Where To Go ....

[BrazenBull]

I have been trying to make things better but the more I tried the worse things got. I’m just not sure where to go from here. Anyone in the same situation?

Lately I’ve just been … never sober and I’ve just felt so insecure and unsafe for no reason, even in my own house. I’ve been trying to bond with my family, but they just make me feel worthless (as usual) but this time it just hurts so much more because I’m actually trying. Makes me think about why I want to have a normal social life in the first place, doesn’t seem so great from this angle. Maybe I am just better off alone IDK.

I guess I’m just starting to not see the point of anything anymore. I don’t mind feeling unsafe and untrusting around other people, but trying to learn to trust people has just been way too complicated and has been making me feel even more stressed out.

As for the holidays and my birthday (Dec 26) I’m going to treat myself to 2-3 bottles of DXM and a few grams of weed. Happy Holidays.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

BrazenBull- Are you in therapy?

 

[The Albatross]

BrazenBull, trying to learn about safe people, trust and boundaries, is a course of study for me (the only way I'm gonna be able to do it is to study it and use my rational mind). If I think about it that way, it helps me to not get discouraged. The DXM and weed have alarm bells going off in my head... it's a maladaptive coping strategy that can really bite you hard being a nursing student.

Perhaps this is the time to look for other coping strageties, ones that will serve you better and not drive the depression (booze is of course a depressant)?

I hope you can turn this around and that you feel better soon.

 

[mamachick]

BB, I agree with Albatross about the maladaptive coping, alcohol being a depressant, and the need to turn this around. Pain can provide incentive for change. I have felt the discouragement that you are describing and ask myself:
What do you want to see change? What things have you tried so far ? What steps/stratagies are you using?How long have you been working on these changes?

You are trying to bond with family but you cannot change others and can only control yourself. If there is not a bond with people that you live with, it is likely that it will not change quickly. I may be wrong, but I am hearing you say you dont mind not trusting and you want to have that trust too.
If you are not in therapy, it sounds like a really good idea as it has helped me stay on the path with reasonable expectations. I know I cant go it alone.

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time and hope you feel better soon too

 

[Jezzryn]

I feel concerned about the gifts you plan on making yourself. As I never used drugs or alcohol (my 'poisons' are different) but I don't think they'll help and the quantity... sounds dangerous. It sucks when you try and no-one recognizes it. But brazenbull, don't do it for them, do it for yourself.

If they have always made you feel bad, and if they didn't see, that their behavior is hurtful and not helping, you might want to limit or cut your ties with them. I know family is supposed to love you and be there for you, but... it's not always so. If that's so in your case you can not learn trust with them.

I have a pretty bad opinion on people myself, but there are those (though they seem to be hard to find) who are... trustworthy. Good friends, who'll stick with you and who'll tell you things you don't want to hear, yes, but they'll tell you them, because they really care.

I have a great deal of social phobia, but I have a few friends. Not many, but they are the kind who stay up with me on the phone all night because I have an anxiety attack and most of them I met online. Normal is what works for you. And look: people here respond to your pain. Maybe try social interaction with them. PM someone instead of downing a bottle or smoking weed. I am not really good with others but I think the cliche holds: if one approach doesn't work, try something else.

 

[Grace Hope]

As for the holidays and my birthday (Dec 26) I’m going to treat myself to 2-3 bottles of DXM and a few grams of weed. Happy Holidays.[/quote]

A bit of the direct approach is needed here.

Your symptoms look like a drink and drug reaction. When taken together it can worsen the effects of both things and can cause, PANIC ATTACKS, VOMITING, CO-ORDINATION CHANGES, HALLUSINATIONS, MOOD SWINGS, ANXIETY, SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS, and all these can be extreme whether you mix alcohol with your weed or not.

If you don`t like the effects of these things, GUESS WHAT, don`t take them.

If you have PTSD there are places to get free advice from. Use help lines for support. The internet. A good medical practitioner.

Stop using street drugs. Moderate your alcohol levels. Stop doing this hardnut stuff ( I can do all this and it won`t affect me ). Go out for a walk in the fresh air. Take up a new interest. What do you expect life to be like ? You drink way too much, you use street drugs, in turn you pay physically and psychologically. Start doing something positive like making a list of things that will help you.

You can achieve so much by taking small steps, one at a time. Fight it, do it for your self.


Good luck. Let us know how you get on. I wish you a very merry drug and alcohol free holiday.

God bless
Clan Destany.