This thread is so inspiring and amazing. Thankyou for creating it. I ask myself this question quite a lot. It used to be more regularly, as I don't have kids, or pets or even that many friends...but I have people now who support me, and that has taken the edge off so much. My appetite thankfully returned and food is a major source of fun for me, so I would miss that...as well as all the beauty in the world.
My childrens book, that is still in the making. If I weren't here, I'd never get to see it finished and my dream fulfilled. It came from an idea that was very pure in intent, and I want to see it through even though I have procrastinated quite a lot over the years with it. I also love to create art...I live for art.
Honestly though, I often feel like I don't really know why I stay alive, and often don't want to be here...or at least, a few years ago this was very strong. I am stubborn as all bejeezus though and I am also very curious. Sometimes I think that the reason doesn't need to be more complex than the fact that I am here, and present in this paradise gone wrong...that life itself is the reason to live. Death will come soon enough anyway. I live for the simple pleasures...the smells of beautiful oils and ride my bike and feel the warm air on my skin and making my hair fly around. Delicious food and music. I went without music for such a long time when I was severely depressed, and don't know how I made it through...I just kept going. I think it is just instinct that over rides all the suffering and the mind, even the will...we are programmed to survive, no matter what.
I knew a boy when I was a teenager who suicided, and they found scratch marks on his neck. he tried to stop it at the last minute, but he'd already hung himself and couldn't loosen the noose from his position. Even when we think we really want to die...a part of us always wants to live more I think...
