General When Does It Become *more* Than A Shut-out?

[Nicolette]

Someone in management is quite different to deal with.... nothing of a hard struggle compared to uncontrolled PTSD.

Geez, I dunno :wink:

True and valid points. Based on what I know now and if I was not with Anthony and met someone with PTSD who was not in management.... would I get involved..........NO way! No disrespect but I wouldn't want to live like that. Mild egg shells are bad enough to walk on :rolleyes:

As a parent of a sufferer and a sufferer I tend to be more understanding in some areas, where as Nicolette is much more hard headed about it.. and in others vice versa!

True! True!

Oh well Bec, if worst comes to worst, we can always go to the park and get along on the see-saw :rofl:

 

[sisu]

This is a great thread. I am learning a lot!!

Yes my ex and I met last May and he seemed in total control of himself, his life, his emotions, etc. He did mention ptsd in passing after a couple months together, but said he was under control with meds and because he seemed in control I just accepted that. I now know that meds alone is not the answer ~ at the time I knew *nothing* about ptsd. Hindsight...I wished that he would have given me some information or encouraged me to learn about it so I could be more educated in my reactions, viewpoints and feelings. (I personally think that it should be the responsibility of the ptsd sufferer to help educate the people in their lives...not just assume they understand)

I would never allow a person without ptsd to treat me like my ex did. Although nothing he did was actually abusive....he did ignore my calls and emails...detached himself from my life....and said I needed to find someone else better than him because he was too flawed. Normally that would tell me ~ its over...move on sister....we are done here.

I do realize that it is a *choice* that we all have as carers to stay or walk away. But after 8 months, and being 41 years old....I made a huge investment in our relationship. My kids loved him, I loved him, my parents loved him, etc. He was part of our family ... and I was part of his. It was not so easy just to walk away....at least for me it wasn't.

It is beyond my thinking, as a person without ptsd, why someone would ever walk away from a relationship that worked. We had a wonderful relationship...no problems ever. We completed each other. But, I guess with the stress of his job and his problems with his kids....it got to be too much. It streched his fragile mind too far and he had to retreat.

Because I tend to have a soft heart, I had a really hard time walking away because I knew that the things he was doing and saying were because of his clouded viewpoint that he has right now. But, he is very stubborn in his viewpoint...not sure if this is the case with all ptsd sufferers. He *knows* he is right and does not believe me when I say that am willing to learn and take this journey with him. Maybe somewhere in his mind he thinks that it ever gets too much for me that I will be gone....so he left first. It saves him a little pain which is something that he cannot handle.

This is not something that I bargained for....but I would have stuck with him....he just would not allow it. No one is perfect. We all have our crosses to bear....some are just more visible than others.


Sisu

 

[nyc]

I hear you Sisu. I would have stayed with mine too. But, he pushed so very hard, was manipulative and self destructive. He really gave me no choice.

My "friend" definitely needed to do his healing on his own. And he is. He's in there every week working on stuff. So, I feel more positive about having let him go and see what will come through further down the road. Maybe nothing. I feel ok with that now.

I believe these people that we love are just doing the best they can.

I don't feel like I was co-dependent or needy when I entered the relationship. I was just someone who fell in love with a great guy. Everything went totally haywire with the therapy. I turned into a nutcase as well cause I had no understanding. But, now things feel ok. I know to just let him be to do whatever it is he needs to do.

I saw a tiny light recently. After a 7 month shut down- that began soon after the therapy started - he chose to see me recently. I'm not exactly sitting at home waiting for him to " choose to see me". And he's not exactly my deam guy right now. But, I am glad to see some progress and movement in his attiute towards me and himself. He didn't run away. He had positive things to say. He felt close to what I used to know. Perhaps this is what recovery starts to look like? I don't know.


I will always believe that he is a great guy despite all the shitty coping mechanisms.The ones that shut him down.

Something wonderful that has resulted is a really simple feeling of caring about someone no matter what. It is unconditional. All I want is for him to heal because he did not deserve any of what happened.

 

[Deleted member 26951]

Nicolette,

IMHO.... If you couldn't wait 9 weeks.......Well I guess then you should move on. Your back pain, and our emotional pain that invades everyone of our senses, our lives, and our being...... is a no brainer. I would GLADLY give anything to have your back pain, and you can deal with PTSD.

.

As a person in love with someone who has ptsd, I try to understand, I try to allow the space, I try to reassure and I read this site and look to educate myself in how he copes and how I can help him and myself. However, we were friends for many years before I admitted I was in love with him. I thought a few months ago we found a "better place" and we would work together on ptsd. That is not the case, he has completely shut down again (been thru this as friends for years), I would let him be, give him space, write a letter and he would respond. In May, when he shut down again, I have had very little contact since, I have tried through texts, voicemail and letters, this time no response. His only response is on a matter he requested assistance with. Being a person who does love this person, it is awfully difficult not to give up some days. Infact, I told him I would always love him but I could no longer tolerate this. It breaks my heart, as much as he would tell me he loves me and I was his world before the shut down, it is so hard to keep the faith, if I believed he would put forth the effort, I certainly would keep going, loving someone with ptsd is very difficult.

 

[Iamyflysandy]

I usually shut people out because I don't want to burden them with my issues.

 

[Nolegirl]

Wow. It seems like we all have the same story. I'm very much in love with a career navy man who has ptsd. We have been together for 8.5 months. Everything was fine until he was 'moved' to another job location on base. We are 30 days into a shut out and I am going crazy. I have not heard from him since thanksgiving. I text, no reply, I sent a card, no acknowledgement, I call and it goes to voicemail. Like Sisu, my entire family, children and friends all love him, but now I feel like maybe we were all duped or

 

[Nolegirl]

Fooled. I'm so broken hearted.

 

[Grant b]

I have just started dating my gf who has pstd and iv fallen pretty hard for her things where great until we had sex for the first time and that triggerd an episode. She told me the next day she needed a few days to sort out her head she texted me that night saying she's to unstable to be in a relationship I called her we talked and I said I'm willing to do the hard yards I like you and I will be here for you and I asked her do you want to stay with me? She said half of me does half of me doesnt I said the part that doesn't is that the ptsd talking? She's like yes I don't want to drag you down I said you won't and it's me who should make that choice if I want to leave and I am happy with you and I'm going to to the hardyards cuz I want to have a future with you. and after trying to Convince her for awhile she decided to stay with me even though she seemed slightly annoyed. Well next day she become very blunt with me followed by another day of bluntness and now for the last 2 days she had shut me out. I told her I'll give her space and I'm here when she is ready to talk. I realy like this girl and I'm just praying she we come around I miss here already :(.

 

[SummerGirl]

Fooled. I'm so broken hearted.

How did things turn out?

 

[T Diddy]

When I met my girlfriend, I was unaware of her PTSD. We had a couple great dates and we fell in love. S...

Unbroken, I notice it's been a number of years since this thread was posted. I'm new at this and have not been on this site before. I'm looking for understanding I have PTSD and supporting a man that I love who has it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

That member hasn't been on since 2009... you may be better off starting a new thread so you can get more responses.