Where Do Womens Self Esteem Issues Begin? Childhood!

[starshine]

Thank you so much Anthony and Nicolette for understanding.

I think re-building self esteem from childhood issues can be as difficult as re-training your brain from PTSD flight and fight responses.

Absolutely. And when, like I'm sure many of us here do, you have both.. It's a real challenge.

Well, on Monday I ran a reading group at a local Homelessness Centre. This was arranged through work, as I work for my local libraries. This is the kind of thing I've not done for some time - not since I got out of re-traumatising environments, and is a real step forward for me. It's improved my confidence levels and shifted things inside for me. Helped me gain more of an internal sense of health authority. So. I'm starting to 'get out there'.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

In my case - my low self esteem is from a combination of factors.

Yes, I will acknowledge that my mother played her part in this. I have to be very self aware of body issues - because she would constantly make comments about her gaining weight, my gaining weight (or not losing it quickly enough after pregnancies) and comments about others weight. She would also make comments about clothing and hair etc. (Regarding the weight - my mom is currently in the process of being evaluated for an eating disorder which has helped me understand her comments throughout my life). Now I have made a conscious effort to not pass that along to my daughter and I can tell the difference - she has a far better body image than any other generation (including me).

However, like I said there were other factors. I strongly believe that childhood sexual abuse effects your self-esteem as well. This could be on a different level though. Your self-worth becomes wrapped up in pleasing others and putting others first (at least in my case).

Lastly, because of these factors - then you may find yourself in relationships as adults where you are not treated well because you are lacking the skills at the time to recognize it. For example - my ex would constantly tell me that noone else would ever want me, that I was worthless etc. Now would I have tolerate this if I had a high self-esteem - no. But the relationship certainly added to the level of how low my self-esteem is.

The important thing (I believe) is to recognize it, find ways to improve it, and definately to do your best to not pass it down.

 

[Shoka]

I'm with Evergreen. There's nothing like a physical challenge to make me feel empowered and feeling pretty good about myself. 6 marathons and one of them a Boston Marathon qualifying time (3:48) helped me learn to break out of the mold of being so concerned about "pretty" and "sexy". Now I enjoy feeling the strength and endurance of who I am physically, emotionally, mentally... In totality.

I also have to disagree with this notion that women are "GENETICALLY" catty. That's BS. I work in an all female environment and the women I work with are none of those things. Sure I've worked in environments where there was cattiness, but it was certainly representational in both genders. Oh well, I'm not one for too many sweeping generalizations when it comes to genders. I like to think of people as interesting individuals.

Also, thanks to whomever posted about women who have led the way over the years. For americans at least there's Susan B Anthony, Abigail Adams, Alice Paul- Just those women who refused to believe that women didn't deserve to vote and stood up and fought tirelessly for a long long time.

 

[sigh]

I think you're wrong, Bec. Maybe with the exception of me. But a lot of these women spoke out to how independent they are and how they do not need men to satisfy various aspects of their self-esteem. I, for one, was talking about a certain culture in a certain city. The men I met could have cared less of I wore a tutu and a down jacket. I have shaved my head for my own reasons, and it's brought me a lot of self-esteem. Most of the "I like it" comments were from women. Women have their own culture amongst themselves. I think this movie trailer is stupid drivel that only continues women's subjugation of themselves to men. But women don't treat other women that well either.
:wall:

 

[Charon]

I think everyone's self esteem issues begin in childhood, men and women.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I really need to take some time out and think about this post. It's older I know, but I really do agree with the title! I can trace many issues I have now with imagine and worth back to moments in my childhood or how I was treated.

Good topic, good thread...just need to think it over.

 

[HëllaBubz]

1. My father picked on my mother's weight and image

2. My mother has no self esteem

3. They picked on me constantly about my weight (I was 5ft 3 and 65kg)

4. The whole family was encouraged to pick on my weight, anywhere, anytime, in front of anyone

5. The same was encouraged about my mother's image.

6. My mother told me repeatedly that I'm just like her, I look like her, I've got the same body and I'm always going to be fat/fight my weight like her.


1. My parents are narcissists

2. Having a self esteem was immediately quashed on either religious (don't be proud) or family based ("you're just like your father, you'll fail year 12 like me, and have a blue collar job at best.")

3. I had aspirations, I wanted to be either a vet or a doctor, their response...."after all we've taught you, you want to go out and poison people." "Doesn't matter, you aren't good enough at math, and can never apply yourself anyway."

4. My father controlled the way I dressed, my taste in clothes, who I spoke to, who were my friends, what I spoke to my friends about, my reading material, our "pretend play" subjects, the way we saw the world.

If we didn't strive for his approval, and be domestic servants in the house or around the farm, we were punished for being "lazy ungrateful children, you don't know how good you've got it.", "you should be grateful you've got such loving parents who do everything for you, if you don't, the Demon of Ungratefulness has possessed this home, and I as the God appointed head of this home have to do something about it."


Bottom line....

You're always something until your family convinces/forces you to be/think otherwise.

 

[Britt.f7]

It may have started when I was little for various reasons, but I am an adult now. I have no one in my life that puts me down. I do that to myself. I could rant on about the past, but we are talking here and now. I have to learn how to have a better self esteem. Now it is no one's fault but my own if I don't have a healthy self esteem. I'm the one standing in the way.

 

[ill]

@Britt.f7, that's the place I'm in now too. Trying to figure out how to unlearn negative self-esteem and learn (for the first time, really) positive self-esteem. If you figure out how to do it, please share!