Where Does Your Pain Go When You Let It Go?

[Tinyflame]

Haha, is THAT why they're staring at me then.. :sneaky::O_o::p Well that explains it. :laugh:

That sounds like a good idea, re: monkey thoughts. I never cared so much for monkeys, too loud even then, .. and really really hairy arms, lol :eek: I went to the polar bears. :)

In all seriousness though, I'm familiar with trauma-reflected thinking & living, you (I) can't expect to find anything different if I never risk it. Or if I don't, well, that's that. It's painful (but progressive) to try.

You are living proof it's possible. :) :notworthy: :hug:

I hope whatever, for me, I don't become super angry/ bitchy, before I die. :(

 

[ladee]

You won't @Junebug,, because you , like me, care how we affect people. I am 'bitchy' by nature because of constant anxiety. So really have to put on the :) when in public or at work.... it's exhausting, but less exhausting than trying to explain to people why that noise of the water dripping in the office bathroom, 45 ft. from you is driving you INSANE !!!! I don't know...since I'm old as dirt anyway, there is some mean little thrill I get out of saying something sometimes, just to watch people blink their eyes really fast !! Not something about them, but just a comment they would never say out loud ...:playful:. So I can let go of it in tiny little bits by simply shocking unconscious people into the here and now, where I have to live, damn it , so, so do they..:happy:

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Some of my pain has been released on to paper, through drawings and words (which I have not kept). I think I have an alter who is holding some of my pain too, I hope it can all be released, and just vanish into thin air.

 

[shimmerz]

I used to curl up in a ball and shake and shudder, shiver and call out. It was horrifying.

My shaman used to literally pull my legs out from my abdomen and demand (she was quite demanding :-) ) that I visualize the pain moving out my feet and head. She said that while I was curled up the pain energy was not only coursing through me, but intensifying as I was reliving the original trauma, adding a layer so to speak.

Not sure if this is helpful to you or not.

 

[Chava]

Good question. I don't really know because I don't really feel safe letting go of my pain, to be honest. But sometimes I can use music or sounds to contain it and help myself relax. In the few times I have let go of physical pain all at once (like a massage getting out my knots) I have ended up in near suicidal panic. I get flooded. For me the pain itself is a container. But I have to feel supported in containing it before I can let any of it go...if that makes sense. Basically, I have to be otherwise contained, and that's hard, but sort of what I'm working on. Then I suppose it dissipates somewhat back into the whole of me, or I breathe bits of it out.

 

[ladee]

I have let go of a lot of pain. Different ways, depending on where I was, in therapy, at home by myself. But I never wondered where it went, until the other night.. These forums make me reflect the craziest things.... But the replies have been so forthcoming and I appreciate it... Not to say I don't have some things still to let go of, and to feel all what ever it takes... but the pain doesn't scare me anymore. I don't fight it. I fight the symptoms of PTSD. Some days I can just let the monkey voices chatter... other days I get weary of all of it. That's when I really isolate.... just be nuts if ya have to Ladee, no one is watching.
My next big letting go is going to be about my son. Not letting go of him. Letting go of what is still standing in my way, and I'm sure what all that is yet....my expectations of him , myself, just don't know yet... Not looking forward to the pain, but like I said, it doesn't scare me anymore....
I appreciate all who have posted here.. Much to reflect on.... Thank you all.

And @Chava, I totally relate to needing it to be 'contained'.... because rage was such an issue for me, I was scared what I would do to someone else, no words, just physically. It took a long long time for the rage to become healthy anger.So I understand how you feel. Thanks for sharing !!!

 

[Heather]

I think pain drains energy.

I couldn't agree with you more. It is so exhausting to be this angry and upset.

 

[Heather]

I don't have an answer to where it goes but the pain came out in buckets today. At the end there was some feeling of release and a bit of relief, (just a bit).

 

[ladee]

Oh @Heather ! I hate you had to go thru this, but am so happy to hear there was a little relief at the end of it all... and for right now, we won't care where it went, we'll just celebrate that some of it gone.... gentle:hug:'s if you accept and sending you energy. That was hard to to.... thank you for sharing !!

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes Ladee. I suppose I contain it too. (Or try to.) Grew up where there was no room for more worry, fear the fall-out, fear not managing it.

Yes, the dripping tap!! :rolleyes: ((((((((( @ladee )))))))))).

 

[ladee]

Can't do the drip drip drip drip....... without warning people of a meltdown !!! I will not hear another thing going on around me, just drip drip drip.....and @Junebug, ever noticed how it starts to sound like it is hitting something metal....

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG , exactly. :roflmao: With an amplifier.

The other day, I'm not kidding you, I thought, "What's THAT.." :cautious: And it was my heart. And also my watch. Funny thing is, I like to hear other's heartbeats, I find it comforting (like a puppy does. :p) Not my own though.

I think what really gets me is loud chewing. Loud chewing beside a dripping tap.. :eek: ;)