I think if you aren't feeling it, it's in your right to say something to your significant other. If he doesn't like it...too bad. Of course you can say it gently, but betraying yourself to keep him happy is only going to make you feel worse isn't it?
Maybe you can make a deal with him that you are prepared to do other things besides being groped and 'having' to have sex with him...like touching his genitals, or giving oral pleasure, or something that you don't feel so averse to. If he doesn't want to do these things, then you need to negotiate.
It's not just about him getting his needs met here. You BOTH have needs, and in a loving relationship both parties want each other to feel taken care of. He isn't going to know you feel this way unless you let him know though.
In your desire to 'make him happy' what you are broadcasting to yourself is that your desire to be left alone is wrong and not as important. What I am hearing is a lot of fear that if you do speak openly with him about this, he will be upset with you and maybe leave or like you less, or won't be understanding.
It's possible that he won't be understanding, but you aren't really giving him the chance to be right now either. He won't know you feel this way unless you let him know. If he cares about you, then he will want you to feel safe to be sexual or not.
I know it can be hard to express it sometimes, but placing his feelings as more important than your own isn't helping you to feel respected. You are also teaching him that you do like it, when you in fact don't. That isn't being honest with either of you.
Even if you used to like it before, things change. There is nothing written in stone that says you have to like what you used to, when you no longer do, is there?
Communication can be so tricky in relationships...but improving in this area is important I think.
Maybe you can make a deal with him that you are prepared to do other things besides being groped and 'having' to have sex with him...like touching his genitals, or giving oral pleasure, or something that you don't feel so averse to. If he doesn't want to do these things, then you need to negotiate.
It's not just about him getting his needs met here. You BOTH have needs, and in a loving relationship both parties want each other to feel taken care of. He isn't going to know you feel this way unless you let him know though.
In your desire to 'make him happy' what you are broadcasting to yourself is that your desire to be left alone is wrong and not as important. What I am hearing is a lot of fear that if you do speak openly with him about this, he will be upset with you and maybe leave or like you less, or won't be understanding.
It's possible that he won't be understanding, but you aren't really giving him the chance to be right now either. He won't know you feel this way unless you let him know. If he cares about you, then he will want you to feel safe to be sexual or not.
I know it can be hard to express it sometimes, but placing his feelings as more important than your own isn't helping you to feel respected. You are also teaching him that you do like it, when you in fact don't. That isn't being honest with either of you.
Even if you used to like it before, things change. There is nothing written in stone that says you have to like what you used to, when you no longer do, is there?
Communication can be so tricky in relationships...but improving in this area is important I think.
