What's The Point Bettering Yourself If It Just Means More To Regret?

[Birafa]

Hi,

The so called "narcissist" here.

I was replying to the OP.

I'm under the assumption that replying to the OP needs...

Oh sorry! I'm trying to do other online stuff at same time on forum and I get confused by all the shifting neanderthal handles.

I thought she was being called the narc......but she called you a narc. I guess. Cant help anyone with that one :D
Its just means that I seriously over shared what I think of English people for no reason again.

 

[Nudece]

I'm under the assumption that replying to the OP needs no "@" or quote. I only use the "@" or quote if replying to someone who isn't the OP. Is this wrong?

You cant tag (@) in an anonymous forum as they arent real user names. You can do it but it wont blue tag them.

You can tag anyone you are speaking to in a thread. Tagging is @ + user name.

 

[kaari]

OP here.

The class thing there is very different than it is here, I mean very. It has basic obvious similarities, and then there are about 5 layers of things that an American cant understand or respect.

Could you maybe educate us a little more about this? From what I understand, they equate class with money much less than Americans do -- for them it's more about taste or something? Displays of wealth are actually seen as unclassy? Am I way off the mark?

If that's the case, I say good for them. I said repeatedly on this thread that I don't equate class with money, but people keep yelling at me about money, money, money.

 

[Uka]

OP Kari again.

I don't really understand what you mean here. Could you explain?

@karri I think the way your first posts read came across like you felt validated by their friendliness and acceptance of you. Thats what sets people off on their own issues with that and you and your situation get shoved aside. It becomes a thread about everyones perception of the general topic in relation to their own experiences. I usually shut up when I see that possibility, but when I dont, seeing the problem doesnt keep me from doing the exact same thing.

That happened in a post a while ago about why a female wasnt liked by other women and had trouble with friends. The whole thing became a theoretical conversation thread, most of which were pretty insensitive to the OP. It wasnt anonymous, but her original posts unintentionally came across like she was someone that wasnt going to feel that vulnerable. At the end its obvious that wasnt the case, and the situation was different than it looked. I was pretty insensitive and obnoxious myself and felt bad when I realized it was different.

If you ask a question or want feedback on a personal situation on here, people should really be careful to make sure that they word it in a way that isnt going to become a debate that has nothing to do with them. But you did cover yourself when you asked in the first post that no one make it a class debate.

 

[kkari]

OP here.

Fegu, it looks like your post was cut off for some reason. Please finish. It looked so interesting.

 

[Ejos]

Show me a rich person (or even middle or upper-middle class) who hangs out with busboys. I've never seen one in my life.

I could show you apx 200 all in one place; the wedding I attended last weekend.

They don't hang out with waitresses.

Depends who you're talking about. Quite a few people have told you that your perceptions are off from personal experience on both sides of the street (poor/lower class with wealthy/upper class friends ; wealthy/upperclass with poor/lower class friends), but you remain really insistent that this cannot be the case. Why?

 

[Tafoh]

P.S. Why is the site making me change my name to post?

It's the anonymous forum.

If you start a thread in the anonymous forum, then all names are anonymized. As long as the cookie is there it will recognize the OP, but aside from that each user name has to be unique. If you start a thread in any other forum (except PTSD Anonymous & Supporter Anonymous) then your user name & everyone else's user names will show.

 

[Awuh]

I could show you apx 200 all in one place; the wedding I attended last weekend.



Depends who you're talking about. Quit...

@Ejos There's a big BIG difference between how this post started and the generalized topic of the western world's ability to have its wealthy make friends with bartenders or gardeners.

@kkari Your comment " show me a rich person or even upper middle to middle class ...." tells me that you do not understand the wise info I gathered in my covert operations as the Infiltrating common American from non ivy league university education with ( gasp! ) Irish American heritage.

I was insulted and treated like I was stupid by housewives that had no education after age 16. I was told repeatedly that Americans have " money class ' and dont know what class means.

When you ask them to describe class, they smirk and twitter like Marks and Spencer clad Bronte sisters. They couldnt answer that because there ISNT an answer to that anymore. There hasnt been since Royalty and bloodlines became borderline useless over there.

 

[Mijoka]

This thread is actually making me feel ill. I think only people who agree with the worldview of Kari and posters like thd one Omida should bother posting here. This has the same feel as any of thd isms to me - racism sexism...
It's not my world and I'm so glad my head does not work this way.
I'm out

 

[Ipuz]

This thread is actually making me feel ill. I think only people who agree with the worldview of Kari and posters like...

Where was the sexism and racism?

 

[Ace]

I said "has the feel of any of the isms".
It's not funny to me to take photos of drunk people with their pants down, rich or poor.
That level of nastiness makes me feel sick.
Anyway as I say that's it for me now.

 

[Ovite]

So, Kari, here's the thing:

They - the rich ones, the ones you think you can mind-read - they can't do anything to you. No-one can make another person feel anything.

So it's got nothing to do with them.

You - you have a ton of shame, as you've said.

The way to work on that is to work - hard - at identifying and challenging the thoughts that surround those feelings of shame, disgust, regret. If you haven't learned how to do a thought-record in CBT, now is a good time to start. If you did learn how to do it once upon a time, but you didn't like it for whatever reason - get past that and try it again.

You need to re-wire your mind. It's very practiced in those grooves of self-loathing. It needs to be given grooves of self-respect. They will not be given to you, and they don't come without work. But it's more than doable. And as you develop those new grooves, you are simultaneously going to start to see that rich people, poor people...it's all just people. There are assholes in every strata. There are good folk in every strata.

In the US, it's only old, old money that works a bit like how it is in the UK. For them, it's about blood. Literally, bloodlines. You are descended from nobility, you remain noble. You come from the working poor, you are always of the working poor. It is a system that is very, very, very slowly, slowly, slowly dying. But it was in place for hundreds of years.

In America, any pauper could be king, if he worked hard enough. The streets were paved with gold. That was the myth, but it's influenced a great number of ways that we interact with class. So, yes, there are Carnegies and Rockefellers and Chases and Kennedys. But, there are also hard-working people who want to change their neighborhoods, their poverty, and so, they do. I think it will always be a challenge for people who grew up believing they were a 'bottom', to understand that it's all just some made-up concept. That's hard.

Probably harder still with PTSD.

But, it can be done. So you decide - you do it, or you don't. I hope you do, because your title acknowledges that you are working towards something.

So, what's the point of bettering yourself if it just means more to regret? Well, what's the point in not trying, if it just means more of the same?

Life is risk.