When Emotions, Stress And Anxiety Get Overwhelming...

[SeanCharles]

Hi everyone!

PTSD+1000 SeanGeo -1500

Ever since I lost Sheba, I am struggling... I don't feel it's grief related though. Before losing her, I'd come home to an emotional support dog who would in essence be here for me. With her gone now, I come home to an empty house day after day and I feel like I have no emotional outlet. (With my loss of her, I lost my emotional rock.)

I am spiraling in a downward direction all the while fighting to keep my emotions in check... I feel like I am losing a major battle. I am strong enough not to self-harm or not to action intrusive thoughts which I am fighting daily (especially at work) which seem to be intensifying.


In ways, what is at the center of some of this emotional turmoil is whether or not I am getting a dog for my birthday or if my sister decided to give my mom a rescued pup. This is causing feels of how unloved I feel by my sister and what courses of action I might take, which could in essence hurt them as well as myself. I feel completely lost and suspect that I am dealing with much of my ptsd...

I am not sure if this is a rant or what my intention was for posting this...


---SeanGeo

 

[Recovery4Me]

Well early Happy Birthday?!

Hey, what if you empowered yourself and went to a shelter and found yourself a dog that needed you too! Sometimes, a furry friend is :cry:waiting ...you could be their destiny.:hug: I found our big guy for 25 dollars.

Just a thought.

 

[SeanCharles]

Sheba, the b/w avatar(s) was a shelter dog. She wound up serving as my emotional support dog. My determination is to train a psychiatric public access service dog. I am being a bit selective in that I am hoping to get a pup who doesn't have the baggage that a shelter rescue might have. My sister is passionate about shelter dogs... until a recent rescue operation in the village she's in where the litter was outside! One of the pups from that litter was sent to my mom. Right now I am dealing with some very strong emotions as to what motive(s) my sister had for doing this action. I am hoping it's a present for me, although in ways it's looking like it was given to my mom... If that's the case, I am gonna be extremely :mad: at my sister and may wind up causing damage to a fragile relationship which is actually needed should I find out differently as both my mom and have their own dog(s). My mom has one older dog along with the pup while my sister has 2 dogs with her in the village.

Prior to me losing my emotional support dog, My mom had to put down a 14yo shelter dog she and my sister got in 2001 after the loss of my (step)dad. I am getting mixed signals so I am not sure what's up yet. My mom dropped a hint at one point that she was going to lose sleep for a # of months and later she said she hadn't at that point. I am totally confused and yet I don't want to press. My b-day is March 1! So I am doing the best I can despite not having the emotional rock I had to not rock the boat given I am not sure what's what.

My plan B is to get a possible re-homing puppy if this pup isn't mine. The problem is the rift is going to be extremely ugly if it turns out I am not the recipient... My mom is a safety net of sorts. I'm not sure how things might/might not change between us... Right now I am distancing myself a little so that I don't displace anger towards her,

---SeanGeo

 

[Friday]

I'm having some trouble figuring out why you'd be mad that your sister gives your mom a puppy? Especially if you've been at all open about needing to make a careful choice, instead of having someone else's choice foisted upon you? But even still, isn't it okay for your sister to do something nice for your mom?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think that assumptions are playing a major role here. You've been assuming that the pup was for you and now that it may not be, you're mad at your sister. But why? Maybe your sister gave the dog to your mom because she lost a dog, too. I'm sure your mom has had conversations with your sister about the dog and such, and right now it just seems like you're guessing about what's going on and getting angry over the fact that your assumptions may not be correct.

I think you should step up and take matters into your own hands. Get your own rescue dog. I don't know what shelters are like where you are, but around here puppies come in all the time, ESPECIALLY right after the holidays as people get dogs for Christmas and then a month or so later realize they don't want them.

Otherwise, you are going to stew about this for the next month and a half and if you don't get the dog then it is just going to upset you even more.

I'm VERY much for getting a new dog as soon after the old dog passes on. We do this in our family as the house just seems so empty without a dog. Its not about forgetting the old dog, its about moving forward and rescuing a new dog, giving that dog a chance at a great life and bringing a new sense of fullness to the family.

I hope you can get this all sorted out as I think that focusing on looking for a new dog and getting that new dog may be better for you emotionally rather than feeling hurt that your sister gave a dog to your mom instead of you.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I totally agree with @Solara &with @FridayJones.

