Where Does The Sense Of Being Watched Come From?

[Dana1010]

I have a pervasive sense of being watched by someone from my past that contributes greatly to the overall feeling of being unsafe. Do any of you know how to locate it in your body? If anyone has done SE, whatever you learned trying to locate it somatically would be of interest. I can't seem to find it in my body. It seems to hover in the air around me. Aside from locating it in the body, does anyone have any ideas on how to make it stop?

Thanks.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Me ghosting too damn much.

 

[Ronin]

I'd go the 'by whom?' route and roll from there. You can't get what exactly feels wrong in your body about it, I gathered? I'd try to look for why is your body not talking to you about that and who in your life may prompt such reaction(s).

 

[Seasounds]

Thawing out enough of my deep freeze (of flight, fight, or freeze), I eventually felt it through my shoulders, upper back, and neck tightening: subtle, yet significant and related to the memory, and the undoing of it.

 

[Dana1010]

@Saetva, Do you mean the feeling of being watched specifically came out in those body areas? Or do you mean the memories of the person who traumatized you (and you then felt was watching you) came out? I have felt sensations in my shoulders (including violent jerks) but I still am having these memories pretty much all day.

 

[Seasounds]

Both. Gradually the muscles unfroze, and in the process, the muscle sense--memory revealed itself to me, as it released. AND I was literally attacked from behind, routinely. I was fortunate enough to have an older sister who could validate my mother's behaviors.

And, as my whole self was involved in the feeling of being watched, a lot of the feelings were in my shoulders.

One of my first shoulder awarenesses: I went to take a belly dancing class and I had no ability to even 'will' my shoulder muscles to move, alternating, forward and backward.

At another time, I realized I was tightening my shoulders-literately pulled up, when alone-even more bizarre-a sign.

Then I 'held an open-ended, gentle question', of "who am I afraid will attack me?" Eventually, the memory became clear.

 

[Whirlwind]

Maybe my "thing" will resonate with you....I have big chunks of missing memory from childhood but I believe I get the gist of what happened to me.

Its odd but this is embarrassing to me for some reason. Ok, here goes I have this weird feeling at times...like being watched and/or hearing a fluttering? of sorts. Its like I slowly become aware of the noise and then I realize I feel "watched". I don't think anyone is really there or watching me but thats the feeling.

It usually happens when I am preoccupied by something else and I'm usually relaxed too oddly enough. So when I get this feeling I realize now my dreams are usually ramping up and this feeling starts coming in spurts. Sometimes I'll start finding myself preoccupied with a random seemingly meaningless memory/picture in my head. This all seems to correlate with a flashback or some realization coming through.

To date I don't know how to make it stop. It seems stressors in my life may be a factor in making all of this worse. Hard to say, its kind of a chicken or egg situation which is really kick starting which. I suppose I handle it better now, self soothing stuff but that's all I think I've gained on this.

Sorry I can't be of more help, Whirlwind

 

[Biz]

Dana,

Locating where this feeling is around you is something too. Does it seem to press at any particular angle? When it's around you is it like smoke or wind or mist? Does it have a shape to it? These are all questions that can slow the scared feeling and bring some mindfulness so you can be with the feeling more and know it better.

Having a feeling or something outside you is something I've discussed w my body worker. She experienced trauma and has so much calm now and she said when she used to dissociate more and sometimes now she goes out and seems to hang to the back right of her head; I go out somewhere behind my lower r shoulder.

It could also be that your body doesn't want that feeling inside or is not ready to have that feeling inside yet. Maybe there areas of tension or some other feeling where you're keeping it from getting inside and you could feel and explore your body's choice to guard.

Good luck. Please let us know what comes from all this.

 

[Born to Run]

I do SE too and have spent three sessions or so to get rid of the staring evil killing eyes of my mother. I agree with you, it was mainly in the air hovering around me. I went into feeling the eyes on me during therapy and looking for emotions or images or whatever what would come up. It was the point to go into contact with the eyes that were always watching me. I never had a particular bodily sensation going along with it. What finally made them go away was feeling the terror, the awfulness of my mother, the rejection, and I felt I would almost go insane from these eyes. My head almost burst. The latter is how I must have felt it as a child.
Apart from that we talked a lot about the eyes, how glad I am I don't have her eyes, many aspects.
If you do not see eyes in particular, you could still try and to feel into this watching entity. To let it go away you almost literally have to stare it down.

 

[Dana1010]

@Born to Run, If it took you only three sessions to clear it, I think that's great. You must have a very good therapist. I've been dealing with this for at least a year. I don't have an SE therapist anymore, so I just try to practice on my own when I meditate. My SE therapist was lousy--I don't think we were really doing SE at all actually. She must have taken the course years ago and forgot most of the material. I'm looking for a regular therapist now who will at least let me talk about this person I sense watching me, which my former therapist was bizarrely reluctant to do.

 

[Born to Run]

Yes, I know the feeling is so haunting. I do have a real good therapist, he trained with Peter Levine and later assisted him during trainings. The concepts seem quite easy to learn, but to actually apply them you do need a broader context. There are these youtube videos with people showing SE, and I feel so bad watching them, as they rigidly apply the techniques almost like a physiotherapist. I am very sorry you had a lousy therapist, I mean if you could not even talk about the problem what was the point of the therapy?! I hope you find a good trauma therapist now; if I were you I would still look for a trauma specialist and not any psychologist. Good Luck :tup: