Where Do Womens Self Esteem Issues Begin? Childhood!

[midi]

We don't live for ourselves. We don't live for today. We live for men. Yay!

The only thing that kept me going after breaking up with Dr. Ex was believing that someday, maybe we'd get back together - because I was nothing without HIM.

I blame my mother and grandmother and aunts and enemies and friends and MYSELF for being nothing without a man. Excuses? No. The reality is men are raised to live for themselves and they don't have to worry about some silly girl and whether she approves.

We women are definitely part of the problem, but hey, we were property for thousands of years. You can't expect all that servitude and conditioning to just wash away after a couple women's rights movements. It's gonna take centuries before we start respecting ourselves and expecting all men to treat us better.

 

[anthony]

Well said Midi... extremely well said. I do believe though that women have advanced quickly and will continue to do so with this issue. Most of the problem IMO is old thinking from older females, where they where raised to be a wife, homemaker, etc... but the facts are that women are smarter than men... not the first time I have said that here. It is genetically fact. Women apply themselves much more than a male does. Males have certain abilities women will never and vice versa. As more females become more confident in their own abilities, raise their self esteem to the same level of a male, women will be the more prominent in all work roles. It was said here on a current affairs program the other week, how women are now becoming much more dominant in numbers within the workforce compared to males. There are more and more men being pushed towards the house work, looking after the kids, etc, whilst women go to work. Why? Because women are becoming more confident and believing within themselves, which then means that genetically factual smartness is pushing men out whether they like it or not.

Yes, some jobs women will never be dominant within due to physical limitations, though the majority of employment where the brain is required over braun, women are beginning to dominate whether men like it or not. I say good on all women, about bloody time. I am a big believer in pushing women to be more confident within themselves and take more control over their life... stop letting males push you around or influence you so much, make decisions for yourself and stand by them.

The only issue with females in the work force, which does stop some companies tipping the balance, is women are genetically quite catty towards other females. Males majority of the time just get along, are happy with things the way they are. Females are not, will be very bitchy towards other females in order to advance. I believe the more this ceases and women work together as men already do, instead of against each other, then females will be the dominant employee and employer around the globe.

 

[Grama-Herc]

I was always lead to believe we got/get our self esteem and self image at a young age. The source of how we see our self comes from our fathers.

At least that has always been what I thought. In my case, my father called me a quitter and expressed his disappointment in me. I was made to look stupid and dumb in front of other men(his friends).

 

[Auburngirl]

I thought this movie was so-so. So-so at accuracy and so-so at entertainment. Also, you saw men doing some of the same (and some different) illogical things. I think when you're smitten you hope against hope, and it can be hard not to do that.

I was raised by parents who treated me well, in an extended matriarchal family, with a sister and no brothers. I was raised to think I could do anything. I never thought that looks were the be all and end all.

If anything, I've found the "world" a little disillusioning - I'm surprised by the extent to which I'm assessed based on my appearance (which is usually either positive, or people thinking I'm younger than I am - usually in a detracting from credibility sort of way).

I don't think there's nothing true to the film, but I am frustrating by the ongoing "it's all women, and it's all in their heads." We're all (men and women) in this together, and I hate the depiction of women as somewhat desperate and deluded and desperately seeking a man, and needing to be told how to do it right.

 

[Marlene]

We women are definitely part of the problem, but hey, we were property for thousands of years. You can't expect all that servitude and conditioning to just wash away after a couple women's rights movements. It's gonna take centuries before we start respecting ourselves and expecting all men to treat us better. We're not waiting for things to change anymore...we're out there making the changes for outselves.

Think of the women who blazed a trail for us before by not staying in the mold of doing what they were told. Think about us blazing a trail for the women in the next generation by standing up and saying 'No more'. I look at the jobs that women have now that were so out of the picture while I was growing up. Now, the sky really is the limit.

women are genetically quite catty towards other females

Afraid I'm going to have to take exception there, Anthony. Some women who feel threatened can and do act like a total crazed bitch when another women enters the scene. Having been on the receiving end a few times before...I can say it sucks. But generally it falls to the management to set the environment of work and what will and won't be accepted. In a military term...the brass makes the outfit, not the soldiers. I work with a group of largely women now and there's none of this underlying garbage that I've dealt with before. So glad about that! It's just a group of adults doing their jobs. I'm sure there's companies out there that like setting people against each other to watch the sparks fly. Hell, I just got out of one. But saying that men get along so much better than women do when they work together...honey, that's crap. And it just propagates the notion that women are emotional and bitchy and can't work together. And that particular notion is used as a hammer against women and their self-esteem.

