Where Do You Start? When Talking About Stuff In Therapy?

[Cool Cat]

This is a kinda odd, like ridiculously obvious question.
I am a 19yo girl and I used to be badly bullied in lots of different ways by a group of guys from my district. It wasn't extreme, but I don't feel comfortable going into details right now.
I have wanted to talk about it for ages but don't know how.

I just don't know where to begin.

I don't know...
Where to start?
What to say?
Do I just rhyme off all the stories?
It wasn't just like a one-off event. Like I was bullied by them on lots of different levels for about 4-5 years and (in my opinion) it is behind quite a lot of my problems. I feel like my therapist is walking around the topic at the minute. (maybe because it has an endless amount of events)
Any ideas or experiences very welcome! :)

 

[Lolly]

Personally, I also find it incredibly difficult to talk about the bad things that I've gone through. It made therapy really hard, as you said we were dancing around the elephant in my room.

I started talking about my bad experiences by just telling random stories about nice things that happened around the same time. Over the course of the hour, I had started to touch on the difficult topics. With each session after that it got easier and easier to talk about hard things. Now it is all we talk about!

I hope it goes well for you. Good luck! And don't forget to look after yourself after therapy. It really does take it out of you. I find a marshmallow hot chocolate and an episode of my fav tv show comforts me an awful lot :)

 

[Cool Cat]

dancing around the elephant in my room.

Totally!
My experiences have been hanging over me for so long that I want to get deep into them and rip them apart!
Maybe he doesnt want to go into them yet since it wouldbe too painful? I dunno.
How would you say is the best way to say "uhm, can we talk about the stuff that is really horrible, even though it is horrible and will be painful to discuss...but needs to be talked about"

 

[Lolly]

Hmm... well, I think how I started talking about stuff was by her (care worker) asking me how my week was. I told her I had an argument with my Mum (very serious one) about her being angry that I was abused. So after explaining the argument I started to cry. The conversation then naturally turned to the abuse itself.

So, all I can say is just let it flow naturally. If they ask you how your week was, really tell them how you coped. They will then start to ask questions, and just answer it honestly. You will feel completely emotionally drained afterwards. If you can just take the day to just rest. Have naps if at all possible.

I'm sorry that wasn't really an answer to your question, lol. So, yes. 1. Let it flow naturally. 2. if that doesn't happen, make a statement, ex. "I saw someone who looked like a guy who bullied me today. It really unsettled me." 3. If he asks you how you are, just say "really upset", when he asks why, honestly tell him.

Take care :)

 

[Jane.l]

@Cool Cat what type of therapy are you in? This will make a difference to your T's approach

 

[Cool Cat]

Hi @Jane.l My T is a humanistic integrative one

 

[Jane.l]

I don't know much about this therapy so I am totally guessing - but is this a type of therapy where it has to come from you? Some therapies will only work with what you bring up and won't prompt you with what you should be discussing they wait for you to start talking about - they believe that you will begin the conversation when you are ready. Do you think that's the case ?

 

[Cool Cat]

Thanks for the reply! I think that is the case, which is, eh, i guess hard!
I'll never be 'ready'

 

[Jane.l]

I guess you need to ask yourself questions about what you are going to do about it though - find a different type of therapy? Decide just to go for it ? you said you want to get in there and rip this stuff apart - what's stopping you?

 

[Cool Cat]

That's a good question. I think I am afraid of what will happen if I talk about it. Maybe this is a good place to start? Sometimes I have found in the few sessions I've had, that things you think would be *big* end up being small, and vice versa. I'm afraid the therapist will judge me, which is a misplaced fear.

 

[Jane.l]

Really important to try and keep sight of the fact that your t is there to help you - they have no need or want to judge you - their job is to get you better and they want to do that job but they need to know what's gone wrong to do that.

I think you are right - that's a great place to start - when you start to talk your T will try to help you to keep talking - just find a place to begin .

 

[Cool Cat]

That's true. Maybe I could copy and paste some of what I have here and say it to him? What I find is theres this voice inside me screaming at me not to talk about it. Did anyone else find it hard to talk about what they feel is really bothering them?