Where It Begins

[kimba]

I have PTSD which was started when I was around six. I was part of a violent alcoholic home and at the same time my "babysitting" neighbors son who was 12 started abusing me. I trusted that there was a baby bunny in the walk-in hall closet who liked being in the dark. That is how it started. I soon knew what a BJ was but not what it was called. I can remember what I was forced to do but not what was done to me. I believe I wasn't there mentally and probably don't want to remember for a reason. Anyway, enough for now. Thanks.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi, and welcome Kimba.:)
The first post is always the hardest so well done for sharing that.
Take your time, read whatever you feel you are able and post as and when you are strong enough.
Take Care
Lucy x

 

[Muzikluvr]

Welcome Kimba, :wave:

Glad you found the forum. Congratulations on posting to the Out Your Abuser! :applause: It's a brave thing... I can't even put the first name down of the kid who tortured me. Maybe some day.:(

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello Kimba :wave:

Welcome to the forum:peekaboo:

As others have said, well done for writing your first post including some of the abuse you have endured. You have strength to post that.

Take your time, have a read around the forums :reading:, and post more when you are ready

Regards
CB

 

[Nyx]

Welcome :wave:

 

[Hlost]

Welcome to the site :)

That's a lot to start with and not ever easy to do. I'm sorry this was done to you, it's a crime for a reason.
Take your time, we are here for you.

HLost

 

[Lionheart]

Hi Kimba, Welcome to the forum!!!

I feel really sad that you were abused :(, but I am happy that you found the forum and the strength to post about your experience, :D that takes a lot of courage to do!

 

[kimba]

Thanks to everyone who said hello. I think I did a little too much a little too fast and had a rough few days. A therapy session brought up a memory of my alcoholic dad hitting me for getting too mouthy, nearly breaking my jaw. I hadn't planned on dealing with that just yet and that hasn't helped. That's part of the problem, sometimes things we aren't ready for come at us anyway...

 

[cherryblossom]

I think I did a little too much a little too fast and had a rough few days.

Dealing with all these issues is never easy, whether you are talking about it here, or in therapy. And you can certainly take control of the speed with which you deal with things. But - there will always be what I call 'fallout'. That being having a rough few days after discussing things here or in therapy is completely normal, and part of the process. Learning to accept that it's part of the process, is one of the hardest things for survivors to get their head around. I know it was for me. As soon as things got rough (i.e. I experienced fall out after therapy), I ran away from it. I thought that therapy wasn't helping and in fact making things worse. I tried to stuff it all away again, at the back of my mind, but it always came back to bite me.

So yes, you may have taken things too quick, or you may just be suffering from 'normal' fall out. It will take a bit of practice to work out the right pace for you. You have to push yourself, but not so far that you re-traumatise yourself.

The other thing to remember is that this 'fall out', I talk about is temporary. The key is not to over-react to it, and not do anything silly, during that fall out. Accept it as part of the process, and know that it will pass, and that any hardships now will be seriously worth it in the end.

I may not be telling you anything you don't already know, but it has taken me years and years, lots of heartache, responding to fallout by O/Ding etc. and lots of advice (from Anthony - Shhh, don't tell him, he'll get big headed!), to finally accept all of the above. I still have issues, and I'm still in therapy, but over the last 6 months, it's the first time in years, that I've actually made any progress - simply my accepting the 'fall out', and not running from therapy.

 

[kimba]

Hi cherryblossom,
I appreciate the advice. I keep thinking I have control over what is going on in my head and forget I really don't. I wish I could deal with one memory at a time and process it completely before something else comes along and that's the part I'm having trouble with. I do know that therapy seems to make things worse but it is part of the "process". Just want to lay low and I am glad you are making progress! Thanks.