UnKnown-Self
Diamond Member
I am feeling some real confusion right now. I have been reading a lot and diagnosis wise I'm not sure where I belong. Yes, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, more than once. My confusion come in with the admittedly self diagnosed co concious parts.
I have no other way to define what I experience. But does that mean I don't have PTSD but some form of DID? It's very, very confusing.
I don't think I have DID but I do experience interaction with other parts. Some who have names. Since practicing mindfulness, writing things down, using grounding techniques such as telling myself I am an adult now, able to protect myself and self soothing by coloring in the ever popular adult coloring books, Zen Tangles, and so forth the activity of the other parts increased and my validity with therapists and psychiatrists decreased.
I tried DID forums and while they are very nice, it's too nice. There is no freedom in posting because of trigger concerns. The feedback is always sweet and supporting but there is no debate, nothing to make me think. It's kind of like being on a preschool forum for mental disorders. I say that with no mean intent and it is nice to be able to talk about my parts activity without judgment but at the same time I'm too rough around the edges to accept coddling for very long and I can be supportive but iwhen it began to feel like I was walking on egg shells I knew it was time to go.
Do Those with PTSD have co concious parts? Am I in the wrong forum? I really like it here but I need to be able to do the work. There is a diagnos DDNOS Dissociattive Disorder Not Otherwise Specified which sounds like some kind of limbo diagnosis.
My traumas span way beyond my childhood since I took risks that led to rapes in my early teens. I was on my own at 16 and became involved in abusive relationships. I was in a biracial relationship (it was the seventies not like today) had people literally spit on me. Had my oldest son at 18 from that relationship and we broke up when he almost beat me to death. I endeup living with my mother who did everything in her power to turn my son against me so he would only love her. I could only have sex high and I could only let myself go as long as there was no emotional entanglement. I did a rehab stay trying to figure my life outafter being in another abusive relationship and had an abortion. I wasn't prepared for that fallout either. The next relationship was with my other two kids dad for twenty years and while he didn't beat me he was wicked with the emotional abuse. I blamed myself because of my sexual dysfunction and he blamed me too. There was financial abuse in that relationship and I drank and smoked weed to cope. The abuse stopped for the years after I left him and then met who would be my future husband. We Were together 5 years before he did a total 180 and got very depressed. I changed jobs, to a toxic environment hubby died and the shit hit the fan.
It's as if it wasn't enough for life to tell me how undeserving I was, it had to show me how good it could be long enough for me to get used to it and then take it all away so now I knew what I was missing. What the f*ck. Now Ido t know who I am or where I belong, I can't even figure out my level of craziness. I hate me right now. All I do is feel sorry for myself. f*ck you self! Put on your big girl panties, deal with your shit and stop looking for problems that don't exist. Then who just laughed and who sighed so disappointedly inside? Not me, I'm too angry at myself. I don't want this. I really don't.
I have no other way to define what I experience. But does that mean I don't have PTSD but some form of DID? It's very, very confusing.
I don't think I have DID but I do experience interaction with other parts. Some who have names. Since practicing mindfulness, writing things down, using grounding techniques such as telling myself I am an adult now, able to protect myself and self soothing by coloring in the ever popular adult coloring books, Zen Tangles, and so forth the activity of the other parts increased and my validity with therapists and psychiatrists decreased.
I tried DID forums and while they are very nice, it's too nice. There is no freedom in posting because of trigger concerns. The feedback is always sweet and supporting but there is no debate, nothing to make me think. It's kind of like being on a preschool forum for mental disorders. I say that with no mean intent and it is nice to be able to talk about my parts activity without judgment but at the same time I'm too rough around the edges to accept coddling for very long and I can be supportive but iwhen it began to feel like I was walking on egg shells I knew it was time to go.
Do Those with PTSD have co concious parts? Am I in the wrong forum? I really like it here but I need to be able to do the work. There is a diagnos DDNOS Dissociattive Disorder Not Otherwise Specified which sounds like some kind of limbo diagnosis.
My traumas span way beyond my childhood since I took risks that led to rapes in my early teens. I was on my own at 16 and became involved in abusive relationships. I was in a biracial relationship (it was the seventies not like today) had people literally spit on me. Had my oldest son at 18 from that relationship and we broke up when he almost beat me to death. I endeup living with my mother who did everything in her power to turn my son against me so he would only love her. I could only have sex high and I could only let myself go as long as there was no emotional entanglement. I did a rehab stay trying to figure my life outafter being in another abusive relationship and had an abortion. I wasn't prepared for that fallout either. The next relationship was with my other two kids dad for twenty years and while he didn't beat me he was wicked with the emotional abuse. I blamed myself because of my sexual dysfunction and he blamed me too. There was financial abuse in that relationship and I drank and smoked weed to cope. The abuse stopped for the years after I left him and then met who would be my future husband. We Were together 5 years before he did a total 180 and got very depressed. I changed jobs, to a toxic environment hubby died and the shit hit the fan.
It's as if it wasn't enough for life to tell me how undeserving I was, it had to show me how good it could be long enough for me to get used to it and then take it all away so now I knew what I was missing. What the f*ck. Now Ido t know who I am or where I belong, I can't even figure out my level of craziness. I hate me right now. All I do is feel sorry for myself. f*ck you self! Put on your big girl panties, deal with your shit and stop looking for problems that don't exist. Then who just laughed and who sighed so disappointedly inside? Not me, I'm too angry at myself. I don't want this. I really don't.
