When pain and suffering far outweigh good/enjoyable things in life.

[EmmaOwl]

I am so, so tired. Last week I was thinking, "Why is there not compassionate care for PTSD and Bipolar II? They are both deadly illnesses, after all. It's a matter of time. Can't I just...be let go?"

Immunological issues and chronic pain both throw in some extra fun additions.

Once in a while I try to imagine - who would I hurt, and how much would they hurt, should I be eased out of the way.

These are not desires I am about to act out. They are the thoughts running through the mind of an extremely depressed, anxious, and fatigued person. I feel beaten to a pulp, physically and emotionally.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm sorry! :hug:

I know it can feel like a hopeless fight and I get the just so tired feeling. I feel that way now as well! But, it isn't hopeless and I see that on here every day! Keep up the fight!

 

[Deadman]

who would I hurt, and how much would they hurt, should I be eased out of the way.

And how long is your list? Who is on it?

 

[Teasel]

Finding my Mum trying to commit suicide was the most painful event of my life. She poisoned herself with lithium.

When I'm quite depressed I often find myself watching TV shows about English Heritage. They spend millions on the careful preservation of every tiny part of the grand old houses of the aristocracy. I always find myself thinking if 1/10th of the care and attention were lavished on the mentally ill it would be extroadinary.

 

[EmmaOwl]

And how long is your list? Who is on it?

My mom, my dad. That's it.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I'm sorry! :hug:

I know it can feel like a hopeless fight and I get the just so tired feeli...

Thank you

 

[EmmaOwl]

Finding my Mum trying to commit suicide was the most painful event of my life. She poisoned herself w...

I'm sorry you went through this.
I was thinking more along the lines of my loved ones being told ahead of time.

 

[Deadman]

My mom, my dad. That's it.

My mom, my sister.

But I know there are many more. Now distant friends who would wonder why I didn't speak up and question themselves for not noticing. And I'm not sure I could leave some poor medic with the job of cleaning up the mess. I know how much suck there is in that.

 

[ladee]

And then there is me and others here.... please at least add me to the list....
I understand, my favorite thing is, a hundred years from now who will care that I 'fought the good fight'.... but I do know there are friends that would care if i wasn't here.... no family, but people who do love and care about me....

I too have chronic pain and know how that, all by itself ,can lead us down that dark road of no return....no magic answers , just letting you know I would miss your presence here.... and your energy in the world.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It sucks to not be feeling at your best and in pain for long periods of time, it is depressing because I do not know about you but when I get sick for a long time, my mind thinks of all the things I could be doing instead. It is not pleasurable to not feel good anyways.

I think you are bright and beautiful and don't you dare harm yourself girl. You are like a bright spot around here and would be deeply missed. By me especially. I am only sorry it took this for me to tell you that.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm Bipolar 2 and PTSD also, and I can relate in many ways from my past. I also have a physical condition that causes me a lot of troubles. However, even though life is throwing a lot of crap at me right now, I am weathering the storms quite well. I am some 15 years down the road in my Therapy, so I am sure that has helped me a lot. I hope you come through your current troubles too, and shine brightly one day again soon. I hope my story can give you a little lift.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I am so, so tired. Last week I was thinking, "Why is there not compassionate care for PTSD and Bipolar...

I know exactly how you feel @Allie D.
Regular people don't understand the heartbreaking mental anguish. They certainly don't understand how the exhaustion is so deep in the muscles and joints, its as though the marrow has been sucked right out of our bones. Never knowing how what you eat will affect you. Will you only be able to eat two bites before the pain doubles you over or will you be shoveling it in without knowing what you ate or how long you've been eating. Not until the pain breaks through the brain fog.
Then out of the blue, you feel great and that makes all the Norms know you must be exaggerating.

I have heard of those who find great therapists so they are out there. I'm still looking. In the meantime we have this place. We come and go and no matter how long its been, there are caring people who relate, understand, give some excellent advice, share a laugh and even cry with you. Sending caring and calm your way.