Sufferer Where Do I Begin?

[JustBe]

Good for you Mandy! Now you're on your way!

 

[anthony]

Welcome to PTSD Forum.

 

[Mandy Tad]

thank you Anthony, I believe it was you who has started this forum.? You are amazing. I have found so much help and support from this forum

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, workplace bullying is a real phenomonon. You were a target because you are good at what you do and you are good with people.

I am sorry this happened to you. It is the worst of crazymaking and high drama. There is an authot Tim Fields who has a website success unlimited and it covers the full range of all of the kinds of bullying there is.

There is nothing wrong with you, you are innocent and did not deserve this at all. Jeoulousy plays a huge part in workplace bullying. It breaks you down and is very hard to prove and very hard to get any justice for it. I am really sad that this happened to you.

I also have been the victim of religous bullies and it messed me up for years of my life. I did not have good support. Therapy did not help me to recover. Recently I have been doing emdr and it has transformed my life and I am no longer haunted by te memories. I wish you the very best. It is not your fault in any way and you are not alone. You will be ok someday. It will take time to rebuild what was destroyed in you.

Be patient with yourself you are doing the best you can with the cards that got dealt to you. Take care and be safe.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Thank you for you support Gizmo. It is true abt Jealously, the senior manager who was bullying me hated my knowledge and logical mind. At the end of every disaster that happened no doubt they did everything to blame me it came out that I was right. Even when I travelled overseas on work she made my trip so difficult and would yell at me and threthen me of going to the head of depts(which she did) with stories if I did not listen to her. I was aghast! I told my manager who tried to help but she could do nothing she tried and tried. It was horrible when I was told to watch my back! as she would get at me and would not stop. I simply just hate myself now for not following my heart and leaving back then.. I am such a fool to stay there. If I had walked away I would be so much better.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Try not to beat yourself up. You did not know what kind of person you were dealing with. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. I was bullied and hated and blamed myself for being so naive until I realized that I was a target of abuse. I am glad you know this about yourself.

It is going to take time to heal and recover from this one. I am so sad that this has happened to you. Take good care of you and go easy on yourself. You deserve time to heal. Your life has been changed by this insidious experience and you will have to rebuild your life based on what you know now. I wish you the best at your new job. Good for you for getting a new job. Take care and be well. Big hugs.

 

[Mandy Tad]

You are lovely, I try to tell myself it is okay, it happened it is the past.. then these flashbacks, its so real as if I am at my old workplace.. it is driving me crazy.. Not yet got a new job.. but I think I need to stop looking for a job and work on myself

EMDR? sounds interesting and scary.. I finally have come to terms that I do deserve time to heal especially after the 2nd episode of flashbacks.!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Oh I am sorry, I thought you said you had a job. I must be more careful when I read. I think working on yourself is a great idea. It will take some time and work to overcome what has happened to you. You are so worth it and you deserve alot of hope and healing. I am here to support you.

Mabe you could start a trauma diary and write about your experiences at work. It offers alot of support. Food for thought. Feel free to toss it in the trash.

I think waiting to do things until you are ready is a wise choice. Big hugs.

 

[Mandy Tad]

:) I have news for you. I did get a job, got offered a job today.. :) You were living in my future my dear friend. I had actually decided to stop looking for work and to focus on my health and now this job offer. Though I do not know what will happen tomorrow. I went to see a psychiatrist today and he may just decide that I cannot work and will send the letter to the doctor stating.. so I dont know what will happen tomorrow. Just meeting the psychiatrist was not good, it was opening a can of worms again and I so hate to speak about the way I was bullied and intimidated. I want to put it all away in the trash but the flashbacks, memories the visions keep coming back. I dont like to even think of them but they come back.. Not sure anymore what tomorrow will bring.

How did you cope with all the bullying? do you still have flashbacks? how do you manage to control them?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I did not cope at all. It devastated me. I was in mourning for years. I did not have good support to help guide me through it. I blamed myself for being so naive, so gullible, so vulnerable and desperately needy.

But not anymore. I see them as the perpetrators and me as their victim. It was not my fault. I was ganged up on.

No I do not have flashbacks anymore and I am healed from the experience. It took me quit blaming myself for getting involved with the bullies. It was hell for years though. I did not get any help for it. It was a branding experience. I did alot of research on bullies and read alot about being assertive. It will not happen to me again.

I am equipped to take better care of myself. It sure was hell for so many years though. You should heal faster because you are getting help and support. You will feel better someday.

Congratulations on the new job offer. I wish you the best in whatever you choose. Big hugs.