When your therapist touches you.

[Deleted member 37474]

@intothelight, I was wondering this. My thought is that she was showing me that she cares, the way I do that for some students. The only difference is that I typically will respond to a student who hugs me first. Also, there is more touch involved in teaching an instrument, so touch is present each lesson from the start. This was definitely the first time she has ever touched me. In over 6 months of knowing her. I wish I could feel that it was comforting or nice, but instead it leaves me questioning it and its motive and it seems so stupid to me because this type of touch is in my everyday life with colleagues, friends, family, students. Why does this touch with her scare me so much?

 

[Gs172003]

My therapist is a woman and she asks if she can hug me.

 

[Cyberluddite]

Because for a lot of people, not just folks like us, we're not used to being treated with physical kindness. Usually, we're the ones giving that to others.

It's alright to have emotional reactions in those types of situations. Healthy, in fact. You're actively using the tools your T has been teaching you, to positively reinforce the line between "then" and "now".

If you still have concerns by the start of the next session, definitely discuss them with your T. She's intelligent, but not omniscient... which means that your feedback is crucial to the recovery team's progress and potential success.

"Lead the way, MacDuff, and d*mned be he who cries 'Hold!'" (Shakespeare)

 

[Deleted member 541]

My therapist and I use to touch. He’d give me a friendly pat on the shoulder or back as I left. I love touch. I love to give hugs and to touch someone when I’m talking with them.

Maybe cause I rarely got them as a child. IDK! But touch for me signals care, in that the person touching me (in an appropriate manner) cares about me and my being.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I had a new thought on this today. I think my uneasiness of touch is related to shame. Kind of like I am not deserving of kind, safe touch. I don’t know... just a thought.

 

[Rani G2]

because its someone touching you. I have this issue - I'm not a hugger and I don't want people touching me

Same here. I usually tell people straight away that I dislike hugging, touching etc.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I have this husband/wife customers that have been sooooooo supportive of me. Yes, they pretty much know everything. Anyways, it will be months of not seeing the husband, and when I do, he will either give me a huge hug, or I will say, “Hey, don’t I get a hug today?”

There is nothing wrong with touching or hugging as long as it’s appropriate. We deserve to be touched and hugged and even loved. I know that many here fear this because of the trauma that they’ve been through. It’s a process to get to the point that it’s ok and I hope that someday a good old hug comes your way...

 

[Sweetleaf]

Mine gives me a hug at the end of every session and I oblige but I really hate hugs, and physical contact in general. It's triggering. I always make sure to pick up my coat and bag before I stand up, so I have one arm full, and can only give a half hug.

 

[MyWillow]

My T and I spontaneously hugged just before Christmas 2016. I quite like hugs. That was before I forgot most of 6 months of therapy. Oooops. Since the realisation that I apparently dissociate a lot in session I’ve been feeling a bit fragile and resistant. Because I’m fiercely independent. Having to be brought back from dissociative flashbacks, memory loss and whatever else makes me feel really vulnerable. And she’s been incredibly sensitive to that. She allows me to regain my dignity as I leave. Occasionally a gentle touch to my shoulder and “take care” is enough to help me through. It’s such an individual thing. Not something I could bring up in T so kudos to those who can.

 

[Rose White]

The first hug was to prove to him (and maybe a little to me) that I wasnt scared.

I am generally a hugger, but sometimes ...I go EEK....

This resonated with me. My therapist didn’t hug me at first (I think!). Then, the day when I disclosed the abuse she did at the end.

And it felt soo good!

But then I got scared about how good it felt, and avoided her hugs at the end and she respected that.

But I kept thinking about that hug.

And I remembered that in my life I hug people less important to me than her. And I knew that my time with T would be finite and I wanted to feel that good hug feeling again.

So I explained all this, and she was happy to oblige. So now we hug every time, at the end.

It has not always been clean and clear for me. Some weeks I have fantasized that i would go into therapy and ask if I could have a hug right off the bat. I have never done it.

Some weeks after she hugs me I immediately feel shame that I don’t deserve it and as soon as I’m alone away from her I shudder or curse at myself. :(

Some weeks I act like I’m just going to hurry out and she says, “Where’s my hug?” And it feels really good.

Some weeks I try to give her a stiff polite hug in order to “protect” myself and “be strong”. Some weeks I feel myself hugging her extra tight.

And on and on and on. It seems different every time. I am grateful for her hugs, but I think they do add a sense of confusion somehow? I mean, the whole therapy process is confusing, so it’s hard to know if the hugs make it more so or if they are just a part of the whole thing which is confusing in general.

 

[Cyberluddite]

I mean, the whole therapy process is confusing, so it’s hard to know if the hugs make it more so or if they are just a part of the whole thing which is confusing in general.

That last part is the most important. Your comfort zone is trying to synch with your personal space, and both are looking to you to establish the boundaries.

Hugs are like gifts; only you can choose how to receive, and/or use, them. And it sounds like you're using your head as much as your heart. :hug:

 

[blackemerald1]

No I would not allow anyone to hug me. But that is my problem & my choice. I think about being touched but it make's me feel horrible.
I guess I have a very long way to go.
It's never occurred to me that my psych. Dr would ever touch me ever.. It won't happen. I would freak out & my Dr would know this.
I even get really scared when my GP has to touch me to do my BP or listen to my chest.. normal stuff. My anxiety levels rocket.
Wow...
But in saying this I accept everyone is different & that's ok too.