When my T is on vacation

[Punky143]

It's that time again. My T is on vacation for 8 days and I and all my "parts" are dysregulated, loud, unsettled and a hundred other things. It's been like this for my entire life when it came to people leaving or vacationing. I never knew how to express the deep feelings it always brought up nor do I think it ever occurred to me to speak up. Only in the last year will my parts write about it for my T to read or my younger parts will draw pictures and sometimes they share. Let's just say I take a long time to not only learn but accept it and put it into practice. I have many other dx's that also play into the bigger picture such as the one I hate the most- Borderline personality disorder. It's not a good mix with DID- it's exhausting to say the least. Not only minute by minute mood changes at times but also switching into different parts mostly unknowingly. Getting back to the point- I feel lost, unsettled and paranoid people are staring at me. I know I have other things going on next week but no matter what, it's not the same. I have parts who are extremely rigid with routine, like every week should be the same for appts and if anything changes, they get mad. Urgh. Anyone else have this their whole lives and no matter what you try, it never goes away?

 

[Mach123]

Well, it is going away finally. In fact, when she was leaving (Tuesday, for three weeks) I said,"a few years ago, I would've been behaving like" (what you said). Now I'm not.

I even kidded with her and said, "call me if you panick, or any reason, or text me if you just can't live without me."

We both had a good laugh. I hope those days are gone for good.

I'm not making light of your feelings, I had them. : ). I hope you feel better.

 

[whiteraven]

Anyone else have this their whole lives and no matter what you try, it never goes away?

Yes. My therapist (soon to be former, maybe) holds workshops and retreats all over the world and, although he is usually available on my appointment day, sometimes I have to go for 2 weeks or more without him. I still haven't figured out how to manage. Heck, I have trouble managing through the week when he's *not* away.

 

[Sharon7788]

Yes, it’s so hard with parts. I found it helped to encourage my little parts to do something while t was away that would make my t proud of them when we had our next session. It seemed to settle them some and became a surprise they planned for t. I don’t know if it ever gets easier. It has gotten different where I can logically tell myself that this isn’t abandonment, and I’m Just feeling junk from the past. I can relate to how you feel, it’s hard.