Sufferer Who Am I To Suffer From Ptsd.

[Gabe B.]

42 years old, been in and out of counseling psychiatrist psychologists, meds, etc etc. My ptsd came from childhood abuse/neglect as well as a very unstable childhood. i am plagued with guilt for being damaged when so many others gained it from death destruction and the like. im now a father and im on a quest not to let my future child see the fear and mistrust i have. i want them to have a dad whos emotions are more controlled. seeing my mother have ultra dramatic break downs as a small child (hidng in closets with a knife when the doorbell rings was a a high-point) really messed with my mind. was it genetic? was it learned? who knows really. i do know flipping out and having a 4 hrs freak out everytime i feel confronted with my fear isnt tolerable. anyway im gonna keep this short, im hoping i will have the resolve to seek peer based help on the long term.

 

[Stickler]

Neglect is very traumatizing too.
It leads to the conclusion that the world is not safe.

As your attorney- er...your fellow sufferer on the Internet...I advise you to take DBT classes. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy training, if you can get it, is good stuff.

Write about your trauma, analyze it. Triggered reactions are miserable but they show you what you need to work on.

Support groups are really good things.

 

[sun seeker]

I advise you to take DBT classes. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy training, if you can get it, is good stuff.

Hey, I was going to say the same thing! I haven't looked at it much, but it sounds like what you are talking about is working on emotional regulation so you can help your child feel safe and learn to self regulate as well. DBT is the place to learn those skills. I think it's great that you are thinking about this now.

 

[ghotiff]

Welcome :)

My 2cents......
Self care, self soothing and recognizing my stress levels rising before they get too high (and doing self care) has made a dramatic difference for me. I also had to learn to get past the guilt for "wasting time" which was how I viewed my self soothing activities.

Good luck.

 

[sun seeker]

I also had to learn to get past the guilt for "wasting time" which was how I viewed my self soothing activities.

When I was having trouble with this, I learned instead of "relaxing" (which made me more tense as I felt I should be doing something) to speak of it as "replenishing my energy." I might be doing exactly the same thing, but one felt (gasp! horrors!) lazy while the other felt like I was doing something productive.

 

[Queen Boudica]

There is nothing to feel guilty about getting childhood trauma from PTSD and comparing it against others. In early childhood you are so vulnerable to the consequences of abuse. Your brain is growing at it's most rapid rate, the foundation for everything is being laid down. Research has shown that abuse in childhood, causes your flight or fight mechanism to get stuck in constant alert state. And also, neglect is just as toxic and damaging as any physical abuse. Your brain is forming, it needs, attachment to safe adult and for that adult to respond to you when you need it, and the interactions between you and your carer, actually form the neural connections in the brain. If you are neglected, you don't get that stimulation, your brain cannot develop healthily. You also don't have a safe person, who you can go to in times of stress, so there is no-one to help you to bring your stress levels down. Again, another reason why the fight or flight system gets stuck.

There are many of us here with childhood trauma. My psychologist compares it to being on a battlefield. You are a child, vulnerable, your brain and hormonal systems are developing. It is crucial to have a safe and loving environment.

I'm linking some videos on toxic stress in childhood and serve and return interchanges, how important they are and I hope that helps with your guilt.

 

[intothelight]

@Gabe B. Welcome!

There is no reason to feel guilty as different types of trauma and even a similar trauma(s) can have different effects on people. We are all individuals and have no choice in who we were born to nor how our own bodies are wired. What brings us all here is PTSD and that is the focus.

You've received some really good suggestions from other members. Take the time to read and then try different things, for just as the effects of trauma vary, the effectiveness of various tools and treatment options vary from individual to individual.

 

[Stickler]

...it's not like you want to have PTSD.

(Crippling anxiety disorders...festive!:facepalm:)