What's It Like When You Space Out? My 'Spacing Out' Seems To Be Strange.

[Lisa]

I just wanted to ask, for those of you who 'space out' or dissociate, what it's like for you? I guess I want to know if it's anything like me. I was just on the phone to a friend, and I started to space out... I managed to pull out of it because I had somebody who was talking to me at the time it started, and I was trying hard to concentrate on speaking back, but it felt like a tug of war. I broke out of it when I felt my stomach chucking up my dinner and I moved and went to the toilet, but didn't actually throw up. He suggested I post here and see if anybody gets the same kind of thing as me...

I seem to have two 'types'... the type where I simply at some point, unbeknown to me, disappear. I find that what I thought was 5 minutes was actually 2 or 3 hours.

And another type which is more distressing. It starts with usually suddenly feel very flat, and slightly disorientated... I'll get the uncontrollable urge to curl up on the floor, or bed, and more often than not I start to feel 7 years old again. I get a strange mix of distant emotions that I can't name. Then it's as if it's pulling me... first I feel like I can't move, and then I find it hard to find words, and to speak the ones I find... and then I seem to lose the ability to speak completely... it's at that point that I feel like I'm going or have gone to 'that place in my head'. It has some image to it, but not much. Then it's like I can't move, speak, or think... it actually feels like the same second keeps repeating or something like that ??? Like a jumping CD? I can't really articulate it, it's not very clear.

And then it feels like it's been a couple of minutes when actually, when I come out of it it's been much longer. As I come out of it, I feel vulnerable, scared, wary, confused, and something else but I don't know what. I guess mixed distant emotions... it eventually wears off. But it feels like a very tiring and draining experience. I'll sometimes get shaking or nausea before and/or after too, and am sometimes am left with an incredible headache.

Is this anything like anybody else has experienced? I'm not sure what to make of it.

 

[becvan]

Lisa there are TONS of different types of disassociation. I just recently had to do some assessments on it and discovered that I have numerous types going at the same time!

The first one you described, as just disappearing for a while, I have done and do, do all the time. It's one of my more common ones.

The second one sounds more like a type of flashback, as you describing the emotions. An emotional flashback perhaps? With a bit of imagery...

bec

 

[kers]

I think your underlying question is, is your experience typical (or 'normal') for PTSD folks? I think bec hit it on the head, there are many types of dissociation. I don't think mental health experts totally understand dissociation or the different types, because the categories still seem very broad while our experiences are so varied.

I find that I use different words to describe my different types of dissociation. There are times when I feel disappeared--like I'm not really there, I'm just a pair of invisible eyes watching everything. I feel most childlike at these moments, and it usually happens when I feel scared.
There are times when I'm gone--when my body is present but my mind is in a black hole and I feel like I've been turned inside out. This happens when I get scared or feel exposed.
Sometimes I feel dead--flat and unemotional, very detached. This happens when I get angry, especially.

 

[Marlene]

Most of the time I start to dissociate or 'go away for a while' is when I'm trying to concentrate the hardest at work. Not quite sure that it yet. I'll be fighting to concentrate on something and I find myself staring off into space and usually only a few moments have passed. Lots of outside noise in my office that can bring me back (i.e. phone, voices, two-way radio, etc.). When this happens I try to get out of my office and do something else for a bit to try and let my brain rest.

At home I can stare out the window, start to daydream and then lose an hour or more if left undisturbed. And not remember anything from that time.

It's worse, of course, when my symptoms are high. But it happens even when I'm feeling good.

I honestly don't think our spacing out is strange...it's just a part of who we are now. Part of how our brain now deals with the stresses of life. And different sets of circumstances at different parts of even the same day can lead to different ways of going away for a while.

Lisa

 

[reallydown]

Not sure if this will be helpful at all but here it goes. Of course, all people dissociate...or zone out ...ptsd or not...It's just that those of us with ptsd do it more often and it's more...severe.

The first type described by Lisa is something that happens to me quite a bit...I just check out and have absolutely no idea what's going on...I;ve had times when I was triggered by course material as I was trying to do the work and I'd zone out and be that way for who knows how long and sometimes...as I start to get back, I catch myself doodling...

I have also experienced what I think comes close to what Kers describes as feeling dead...Just a weird blankness...numbness...I can be looking at my hand, for example, and it's just not registering that that's me...I don't really know how to describe it.

 

[Awakening]

This is a very interesting thread, I've read about dissociation but I still don't really get it. I didn't realise there were different types.

I'm unable to recognise when I'm dissociating, or that I just have.

But when I conducted my recent mini survey amongst some friends about my behaviour one of the most common observations was 'spaced out, vague, like no one is there'.

I'm incredibly surprised by this.

During a therapy session my therapist will often say 'where did you go just then' and I will be puzzled 'no where?', or 'where did your mind go, what were you thinking then?' and I don't know, I didn't have any real solid thoughts.

Of course I get the driving thing, which is easier to measure because you've literally travelled further along the road. And I zone out in meetings and realise I haven't listened to a word that's been said. All normal.

Dissociation confuses me because I don't think I disappear, I think I'm just preoccupied with either intrusive thoughts and/or emotions that I'm temporarily unable to join in to the present time.