Lisa

 

[starshine]

I've not seen the film.

But.

I have low self esteem.

I was never told I looked pretty.
As a teenager I was never allowed to choose my own clothes. It wouldn't have entered my mind to dress attractively for men.
In any case, I went to an all girls school, then teacher training college, then teaching. Total lack of men. Which was cool for me, as men scared me, after my father.
I was never encouraged to have a relationship.
I was kept isolated. 'Protected'.
I'm 39. I've never had a relationship, never had all that entails.
I grieve for this.

 

[anthony]

Starshine, the exact point of this discussion is that you should not have to wait until told you are pretty, it is a matter of whether you believe you are.

I watched something one day, can't remember what it was, but they where talking about female self esteem, female self sexiness, etc... and the conclusion from all participants was that a big fat black African American women has one of the highest self esteem levels of all females. So don't care what anyone else thinks of them, they already think highly of themself.

 

[starshine]

Yep, Anthony.
Point is though, I was told I was ugly - and unlovable, over and over again in both implicit and explicit ways. That rather sinks in very deep. It takes time to change such a belief which has become so strongly internalised. And the thing is, my vulnerability - and the fact that I was born very premature : yes, you can really see it - shows in my face. I look fragile and much younger than my approaching 40 years. This puts people off and is self defeating, along with the PTSD-hostility stuff of 'keep away from me, you're all going to abuse me anyway, so I'll attack first'. Changing this cycle is something I am actively engaged in, albeit slowly.
Uh, I'm not explaining myself very well, sorry.
Any other women here whose traumatisedness seems written in their face and keeps everyone away?

 

[anthony]

I understand what you are saying... but the most positive thing is that you recognise a negative issue with yourself and you stated you are actively engaged upon working towards a healthier self esteem. Well done to you.

 

[Nicolette]

I think re-building self esteem from childhood issues can be as difficult as re-training your brain from PTSD flight and fight responses. If you spend 10 -18 years of your life not having any self esteem or it being continually stripped away that is half your life by the time you are in your 30's. That takes a lot of deprogramming including the strength to do it. Not withstanding any adult experiences which have added fuel to the fire. Then there is also the issue of being able to identify that you actually have a self esteem issue if that has been your way of life.

It's one thing to tell yourself you are good and another believing it if you have only known the degrading and stripping effects of bad programming.

I remember the last words my step father said when I left home...."you will never be anything". Luckily for me I was determined to prove him wrong and slowly built up my self worth.

I have heard people say "you need to work on your self esteem" and I think how in the hell do you do that when all the little voices in your subconscious tell you that you are no good. It is easier said than done and its not only mothers who damage their daughters either.

 

[anthony]

The best way to improve self esteem is by exposure... exposure to things that you would typically think are outside your abilities. The military have the best self esteem training in the world, this is fact by the way. The military boost soldiers self esteem by training them via pushing them beyond any ordinary boundaries they may think they have, thus showing to themselves they can actually achieve much more than they every thought. This is how you boost self esteem.

If you stand back and say, "I can't abseil, its too scary", then right now you should be thinking about finding a abseiling day adventure and taking it, learn how to do it, and do it, all in the one day. Wall climbing, physical activities achieves self esteem the fastest. It doesn't matter if you are overweight, that is an excuse if that is what you tell yourself. Being overweight has no bearing on you finding new limits for yourself, pushing beyond what you have told yourself, ie. holding yourself back due to low self esteem, finding new boundaries and improving your coping skills, self abilities and self awareness.

 

[evergreen]

Last year I hiked the Rocky Mountains for the first time. I was visiting the area I now live in which is at 8500 feet above sea level from living at sea level at the time. It was such an intense hike! I was in need of oxygen as my red blood cells were equipped for the oxygen content at sea level!

Anyway, finishing the hike to a cave..even though it took longer than all the others in the group (even the 5 year old) and watching 250,000 bats exit at sunset into the valley changed my life. It was so hard to push through that hike, but conquering it brought a feeling I had never had before.

I became so aware of my power.