What's The Point Bettering Yourself If It Just Means More To Regret?

[karik]

Kari here.

I've known lots of people from all walks of life. Some were nice. (Pay attention, this is the important part. I'll even bolden it for you.) Some were not(nice).

The nicest high class people still screen people. I'll even bold it for you: They don't hang out with waitresses.

I am a "1 percenter" with regards to annual earnings. I was born to an unwed mother on welfare that is homeless by choice but I've had success in my adult years. I have absolutely zero judgment of people that are "lower class"...and most of my wealthy friends feel the same. I have plenty of poor friends and rich friends. Good people are good people. Financial success is a separate entity.

I asserted the difference between wealth and class several times in this thread. The way your situation is seen in regards to class is, you came into some money. I'm sure you worked very hard, and I have a ton of respect for you, but this is different then someone from four generations of upper-middle class or higher. I'm not saying you're better than them or they're better than you, but everyone knows there's a difference.

 

[Necukij]

Ok Kari,

What is the point of this thread? You shut down every single opposing viewpoint. I don't think you want feedback. I think you just want people to agree with you and your warped thinking, especially given the very rude remark about how people cannot see what is staring them in the face. Really? Did you just put down everyone who had replied and didn't agree with you?

I don't think you actually want to fix this problem.

This is a sad pattern I'm seeing in anon threads. Someone posts under the guise of wanting to fix a problem but really they only want to be told that their PTSD twisted way of thinking is right.

People want to help but you're just taking advantage of the situation. I think it's kind of rude to continue these threads for PAGES when you don't care to fix something and only want to argue with what people say. Responses are a GIFT in that people decide to take the time to help you. Only you're taking these gifts, throwing them on the ground, stomping your feet and giving the message it's not what you want.

I thinking going to have to stop replying to the anon forum. It's a shame that a few people ruin the concept.

 

[karii]

Kari again.

I don't think you want feedback.

I want feedback on the problem of regret, shame, and disgust over myself and my past. I never asked for opinions on class and income, but that's what I got.

I think it's kind of rude to continue these threads for PAGES when you don't care to fix something and only want to argue with what people say.

Just because I happen to disagree with you does not mean I don't care to fix the problem. Are you a narcissist?

 

[Uze]

Are you a narcissist?

WOW that was incredably rude! Its not me you are replying to, though I happen to agree with them, that was insanely rude! People are taking time to reply to you and you ask that?

You have distorted thinking and NOTHING, NOTHING, will change for you in a positive direction until you change that, which is what every single person that has replied to you is saying in a broken down way.

This statement

They don't hang out with waitresses.

Is NOT true. I have no idea what your hang up is with waitresses (whom work very hard mind you, harder than most of the people you speak of), but this is just simply not true.

Being in IT and working in the corp offices gives me the chance to talk to people in all levels of sucess. I drive up in my old 2001 chevy cavalier and I see bold, beautiful, shiny new sports cars that I could only have in my dreams. I am not in any way wealthy or even well off but I have access to those whom are. Some are stuck up, those people I choose to not associate with but most arent. Most want to take you out on the town, hang out with you, even date you. Most dont let their money determine how view others or whom their friends will be.

We all have red blood. If those people are like that CHOOSE ANOTHER GROUP OF PEOPLE TO HANG WITH!

How you view yourself, is apparently determined by others which it shouldnt be, and is in of itself, distorted. But throwing insults is just going to cause people to not care to help you!

 

[Unegu]

WOW that was incredably rude! Its not me you are replying to, though I happen to agree with them, that was insanely rude!...

When I first saw this thread, I didnt want to say anything because I knew what was going to happen here.

I had the odd experience of being American and making what I thought was a permanent move to England.

The class thing there is very different than it is here, I mean very. It has basic obvious similarities, and then there are about 5 layers of things that an American cant understand or respect.

The culture there has been Americanized quite a bit ,I'd say in the last 20 years, and mostly from the emergence of living on credit and schemes that made it easier to buy houses. It created the appearance of a middle class that didnt really exist in large numbers before.

Prior to that, English people were mostly broke or struggling. The bank crash in the 70's and all of those Pink Floyd songs are how the parents of some people here experienced life. This made people who had been ' better class ' cling more ferociously and ridiculously to things that made them different ( superior )

I didnt like the OP's perception of herself in comparison to these people, but it obviously made her feel good, and I didnt want to crap all over that for no reason.

They're the same as any other group, a few nice people that are sincere, a majority that are the same mix women you find everywhere, and a few that will go out of their way to reel you in, then talk about you behind your back.

 

[Wonoho]

Well yes, it was me who you were asking re: being a narcissist.

Let's be real.

In an online world where you cannot attack someone and call them a narcissist, the next best thing is to act in a passive aggressive manor and ask them if they are a narcissist.

And no, I do not appreciate this line of questioning.

