When Did You Start?

[renee5g]

When did your symptoms become bad?For almost a year I " only" had horrible nightmares and couldn't sleep for more then 3 hours.About a month ago I completely lost it one day when I was approached by an autistic man since then I feel like every day is getting worst.Now I hate leaving my house,can't sleep,have anxiety just thinking about leaving and can't remember anything.I wonder why a year later I got so much worst?

 

[Jnean]

I think the man you ran into may have triggered some past trauma? I started having the same things happen to me just after I had a concussion over a year ago. If I didn't go see a psychiatrist and therapist I don't know where I would be today, I need them still. I really just recently started my therapy other than off and on seeing her but still very resistant. It's hard. I can leave the house but I don't like after dark or being alone. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Cavegirl]

I was being sexually harassed at work and didn't say anything. I moved to a different section so it stopped. He did the same thing to his new secretary and she told HR. She started getting retaliated against by the attorney (the harasser) The union rep knew he did the same thing to me and asked if I'd tell HR.

I didn't tell anyone ever about my childhood abuse or any of my rapes.

But I told HR to help this lady.

HR determined the accusations against him were unsubstantiated and the other girl got reprimanded.

I lost my shit. Quit eating or doing anything. Wouldn't leave my apartment or talk to anyone. Was empty and seriously considered dying. I was put in intensive all day outpatient program for a few months and it started a couple year spiral of crap.

 

[Jnean]

I would've lost my shit too. I'm sorry. I'm glad you are posting. Been through some tough stuff too. Sucks. For me, I keep pushing on, trying to see something to look forward to. Feeling pretty depressed this weekend but I know I'm not alone and i need to know that. There are things i have to do daily in order to get through the day.

 

[renee5g]

I guess like most of everyone here I never thought it would happen to me,I really didn't know what ptsd was. Now I'm trying to figure out how to handle life.I have physical therapy this morning I have to go since I canceled 2 days this week already.

 

[Seasounds]

I'm sorry that you are suffering. I believe that it can get better, over time, like mine did, if you work with it in therapy.

Pandora's box opened for me when I approached, and had sex, and when I became/moved toward being an independent adult. Respectively, this brougt into full life, my sexual abuse, and torture, by my parents-not being allowed to move or speak.

I relate to you trauma increasing through every day life.
With trauma triggered, it is like a protective shell around me shattered; leaving me with both a heightened awareness of anything that has a similar aspect to my trauma, and, ultimately (years later) leaving me freer and more empowered, due to not having the trauma locked up inside me.

 

[AnnaLost]

It fell apart after my husband died. In the 12 months preceding that my sister had been found dead and my brother committed suicide. By the time my DH died, in my arms, I was so numb and shocked I didn't know what was going on. Self medicated like a freaking champ for a few months, started to pull myself out of the tail spin and then the nightmares started, not only of his illness and death, but body memories of something that had happened when I was very young. Found out I'd been repeatedly molested and raped as a small child.

Tail spin. Self medicated again for awhile, but also got with a therapist and started working on everything. But slowly, oh so gently.

Two steps forward, some days three steps back.

 

[Chava]

I had symptoms very early, though not recognized and after a while I adapted (attention issues, anxiety, isolating myself as a kid, though I did usually have a good friend here and there). Everything went to shit in my teens....addiction, eating disorder, self harm...self destruction of all kinds. After an assault I went through a couple years of suicide attempts. That seemed to push me over the edge, but I was already so close. My trauma is early but also complex and compounded through time...also a pattern of retraumatization...have had a habit of poor boundaries and also landing myself in ER.

 

[Jnean]

Chava, sounds like my story nearly exactly. When I had this latest concussion that wasn't related to abuse at all, shit flooded me and I start EMDR in a few days. I think I just figured out why I feels so much more difficult to feel happy today.

 

[renee5g]

I made it through physical therapy ok.I just kept telling myself " you only have ___ minutes to go" of course I hauled butt as soon as I could.lol

 

[Ronin]

I wasn't exactly coping at the time the original traumas were happening / childhood.

I just learned to hide it better & desenzitize myself against it while doing more or less the similar, piling-shit-up, actitivites. It's all the pauses in between when I'm not doing the familiar that hit me deep in spots I am only slowly figuring patch for.

 

[Friday]

I have no idea when I first started showing symptoms. I know that every time I returned home (working overseas, military) I was getting wilder & wilder, more & more in trouble, les & less able to conform to BS rules that made no sense to me. It was an odd thing. In the field I was outstanding. In "my" unit I was just fine, overseas or home. Home in certain adv schools, I was always in the top 5... But sent to a basic school at home? With baby Marines straight outta boot camp/combat training? OMFG. I couldn't stay out of trouble to save my life. And the same went for being attached to certain units outside of "my" boys. It was like, in 10% of the USMC (where I spent 90% of my time) I could do no wrong... But in the rest? I could do no right.

I do know that I was diagnosed, following one round of getting my ass in hot water -again- maybe a solid year before I thought there was anything wrong. I remember the day I broke really vividly.

That's why I'll often say 5-7 years in my first PTSD tailspin. IDK when it started, really. 5 years from the day I broke were various degrees of bad-bad-bad. Couple years before that? Shrug. Hit or miss. Totally depended on where I was at.