Renly
Sponsor
I can relate to your experiences very much - I think the following idea was big for me:
I think it’s very healthy that you are actively aware of these feelings and recognizing that parts of you may feel differently at times regarding the same matters. It shows a lot of maturity that you are thinking about these things.
The relationship you have with your t is so critical to healing. And it sounds like you have a great one with your t and that you want to respect her, too. It really is hard to be vulnerable and the boundaries can be tricky and confusing sometimes. There is a power imbalance, it’s the nature of the therapeutic relationship. But that dependence, when appropriately managed, can result in great healing and growth, especially when dealing with significant attachment issues.
Parts of me are sure I’ll die if t ever has to leave me, but other parts of me say I’ll be fine and will be overwhelmingly grateful that she was in my life for however long I got to have her. The goal for me is to work on healing the trauma and when I am capable of being more self-reliant and also more reliant on the significant people in my life, the plan is to gradually scale back in therapy and in seeking support from t. In a perfect would, this would be a lovely, gradual, and mutual process - we would celebrate the decreased dependence on t and increased independence to manage my own life. But, regardless, when that day comes I know I’ll miss her.
It’s scary and uncomfortable to bring these things up to t, but it may really be beneficial to have the conversation - then you aren’t guessing, the boundaries will be mutually agreed upon - you will know what she thinks and she will know what you think - and then she can help adjust or redefine any boundaries as needed, it’ll be a team effort.
Once I began to be more open to share about my experiences and was able to rely on the important people in my life more, it’s helped me from feeling so desperate and dependent on my t…although this fluctuates given what trauma material we are working on at any given point - there’s plenty of things only t knows so there are times I feel very much I need her support in managing when I’m not ready to rely on others for these things. Over time, I imagine it will be less and less.I think dependency is a fine line and will be slightly different for everyone. I would say therapy is about developing a healthy self reliance, and if that isn’t being developed and you are emotionally totally reliant on the therapist and not using/developing other support networks for me personally that would show I need to take a step back
I think it’s very healthy that you are actively aware of these feelings and recognizing that parts of you may feel differently at times regarding the same matters. It shows a lot of maturity that you are thinking about these things.
The relationship you have with your t is so critical to healing. And it sounds like you have a great one with your t and that you want to respect her, too. It really is hard to be vulnerable and the boundaries can be tricky and confusing sometimes. There is a power imbalance, it’s the nature of the therapeutic relationship. But that dependence, when appropriately managed, can result in great healing and growth, especially when dealing with significant attachment issues.
Parts of me are sure I’ll die if t ever has to leave me, but other parts of me say I’ll be fine and will be overwhelmingly grateful that she was in my life for however long I got to have her. The goal for me is to work on healing the trauma and when I am capable of being more self-reliant and also more reliant on the significant people in my life, the plan is to gradually scale back in therapy and in seeking support from t. In a perfect would, this would be a lovely, gradual, and mutual process - we would celebrate the decreased dependence on t and increased independence to manage my own life. But, regardless, when that day comes I know I’ll miss her.
It’s scary and uncomfortable to bring these things up to t, but it may really be beneficial to have the conversation - then you aren’t guessing, the boundaries will be mutually agreed upon - you will know what she thinks and she will know what you think - and then she can help adjust or redefine any boundaries as needed, it’ll be a team effort.