What's Going On???

[Notsowild]

I've been on this forum for a few months now. I've started my trauma diaries but stopped because I did not think I could handle talking about my abuse. And I've also posted a few threads on different subjects.

As some might know I was sexually and physically abused by my father my whole childhood. I married young and have two beautiful children. My now ex-husband was verbally and physically abusive. One summer I started getting panic attacks and was diagnosed with delayed onset PTSD.

I've been to many psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors and group therapies. I thought I was doing okay. I still had a lot of issues though.

Then this summer I had the serious car accident and started having flashbacks, insomnia, extreme anxiety and panic attacks while driving. I was off work for two weeks then was on reduced days for 4 months. I started back full time 3 weeks ago.

My job is so stressful and I take a lot of verbal abuse. Some days I'm so stressed I just come home and cry. Yesterday I just felt this extreme fatigue and overwhelming anxiety. And it felt like I was losing control ( does that make sense?) then this morning as I was driving to work I thought " I can't work today I need to go to the hospital". I just had this feeling I was "losing my mind" but I went to work and had the worst day ever. I was so stressed I snapped at everyone.

What's wrong with me??? Is this PTSD or depression? I'm so scared

 

[lyssm]

From my personal opinion it may be PTSD. I have been reading about it. You have flashbacks and panic attacks. My husband told me last night that the only thing he can see where I may have PTSD is from when my father killed himself. I think I have more from my previous marriage if I do have it. I have not been diagnosed and have not been to any therapy but feel like I do need it. It is going to take a lot of time to get over what you have been through. You may think you are doing okay but don't stop. I was told at the dr's office one time that the zoloft was working thats why I felt okay and that meant it was working. Unfortunately I stopped because I felt okay and like I didn't need it anymore. Keep doing what helps you! :) I am sorry for what you have been through. I have been through things in my life that are hard to move past I posted something under the anonymous thread it is called " Abused for years-panic attacks that describes what i went through.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, this sounds like it is your PTSD flaring up. Are you seeing a trauma therapist?

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks@lyssm and @Solara

I'm starting CBT with a psychologist this week. Can't be soon enough. And seeing a psychiatrist in March.

Can PTSD make you feel like you're going crazy?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, it can. But rest assured, the truly crazy don't know that they're crazy. Or so I've heard.

Please take care of yourself until you get into therapy. Do you need to work full time at this point? You're dealing with a lot, and the stressful job isn't helping much. :(

 

[Notsowild]

Thanks @Solara - you are a very sweet, caring and knowledgable girl. I've always enjoyed reading your posts,

I think I will try to get some more time off work. I wasn't ready to come back yet. I was forced back too early by my boss and even my doctor. My insurance company seems more compassionate.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I thought that might have been the case. Well I understand the boss wanting you to come back, but your doctor as well? Is this your general practice doctor? Mine used to ask me if I was working, what I was doing, etc. That sort of stopped after I started receiving disability and my insurance switched to Medicare. I guess she finally realized how bad things are for me?

 

[nomedic1]

I'm so sorry Notsowild

 

[Stagetrapdoor]

Thank you for finding the courage to post.

Yes, it made me feel like I was going crazy. I began to lose a lot of time and space out more than usual.

It helps to have a professional diagnosis. I discounted the psychiatrist who told me I had PTSD because I thought it was just sleep apnea related . I had another sleep study . I had nightmares over and over and over

I also went to groups and did a lot of work on sexual and physical abuse. I felt I had done the work and grieved my losses and moved on.

There are better tools to help abuse victims available these days.

That is the good news.

I finally accepted the diagnosis when a trauma specialist told me I had PTSD the first time I spoke to her.

I don't know if you are as difficult as I was to convince.

I would encourage you to see a therapist who specializes in treating trauma.

Do take time for yourself. You are all that matters right now.

.

 

[Notsowild]

My doctor was from Australia, she was on a work visa in Canada. She went for a visit and never returned. Don't know what happened. So I started seeing another doctor in the same office as her. It is hard to find doctors here. Most of the good ones are not excepting new patients.

So I took the day off today. I had no sleep and woke up with a splitting headache. Took tomorrow off too - I need a stress break from work

 

[nomedic1]

I hope you are feeling better.