Let me explain why please, with the understanding that my thoughts are not necessarily the only ones in the galaxy. :clown: The position that you are choosing appears to be one of an expecting another to fulfill your need with a family member having the same identical need set.

When it involves a contest of sorts between two parties it becomes a rivalry, a set-up or a triangulation in which your 'sister' can not win...because someone will have hurt feelings. The puppy becomes a vehicle for old dynamics to open in wounds of family of origin and that is sad for everybody...including the puppy. For when one of you see the puppy, these feelings will come forward and the puppy will sense it & think it did something wrong. :(

Also...when I (using me now as an example) place someone in a no-win position, to fulfill my needs when I can elect to do so myself, I am placing myself in a codependent behavior pattern. Not the best choice to be empowered and pro-active. If I elect not to be an adult & meet my own need set...I will be playing the victim/child role if things do not go my way. (Of course not everyone has learned codependent coping skills to survive in the family of origin...so I am offering my take, ok?)

So perhaps, you may elect to select a dog that is your destiny and waiting patiently for you to take a step outside of this box of pain. It may be a great experience for 2015! If you did so, what type of friend might you look for?:hug:

 

[FindingMyself88]

I agree with the others. Also, personally for me- I would not want someone picking out a dog that is not just going to be a pet, but my partner to do life with. Picking out a service dog prospect is WAYYYYY more challenging that picking out an emotional support dog. This dog has to have the right temperament and as you say not so much "baggage". If you are wanting a puppy from the same litter as the one your mom's is from, why not ask your sister out right if they have any puppies left? I often find assuming rather than being up front about it gets me in a lot of mental turmoil. If they don't have any more from that litter, maybe ask your sister to keep a watch out for any more puppies that come in.

I love Bristol with EVERYTHING in me and she has saved my life, but the next SD I get will be a puppy that I choose. I love rescues, but for service dog work, its tough. I have been working for month's on Bristol's reactivity to other dogs. She is not aggressive when off leash but I found out she had some "baggage". The shelter used a shock collar on her, so now she freaks when she sees other dogs. We have come a LONGGGKGGG way, but still have a LONG way to go. I will keep working with her as I believe we can overcome it and she is a great alerter. She even started alerting to migraines and such which is not something you can train. But knowing what I know, I will get a puppy next time and not from a shelter.

Try to take a step back and look at this in a good light. I would suggest talking with some experienced trainers in your area. Find one that hopefully has experience with service dogs and let them help you find the right dog.

 

[SeanCharles]

Okay... I feel some clarity is needed...

Let me start off with this point here: My mom and sister are likely trying to do for me that they don't feel I can do safely on my own. My mom and sister in ways are very much protective of me in that they try to anticipate my every move so that they can pick up what shambles I create. I feel in ways and I see this at work too which really is annoying. People seem to think I am an idiot! (I myself know myself better than people realize). I don't however do not believe I am an idiot. Why do I get this sense? At work I am constantly micromanaged, seems like everyone (not everyone here necessarily) wants to manage my life!

I guess in ways I can see my sis replacing the dog that my mom put down, between the two of them that gives my sis 3 dogs and my mom 2 dogs thus leaving me without one. This puppy for now is going to be referred to as Lovey as my mom is calling her. I don't know the entire story and my mom likely dropped the original hint on purpose.

I know I am feeling mix emotions and all, and quite possibly I may be simply over analyzing this whole situation with the possibility of blowing this up bigger than it really is which is creating allusions in my own mind. (hopefully this is logical and grammatically correct usage).

As for this pup having baggage, I don't think it does, as it's only had the breeder who was mistreating the entire litter by leaving it in the cold along with the mom. I only know as much as what my mom told me as well as what my sister posted publicly on Facebook which is how I discovered that she was sending the pup to my mom from the beginning. I am trying to keep a cool head and let this situation unfold.

Hopefully this this clears some things a bit...

---SeanGeo

 

[Recovery4Me]

((SeanGeo))

 

[Tanishq]

I agree with all the posters here. So many insights to look into.

Edit: Take care Sean, I am understanding this matter has become bit complicated to solve for you as everyone in your family suffering through hard time. I wish you best wishes in finding answers to this concern. You deserve the best puppy and best puppy deserves you on right time. Right time for both. For Owner and Pup.