When your therapist touches you.

[Deleted member 37474]

1. We were talking about protective parts within ourselves and one of mine was “positive mentor.” I explained that my students hug me sometimes and I hug them back.

2. Told my T about the nightmare I had last week where she no longer cared for me, was dismissive, morphed into someone else and said really horrible things about all of our previous sessions.

So... then we had a very productive EMDR session and did grounding, but I left at a suds of around 4.

As we were walking out, she patted me gently on the upper back shoulder area and said “see ya” in her kind voice. All smiles between us.

But now I can’t stop obsessing over whether I felt okay or good about her touching me. She never has before. Why does this seem so scary?

 

[littleoc]

I'm not sure I personally could know what scared you so much, unless it was that the contact was in that moment rather personal. You were very vulnerable right then. You may have the best idea, though it might take a little searching and processing over several days to finally understand it.

However, if you need to, bring it up in session (if you want to, no need to force it). Your therapist will likely ask if it's okay to touch you again, or you can request that it not happen again, if it really troubled you.

I hope that helps

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I'm not sure I personally could know what scared you so much, unless it was that the contact was in th...

Even reading your response is causing some panic. Maybe I shouldn’t write threads on the same day as emdr, lol. I need to calm my system down.

 

[Freida]

Why does this seem so scary

because its someone touching you. I have this issue - I'm not a hugger and I don't want people touching me. My Ts wouldn't even think of it. Part of my issue is I have fibro so it can hurt to be touched but even if I'm having a good day -- no.

For me its having to determine if they are friend or foe. And since my trauma was caused by someone I knew, I have a hard time figuring that out.

I think it might be a great thing to bring up at your next session. You might find out you are doing better than you think you are because she felt confident enough to touch you and you were calm enough to reflect on how it felt and not panic...

 

[Mach123]

IDK. You have a thing about it? Which is ok, perfectly ok to have a thing about it. I had cranial sacral years ago when I first started to try and explore my CSA. I sobbed violently after. I don't cry much. I tear up easily but I can shake it off it's not crying. That was very intimate though she was like massaging my head and I was lying down. (vulnerable) My (now) therapist touched me. I am not sure when. She can touch me. Like you said, the same thing. I would touch her in that way. Familiar. Almost familial? Like a tap or a pat on the shoulder. It's not going to happen enough to think about it. I'm glad it's safe for everyone at that level. I hope your bad feeling goes away. It was good of her to take a chance like that. I'm sure she would be unhappy if she knew she misread you so badly. My first therapist used to poke me gently to try and get me to feel my body. I thought it was funny. I hope you feel ok about it in awhile. : )

 

[deeplyloved]

My therapist does not touch me and sometimes it feels so obvious that’s she’s consciously not touching me, you know? I can remember what was basically one instance of touching (after our initial introductory handshake).

I was having a very tough session and we were trying to ground and transition out. We had already gone over. The next clients knocked on the door! She opened it and told them she would be with them shortly. I was mortified.

She had this paper rolled in her hand and she leaned forward and tapped my foot with it and said “hey, listen, I’m in charge of the time here, ok? It’s fine.” As I was walking out the door, she very lightly tapped my elbow and quietly said “don’t worry about them. Take a deep breath. It’s ok.” I didn’t have a negative feeling about the touch, but i noticed it had a great deal of significance simply because it had never happened before.

I hope you can find clarity about how you feel about this particular touch on your shoulder from your therapist...and that you’ll feel safe talking about it with her.

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you schedule other activities on therapy day?

If clearing your schedule is not an option, then maybe you could have therapy at the end of the day.

 

[anonymous]

My therapist hugs me, particularly if he thinks I really need it. It isnt every week, but sometimes. Honestly, I do better if they do touch. Somehow it makes me feel more connected. I spend a lot of time not talking and having a hard timr settling my thoughts. Somehow, physical contact fills thr gaps that I cant find words for. It says, "It is okay. I am still here. You may be zoned out, but I haven't left. It's safe." Maybe not that exactly, but it makes a connection where there was not one previously. He has never hugged me in the middle if a session. It is only at the end that he does this. The touch is more of a touch on the shoulder or elbow or something.

Maybe I am the strange one. I find it comforting.

 

[Still Standing]

Geesh! Some of you amaze me! To let your T touch you...wow! At the end of my first visit with my therapist, I blurted out for him to never touch me. It exploded out of me, unexpectantly. He said he would never touch me. That is how I started my therapy!!!! To even think of him touching me or patting my shoulder seems so out of place (for me). If I were to allow touch, that would threaten the possibility of attaching to him and that would hinder therapy, in my case. Touching is too intimate. It would mean, to me, that we are going beyond straight therapy and entering into a relationship as a friendship might start. In my head, as warped as it is, touching is threatening. Kudos to those of you who are not afraid of touch or are open to it!!!

 

[anonymous]

Wow. Anony mous here again. I guess i never thought that anything he did crossed a line. His boundaries are pretty strict. No email, no text, not a minute over, etc. Im now wondering if I should not have allowed this.

It isnt often or prolonged touching. But maybe I'm wrong to think it is okay.

 

[EveHarrington]

Wow. Anony mous here again. I guess i never thought that anything he did crossed a line. His boundar...

Why are you thinking it’s inappropriate?

 

[Still Standing]

I think it is something to discuss with your T. In your case, he may think touch is therapeutic for you. We are all have differing needs at different times in our journey of therapy. Maybe it is an important step in your healing. Don't reject it right off. Talk to about it and understand why it happened.