTSD herself.

 

[Hlost]

Some things that come to mind reading this -

I actually think you should be very proud of that. Because you were brave enough to discuss your past and present issues with her, she has chosen a different track, and a really positive response (calling the police, getting therapy (sorry, I think I got that from your other post on PTSD forum - also you said there that she has knowledge of mental health issues, which probably make her more aware of her own mental fragility). I can understand why it would upset you, but if you turn it around, I think it's pretty awesome that you sharing your PTSD experiences with her, could actually prevent her from developing PTSD herself.

((((((((((((((((((((Cherryblossom))))))))))))))))))

I can't thank you enough for saying this :no::hug:

I haven't looked at it like that