Hello everyone! I'm new here, and so glad I found this resource. I'm hoping that everyone on here will have some insight for me. Sorry that this may be a long one!
My husband is a veteran with PTSD. His symptoms relate to something that happened before we met, but he was symptom-free until he was triggered after we got engaged. He was diagnosed by the military with "adjustment disorder" right before our wedding, and upgraded to PTSD a few months later. He sought treatment but got the run-around from military, civilian and VA psych resources.
He definitely feels persecuted. When he initially showed symptoms, his boss got him transferred to a different career field and eventually out of the Air Force.
He is impatient - he starts a job on the house, then gets frustrated and leaves it half finished, with a mess for me to clean up.
A civilian doc was able to get him some meds, which have helped. He works maybe 5-10 hours a week but gets anxious and agitated when he works more than 4-5 hours in a day. He is on unemployment and has applied for disability, but that will take months at least.
He says he is bored, but all he does is sit around the house and read web articles about how the VA is going to screw him over on disability, no one wants to hire vets, etc., which get him even more worked up. He cooks, but I get stuck with the cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc. His short-term memory sucks, so when I ask him to do things he often forgets.
He gets anxious around strangers, which is very isolating. I get out because of school (I'm a med student), but we moved across the country for me to go to school and he has had a hard time trying to make friends.
I find it really hurtful that he complains about being bored and having nothing to do, yet he won't help me with the housework or finish the jobs he starts. I feel like I am working my tail off to keep us afloat and it's really hurtful to hear him complaining about being bored when there is a ton of work to be done - he just doesn't want to do it!
When I try to talk to him about these things, he gets distant and angry. I try to do all the right things: wait until he's calm, approach him gently, tell him that I care about him, but it doesn't seem to help.
When he complains that someone is out to get him I have tried, at different times, reassuring, sympathizing, empathizing, and telling him that he is being unreasonable and to knock it off. Nothing seems to help. Now I just walk away and let him calm himself down, which seems to work a lot better. It just makes me feel like an awful wife because I can't seem to help the situation!
The last time we had a talk about our relationship and the PTSD I broke out in hives from the stress, which has never happened to me before. He is not violent.
I feel like half of the time he is my husband and half of the time he is an angry, petulant child. We do not have kids but we want to, and yet I'm not sure it's a good idea to bring kids into this situation and I don't know when, if ever, this is going to get better.
I love him, and most of the time I believe that he is working to get better, but sometimes I just feel like all I'm doing is treading water. Will he ever start having more good days and fewer bad days? Will I ever feel like it's time to bring kids into the mix? Will kids just freak him out more? He does great with babies and teens, but toddlers frustrate him...
I have a history of similar symptoms (persistent flashbacks, nightmares, etc) following a series of traumas in my own past, but I worked really hard with a counselor to overcome those struggles and get my life back - and I have. I have some idea what it feels like to be in his shoes, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating to watch.
I guess I just need a reality check - is this going to get better? Should I be cutting him more slack or holding him accountable for getting off the couch and getting stuff done?
Thanks in advance for advice and insights!
My husband is a veteran with PTSD. His symptoms relate to something that happened before we met, but he was symptom-free until he was triggered after we got engaged. He was diagnosed by the military with "adjustment disorder" right before our wedding, and upgraded to PTSD a few months later. He sought treatment but got the run-around from military, civilian and VA psych resources.
He definitely feels persecuted. When he initially showed symptoms, his boss got him transferred to a different career field and eventually out of the Air Force.
He is impatient - he starts a job on the house, then gets frustrated and leaves it half finished, with a mess for me to clean up.
A civilian doc was able to get him some meds, which have helped. He works maybe 5-10 hours a week but gets anxious and agitated when he works more than 4-5 hours in a day. He is on unemployment and has applied for disability, but that will take months at least.
He says he is bored, but all he does is sit around the house and read web articles about how the VA is going to screw him over on disability, no one wants to hire vets, etc., which get him even more worked up. He cooks, but I get stuck with the cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc. His short-term memory sucks, so when I ask him to do things he often forgets.
He gets anxious around strangers, which is very isolating. I get out because of school (I'm a med student), but we moved across the country for me to go to school and he has had a hard time trying to make friends.
I find it really hurtful that he complains about being bored and having nothing to do, yet he won't help me with the housework or finish the jobs he starts. I feel like I am working my tail off to keep us afloat and it's really hurtful to hear him complaining about being bored when there is a ton of work to be done - he just doesn't want to do it!
When I try to talk to him about these things, he gets distant and angry. I try to do all the right things: wait until he's calm, approach him gently, tell him that I care about him, but it doesn't seem to help.
When he complains that someone is out to get him I have tried, at different times, reassuring, sympathizing, empathizing, and telling him that he is being unreasonable and to knock it off. Nothing seems to help. Now I just walk away and let him calm himself down, which seems to work a lot better. It just makes me feel like an awful wife because I can't seem to help the situation!
The last time we had a talk about our relationship and the PTSD I broke out in hives from the stress, which has never happened to me before. He is not violent.
I feel like half of the time he is my husband and half of the time he is an angry, petulant child. We do not have kids but we want to, and yet I'm not sure it's a good idea to bring kids into this situation and I don't know when, if ever, this is going to get better.
I love him, and most of the time I believe that he is working to get better, but sometimes I just feel like all I'm doing is treading water. Will he ever start having more good days and fewer bad days? Will I ever feel like it's time to bring kids into the mix? Will kids just freak him out more? He does great with babies and teens, but toddlers frustrate him...
I have a history of similar symptoms (persistent flashbacks, nightmares, etc) following a series of traumas in my own past, but I worked really hard with a counselor to overcome those struggles and get my life back - and I have. I have some idea what it feels like to be in his shoes, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating to watch.
I guess I just need a reality check - is this going to get better? Should I be cutting him more slack or holding him accountable for getting off the couch and getting stuff done?
Thanks in advance for advice and insights!