I can usually remember what I did too - I don't usually stare into space for more then a few minutes. I can lose hours but I lose hours - surfing the internet or reading without really absorbing anything.

It's so confusing this dissociation business. When I read about it I'm not sure if I have it or if my experience is just different to others and the recently I've come to suspect that I might be highly dissociative.

 

[ricoforkids]

i think everyone spaces out, ptsd or not. pressure of things to do, ie to much on your plate or a single thought that just never got the attention it deserved. inability to concentrate and getting bored will also cause us to float away mentally.

i am no expert however i do know by observation of others. how many people draw a blank? i believe everyone does at some point in time.

i think the real difference is when a trigger occurs that cause us to pay attention to some noise, something dangerous might happen. i think we believe we space out but instead we are fultra ocused on our senses to keep guard. if you have ever been "in the zone" while playing sports you would realize afterwards as you are waking, that there were no words in your head, all was visual. i think "spacing out" allows senses to get 100% just as we were in a zone.

 

[Anonymoose]

All of a sudden, I notice that I was reading but I don't remember the last few pages, or I'll notice that I've lost track of what's happening in a movie or on TV. I'm used to it now but it was challenging to attend a long lecture. I had to force my attention back on the lecture. I guess that the lectures weren't that interesting, either, though!

 

[linasmom]

Hey Lisa,

I suffer a lot from the first type of dissociation you spoke about, where I literally just stop actively "being". It happens more so when I am depressed and I simply have no thoughts and hear nothing. Or it will happen when I'm extremely stressed and I become what my husband has termed "saturated" and I simply stare off into space and hear nothing. If during any of these situations I try to "force" myself to "stay in reality", I become extremely dizzy. It's as if my mind shuts down because it can't handle anymore stimuli and if I force it, my brain fights back, like the tug of war you spoke of.

As for the other - no, I've never experienced that. I wonder though about something that I saw in a video at my T's office called "somatization". Have you heard of it?

Best,
Rachel

 

[Lisa]

Linasmom - I have heard of somatization yes, can't remember exactly what it means - but I don't think I've heard of it in the way you are referring to it... I'd be really interested to hear about it...

Yep kers- that's exactly what I was asking! I also have all the ones everyone has listed here too! But am starting to think that my last one might be a flashback with some dissociation, as bec suggested...

Thanks for the feedback guys - from what I've learned, the first one is the most common one that everyone experiences... it only becomes abnormal if it's hours and you don't know where you've been or what you've done etc., in which case it's more of a disorder (most disorders are normal things but existing in an extreme), and likely to be related to trauma, PTSD, or overload. From what I do know is dissociation exists on a contiuum, as does a lot of psychology... A lot of people have experienced that drive to work where they think "how did I get here?" etc. I was just confused about the second example, and whether other PTSD sufferers had experienced anything like it.

I get the other states like feeling dead and not connected to my body, floating just behind or above myself... also get total complete emotional numbness where I am just a void, a shell... also get plenty of the moments where I've completely missed a part of a conversation where I tune out...those all happen so often I forgot to include those fugue states as a type of dissociation!

Marlene and Anonymoose - I also often, when stressed out with exams, get that thing where I'll be studying one moment, and the next 2 hours have passed and I'm staring at my wall!!!! It's a real problem!

ricoforkids - that's an interesting theory - could be somethign in that.

I guess there are lots of theories and types of dissociative states, and it depends on the extremity on the continuum... but awakening, from what i do know, dissociation on some level is normal, but if you find it's extreme or it happens when you're overwhelmed (like you just can't take it anymore), then I'd call that definitely dissociation....

Seems like dissociation is complicated - i knew that, though... maybe I'll do some research on it, and flashbacks, all the types and theories... the knowledge could be useful...

 

[Deleted member 487]

It can be embarrassing at times. When I space out my eyes will lock onto whatever is there. And I'll just stare. Sometimes a tree, maybe a mountain, sometimes (which I find embarrassing) a person. Like women. No idea why, it just happens. I rarely "lock on to" men, but women, different story. I explained this problem to the manager of my bank, and staff are now more accepting that it's really not my fault. Nothing like coming out of it and finding myself staring at a woman's butt or breasts. I figure if it was intentional, I'd at least remember what I'm looking at. And everytime it happens I don't remember a thing.

 

[Marlene]

I have heard of somatization yes, can't remember exactly what it means - but I don't think I've heard of it in the way you are referring to it... I'd be really interested to hear about it...

It's when the emotional pain manifests itself as physical pain. It's the main reason the I sought help when things got really, really bad for me. I had dealt with depression and anxiety for years-although not to the extreme that full-blown PTSD caused. But I had never had any body pain before. 90% of the pain was in my low abdomen (this I believe is related to my initial trauma). It got so bad that my GYN was considering doing a hysterectomy on me. He thought it was a complication of an existing issue.

I now use the pain I still sometimes get as an indication of my stress levels. Different stresses affect different areas of my body. But it has this cumulative thing going. One area starts out hurting and if the stress levels don't go down it moves onto another area, but the first area keeps hurting. It's kind of like my body is saying, 'OK...you're not going to take care of this with the first hint, then I'll just have to give you a bigger hint that you have to deal with whatever is bothering you.'

Lisa