When Did You First Find Out You Had Ptsd?

[MB57]

I witnessed domestic violence (i.e., verbal, physical, emotional) when I was very little (I'm now in my 20s). My family also had to run and hide our address from my father because he threatened to kill us so he wouldn't pay child support. My mom told us that he might try and kidnap us, too, so we had to be very careful. When I was in elementary school, I had to see a counselor because I wouldn't talk much. I know I was in crisis through much of my teenage years; I would resort to self-harm and still not talk very much. I'm more confident and self-aware now, but I still don't trust easily or talk openly very often. I went to see a counselor once and he said I don't have clinical depression. I feel depressed, but it doesn't stop me from going to school or work, just from enjoying things. I also feel like crying every so often and get triggered by different things. I have irritability that I can't explain. I can't seem to move on from the trauma I experienced in my childhood and adolescence.

Since I guess this isn't depression, could this by PTSD I'm experiencing?

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

PTSD has a wide arrange of symptoms that varies from person to person. Some people have symptoms that seem combined with depression that makes them unable to physically do certain tasks due to exhaustion. Some don't. I'm only slightly tilting my head at the counselor's response to you, since even depression's symptoms are different from person to person - some people physically can't work. But being unable to enjoy things, especially after a period of more than a few months, is definitely something to be concerned about, and is a huge symptom of depression.

Have you tried seeing an actual psychiatrist or a therapist? I'm not sure what kind of counselor you saw, but normally from what I hear a counselor is not necessarily a medical professional, and I'm sure someone qualified might be able to help you find a better understanding of what is happening, and what kind of options are available to help you overcome these struggles. :)

Regardless, I'm glad you came to the forum to talk about this MB. It can be really hard to open up about trauma, and we're glad you found us. :)

 

[Nevermore]

I have suffered froM depression on and off most of my life, but the onset of ptsd - or cptsd in my case, and maybe yours too - was something different.
It felt like trying to balance on a plank of wood in a turbulent ocean, and at the same time not being able to think clearly or concentrate. I felt like all my connections to other human beings were broken, like I was dead but somehow still alive. And the mood swings were out of control.
I isolated and hate to say it but I drank. A lot. I was scared most of the time.
Really didn't know what was happening to me until a friend rang and told me to listen to a radio program about ptsd. She said she couldn't believe it when they listed all the symptoms and shd said I had every one of them.
I listened then looked it up on the net and I too was amazed.
It was good to finally know what was happening. Doctors are not all that helpful - they call most things depression and give out antidepressants, but I knew it was something different from depression because I knew that pretty well.
Psyvhiatrists can do a proper test and give a formal diagnosis, but if you read through the symptoms you will recognise if you have it or not.
I'm really sorry your young years were so fraught! And I too am glad you found this site. It's hard to find a place where you can be open about it all.
Wishing you peace!

 

[Hush92]

I witnessed domestic violence (i.e., verbal, physical, emotional) when I was very little (I'm now in my 20s). My family al...

Ummm it took a while for me to realize the things I was experiencing were signs of trauma. Several years actually. I thought I was going crazy initially. Every night I'd have extreme anxiety that the attacks would happen again, which would typically send me into a paranoid state. Or I would feel like it was happening again but the physical sensation wasn't the same? And they would be isolated incidences. (I'd later find out these were flashbacks)

I also had serious issues with dissociation but didn't know what it was....I would always feel like nothing was real....I would feel like I was looking at the world through a telescope.....I was depressed and experiencing painful levels of anxiety around almost everything for the first time in my life.....I had nightmares....when I got a boyfriend I found when we tried to be sexually intimate I would be filled with panic and "shut down", all mood lost.

I think around late freshmen year of college I began realizing a lot of similarities between the things I experienced and things people who were traumatized did. By sophomore year I decided I needed help because I was too scared to be in relationships and had started getting out of body dissociation experiences as well as becoming highly paranoid in public and fearful for my safety. Had great difficulty talking about it though and ended up not actually delving into the subject until my junior year of college, when I got diagnosed.

