K
keifer
I use the word event. I also don't like the word survivor. Any suggestions?
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What's Normal And What's Not?
- Post starter wolfie205
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Avoiding these terms might be just that, avoidance. On the other hand, it could be a way for you to "reframe" things that empowers you to feel more in control of yourself, the conversation, and definitions.
Picking a different word is also Bargaining if you think that a different word will offer detachment from the associations and emotions the unpleasant word evokes. Soon, the new word will be contaminated by the emotions if you keep going in therapy, so it will need to be ditched in favor of a new word.
Acceptance needs to happen, and that includes accepting others' definitions as having some value to them or to communicating, whether or not you prefer one term over another.
I respect one's power to select definitions or terms, but I also challenge those (and myself) constantly in search of new terms to see that they (or I) are just trying to avoid vulnerability, exposure, and feeling.
If I don't like a word or person, I now will accept and look directly at my emotional responses with it and find out what emotions are being felt and why that may be. Pushing emotions away only gives them more power to control from behind "the curtain" of conscious thought. Accepting them and see them for what they are reveals "the wizard behind the curtain" is smaller than you thought; you can tackle him.
Picking a different word is also Bargaining if you think that a different word will offer detachment from the associations and emotions the unpleasant word evokes. Soon, the new word will be contaminated by the emotions if you keep going in therapy, so it will need to be ditched in favor of a new word.
Acceptance needs to happen, and that includes accepting others' definitions as having some value to them or to communicating, whether or not you prefer one term over another.
I respect one's power to select definitions or terms, but I also challenge those (and myself) constantly in search of new terms to see that they (or I) are just trying to avoid vulnerability, exposure, and feeling.
If I don't like a word or person, I now will accept and look directly at my emotional responses with it and find out what emotions are being felt and why that may be. Pushing emotions away only gives them more power to control from behind "the curtain" of conscious thought. Accepting them and see them for what they are reveals "the wizard behind the curtain" is smaller than you thought; you can tackle him.
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digger
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I do actually agree with you on this and with regard to my own situation, I don't consider it to be a permanent thing, it was/is a way of moving therapy forward where it was stuck. I have huge problems verbalising things to a point where it easy for me to become completely mute and I was aware that the use of the words 'trauma' and 'traumatic' were causing me to dissociate to a point where I couldn't participate in the session at all at times. When I'm paying £40 a time that doesn't really work!! I fully anticipate coming back to looking at why I have issues with the terms at a later point with my counsellor, but for now I am prioritising being able to talk at all and get some things out there that I really need to be out there.
It was a suggestion to the OP as a possible way of moving forward now, rather than a recommendation of long term avoidance of the terms, but I probably wasn't very clear on that.
Digger1, I agree with your take on this 100%. It is not avoidance in this case; it is re-framing and working within a tolerable window. With trauma work, it's vital to go at a reasonable pace. As long as you are not avoiding talking, thinking, and feeling, then it is not avoidance.
I think those words may not be the issue so much as in the context in which they are spoken, there is a sense of doom.
For me, it's not the words but Fear--knowing that my defense mechanisms are likely to fail--if I dissociate or have a panic attack. My T. has just informed me that when we go into a memory, if we dissociated at the time, then when we dissociate in recalling the memory, it's just part of the memory itself. Other times, it is a new dissociative reaction to the memory. She wants to keep the processing in a window of tolerance. She also wants to remedy dissociation with the application of Positive Resources.
Positive Resources are tools to stop dissociating and stay present when you catch yourself starting to dissociate, like cold, aroma, holding a rock, a beanie bag or "baby," drinking something hot or cold, movement, and throwing a pillow and catching it.
Any time in therapy when I think the therapist starts to creep near the "stuff I try not to think about," I can dissociate due to my fears of not being prepared for what may come up. There is an internal tension: on one hand, I want to talk about how I feel about the trauma (as you describe it as what bothers me.) But on the other hand, I don't want to risk re-experiencing. That's where I have to speak up if I start dissociating and keep my therapist on the same page. This is very hard for me to do in a new relationship. I am going to have to get used to it with HER.
From my experience, people seldom notice if I dissociate unless an expected response is not given so I guess we have to speak up. And this also leads to doing something about it and taking control.
I think those words may not be the issue so much as in the context in which they are spoken, there is a sense of doom.
For me, it's not the words but Fear--knowing that my defense mechanisms are likely to fail--if I dissociate or have a panic attack. My T. has just informed me that when we go into a memory, if we dissociated at the time, then when we dissociate in recalling the memory, it's just part of the memory itself. Other times, it is a new dissociative reaction to the memory. She wants to keep the processing in a window of tolerance. She also wants to remedy dissociation with the application of Positive Resources.
Positive Resources are tools to stop dissociating and stay present when you catch yourself starting to dissociate, like cold, aroma, holding a rock, a beanie bag or "baby," drinking something hot or cold, movement, and throwing a pillow and catching it.
Any time in therapy when I think the therapist starts to creep near the "stuff I try not to think about," I can dissociate due to my fears of not being prepared for what may come up. There is an internal tension: on one hand, I want to talk about how I feel about the trauma (as you describe it as what bothers me.) But on the other hand, I don't want to risk re-experiencing. That's where I have to speak up if I start dissociating and keep my therapist on the same page. This is very hard for me to do in a new relationship. I am going to have to get used to it with HER.
From my experience, people seldom notice if I dissociate unless an expected response is not given so I guess we have to speak up. And this also leads to doing something about it and taking control.
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