Hi! I'm a female and 20 years old.
I was sexually abused when I was around the age of 5 and almost got raped by my abuser when I was nine years old. I was totally unaware of it since I don't know a thing about sex and desires back then but I felt that it was something bad when he showed me his private part and forced me to touch it. I never talked about it to my family and I put distance between my abuser. After that, I became curious of boys' private parts to the point that I watched one of my classmates one time when he peed. I was teased by him then and I didn't do it again. But I was introduced to sex and sexual desires a year later and I realized that I had been abused. I felt nothing about it to be honest. I was just like "oh, so that was it." I didn't made a big deal of it and just forget about it. However during my 9th grade I became close of this husband of my relative and we became like friends or something like that. And he started touching me lightly in places like nape, ears and legs. I never thought of it as something wrong since I didn't feel any malice towards his actions until he started brushing his fingers to my nipple whenever I pass his son to him. I thought it was just accident so I let it go. Until one accident became uncountable and I confronted him then. He acted innocently and said he didn't do it. So I felt bad and said sorry for misunderstanding it but it kept happening and I was like "no, it was just accident" and kept quiet. Not until he forced his way to me. I don't know what's wrong with me but I couldn't get myself to shout for help. I don't think I even felt fear that time. My mind is just blank and I don't know how make of the situation. The first molestation ended and I don't know how to feel about it. It was then followed. Once became twice and thrice and it went on four months. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why am I letting him do it to me? Do I like it? My head is totally messed up and I thought that maybe it's my fate, that maybe I was born to be men's sex toy. It was stopped though after few months because it sank to me that he is someone's husband and it's my relative. He did stop but it happened again during my tenth and eleventh grade. On my twelfth grade it was put to an end totally. But whenver I think about it, why do I feel like there's a hole in my chest sucking me up?
I was sexually abused when I was around the age of 5 and almost got raped by my abuser when I was nine years old. I was totally unaware of it since I don't know a thing about sex and desires back then but I felt that it was something bad when he showed me his private part and forced me to touch it. I never talked about it to my family and I put distance between my abuser. After that, I became curious of boys' private parts to the point that I watched one of my classmates one time when he peed. I was teased by him then and I didn't do it again. But I was introduced to sex and sexual desires a year later and I realized that I had been abused. I felt nothing about it to be honest. I was just like "oh, so that was it." I didn't made a big deal of it and just forget about it. However during my 9th grade I became close of this husband of my relative and we became like friends or something like that. And he started touching me lightly in places like nape, ears and legs. I never thought of it as something wrong since I didn't feel any malice towards his actions until he started brushing his fingers to my nipple whenever I pass his son to him. I thought it was just accident so I let it go. Until one accident became uncountable and I confronted him then. He acted innocently and said he didn't do it. So I felt bad and said sorry for misunderstanding it but it kept happening and I was like "no, it was just accident" and kept quiet. Not until he forced his way to me. I don't know what's wrong with me but I couldn't get myself to shout for help. I don't think I even felt fear that time. My mind is just blank and I don't know how make of the situation. The first molestation ended and I don't know how to feel about it. It was then followed. Once became twice and thrice and it went on four months. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why am I letting him do it to me? Do I like it? My head is totally messed up and I thought that maybe it's my fate, that maybe I was born to be men's sex toy. It was stopped though after few months because it sank to me that he is someone's husband and it's my relative. He did stop but it happened again during my tenth and eleventh grade. On my twelfth grade it was put to an end totally. But whenver I think about it, why do I feel like there's a hole in my chest sucking me up?