And no, I am not a narcissist.

It's not just me who you are disagreeing with------it's many people.

People are suggesting that you shift your mind frame but you refuse as you insist that everyone else's view is wrong and you're the only one who is right. Why are you so resistant to seeing things from another point of view when it's VERY possible that a shift in your perception will fix the ENTIRE problem?

You only want solutions that are suitable to you. Unfortunately we cannot choose how we heal. We can only keep on trying and trying and trying. If you are refusing to even consider certain possibilities, you're shutting yourself off to fully healing.

Of course, this is your choice. It's up to you if you want to shut down other ways of thinking. But, I guarantee you that a HUGE difference between those who heal and those who don't is simply being open minded to other possibilities and other ways of thinking which are beyond our comfort zone.

What's so wrong with trying to see things in a different way? Either way, YOU WIN! If it works, you've moved forward in your healing. If it doesn't work (after giving it a sincere and honest try) you can come back here and say you were right, it didn't work (and get satisfaction in that you've proved yourself to be right!)

But yes, people are trying to help. That's all they can do. It's up to you to be open to all options, not just the ones you like.

 

[Awon]

Any time you paint an entire group with the same paintbrush, you will most likely be wrong. All righ people aren't the same, just like all poor people aren't the same. It's going to take opening up your mind in order to conquer this issue.

 

[Ena]

Of course, this is your choice. It's up to you if you want to shut down other ways of thinking. But, I guarantee you that a HUGE difference between those who heal and those who don't is simply being open minded to other possibilities and other ways of thinking which are beyond our comfort zone.

Agreed 100%!

All of the healing Ive done I previously stated it was impossible and was WAY outside of my comfort zone but I came here very open to opinions (which we all have), different ways to look at something, different ways to go about moving in the direction of healing. I made HUGE strides in just a few months, being in an entirely different head space today.

But I did it, not those that replied to me but me! I was open, I chose to take in the replies here, I chose to look at it differently and go about it in a different way, and I applied it all to real life. I did that, not one person here but me.

It will be you whom either stays in this distorted mindset and stays locked hating yourself, fighting to be right, or you will choose to read back through these replies and decide to possibly see it differently. None of us can do that, only you.

You are allowing others to determine how you see yourself.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

"What ever anyone thinks of me is none of my business" ~ my therapist

 

[karri]

OP Kari again.

I didnt like the OP's perception of herself in comparison to these people, but it obviously made her feel good, and I didnt want to crap all over that for no reason.

I don't really understand what you mean here. Could you explain?

They behave like females when they are trying to establish social standing.

Ha ha! This is so true and why I've always found status seeking men to be so, so unattractive.

 

[Keha]

Well yes, it was me who you were asking re: being a narcissist.

Let's be real.

In an online world where you cannot at...

Hey! I'm not the one that asked if you were a narcissist!

I was just saying that English people have a whole different idea of what that stuff means, going to the UK for college or whatever is not the same thing as living there for decades as one of them. If youre American and think you get it, you don't. They really do carry themselves like they were born superior.

Thats what I meant about Americans not relating to that sort of thing ( In general !) We have maybe racial issues that topics like those are relevant in.

Every one of us has a group or a place we would feel good about ourselves belonging in. I actually was not judging the desire and positive feelings of OP.

I thought it was made clear when I said I didnt post at first for fear of crapping on happiness for no reason.

 

[Epaja]

Hey! I'm not the one that asked if you were a narcissist!

Hi,

The so called "narcissist" here.

I was replying to the OP.

I'm under the assumption that replying to the OP needs no "@" or quote. I only use the "@" or quote if replying to someone who isn't the OP. Is this wrong? If so, can someone point me to proper forum rules? This isn't the first time that someone thought I was replying to them but I wasn't.

 

[Fataja]

I want feedback on the problem of regret, shame, and disgust over myself and my past. I never asked for opinions on class and income, but that's what I got.

But the feedback you're getting is addressing the perceptions you have that people of a certain class and income do not bleed like you do, they do not experience regret, shame and disgust - which makes those feelings stronger in you when you're around those people.
You are quite simply wrong about that and it would help you if you tried to open your mind a bit!
You seem angry which usually means you feel hurt in some way by this situation. You need to get real with yourself to start to heal those feelings of regret, shame and disgust.
You're so not alone with those feelings. Probably most if not all the people here would have felt them or are feeling them. Me included. It's awful. And I get angry too at times.
you can't heal inner wounds like that by attacking everything outside of you that makes them come alive - believe me I know that scenario.
You havd to learn to love and care for yourself and forgive yourself. It is not easy!!!!
There is a Buddhist saying something about its easier to put on a pair of shoes than trying to wrap the world in carpet.
You can't fix all the social injustices in the world - you can work on yourself to make sure you see clearly what is illusion and what is not, and be a person who doesn't propagate crap.