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When You Isolate

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Hey, the way I see it Brat, either I treat myself to a meal or a movie and really be by myself - or spend my fun money listening to bells go off and the chatter of voices And lots of lights with colors - like a party!

I sometimes watch a movie in cinema, alone. But well, when I tell about it at work they think I was there with others, so it was social :p. Same thing with going swimming, to a flea market, shopping or whatever else- I'm amongst people, who cares that I almost don't interact with them.

Well, that's no problem for me.
Often when I come back from work I am quite angry inside and well, the first who meets me will get it... As I know that I want to be alone for an hour or so, I need to, I don't want to hurt anyone who has absolutely nothing to do with it.
 
Isolating is the only time I truly feel safe and at ease. I don't have to feign interest in people's conversations. I don't have to pretend to be happy. I don't have to fake laugh at jokes. If I'm tired, I can sleep without anyone asking me why I am sleeping so much. If I just want to lay there and stare at the wall for 3 hours, I can. I can just be myself.
 
Thank you for all your comments. Today, ironically after posting, my ex told me he had met someone new and please leave him alone, just a month after last being with me and telling me he adored me, and loved me more than I can imagine. I guess this is not exactly isolating, but rather making a strong statement that he wants me out of his life. I will of course respect that, but this has been/is an extremely tough ride. Very upset tonight.
 
(((Aw Jenkins))) the spin in my f'd mind is saying, "ain't it the risk I take with my SO every damn day." It is understandably rough and honey I'm right with you. I'm validating your feelings about this right now. Right now. Okay?
 
Yes, if there is no respect for one's boundaries, then it can be very tiring... the logical solution is to isolate. Otherwise one's boundaries is going to be violated even more, making one feel even more drained.
 
TOTALLY! That is the main reason I do it. I feel I am toxic now, poison to anyone who loves me. My family, my poor family.

I would -if I could- go up to some arctic no where land and rot----it is not that easy, though. And so I stay close but everyone knows not to come by. It makes me very sad.
 
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