In your case I think it would definitely benefit you to see a therapist and work over it. My dad wasn't as bad but I do know what it is like to grow up with someone who is constantly angry/controlling emotionally absuive and threatening. It takes a toll on you, and your situation sounds much more extreme. Take care and good luck.

 

[Sheryl101]

I witnessed domestic violence (i.e., verbal, physical, emotional) when I was very little (I'm now in my 20s). My family al...

No you do not have PTSD your therapist is correct you are suffering from depression PTSD is triggered by experiencing or witnessing a Traumtic event. With PTSD you have flashbacks nightmares severe anxiety and uncontrollable thoughts of the event I know I suffer from PTSD and with it comes depression and anxiety but I have major depressive disorder and I still go to work and I still function I'm just not happy I don't enjoy things anymore etc. etc. that is depression you can still function with depression

Most days I wonder if I'll ever have happiness or feel happy it's very difficult to explain I do enjoy things and I do do things but I'm always sad but mines a little bit deeper because PTSD.

 

[TormentedSoul]

It took me 10 years to figure myself out.

I realized it yesterday. I thought it was only Generalized Anxiety Disorder. But the flashbacks, panic, and reliving it is just too much.

My traumatic incident changed me totally.
I used to be proud of myself before.

 

[trying2movefwd]

I found out after seeing a counselor several times, about 16 months ago.

 

[Mafia_Science]

I didn't find out I had PTSD for a long time after the heat of the abuse. Strangely, I was very carefree and happy during the years where the abuse was worse, it was when it started to die down that it made me unhappy and feel guilty. I just remember one day, my teacher, who I'm close with, put his hand on the back and side of my neck (in an affectionate, but not creepy manner) and it just made me sick to my stomach. I got that crawly feeling on my skin and a lump in my throat and I knew it had something to do with the previous abuse. That's when I knew I could've had PTSD and sure enough, I did.

 

[NatBird]

I was diagnosed with CPTSD, at 27 (Saturn Return anyone?!) seven years ago off the back of having my first round of explicit symptoms: flashbacks, anxiety, hyper vigilence, depression etc. and a total breakdown. I lost all my jobs, couldn't pay rent and was homeless for a brief period.

Since working through memories I can see that I'd had all these symptoms before but not all at once.
I sense the disintergration was brought on my a memory of something that happened when I was 7/8 that I had not remembered up until that point. Plus making an historical sexual abuse charge as an attempt to protect my siblings. Social services had advised me this was the only way they could investigate.
In addition, I was in a relationship with someone who also reminded me of my dissociating, abandoning mother. I sense a part of me chose this on purpose.
As you can imagine this didn't help!

Seven years later I'm actually acknowledging that I have CPTSD and the impact that it has had on my life: social, emotional and sexual avoidance, limited emotional and relational skills, limited ability to create and maintain nourishing relationships and an auto immune condition - simply not being able to thrive.

Yep, that's some lagtime!

This new layer of acknowledgement is difficultvto say the least. I've come into contact with grief, starting to experience loss, tears and feelings.

I believe that getting how bad it really was, is what is going to help me to be more committed to loving myself. Although this belief doesn't seem to make the process any easier.

 

[NatBird]

...sorry pressed send too soon.

So I got my diagnosis through getting a referal from GP to the psychiatrist. Is that something you would explore?

I also read books about trauma to help me identify symptoms and make sense of my experience. The book that really helped was Trauma and Recovery, Judith Herman.

I also went to support groups for people who' experienced CSA and witnessed a lot of violence in childhood. It was there I heard the term CPTSD and got identification that assisted me in working out what was up.

I too coped quite well. Was positive, upbeat, sense of purpose etc.

In my case some of that was masking/defense and some my essence.

I don't believe that if you have psychological challenges you can't function. I think the dissonance it creates can make me think at times, is this real? I can't be this and that. In reality I can. That's how I survived.

Sorry if this went on a bit. Don't feel that articulate.

Wishing you the best.