First, congratulations on your graduation! You worked hard for that and its a big accomplishment.
Thanks it is huge for me. Even going to the graduation ceremony was huge for me. It was such a big deal to invite people and turn up. I am exhausted.
I guess I used radical acceptance when it came to the results, because you can't control the results. You CAN be clear about how you want to be treated and you can select many the people in your life based on how they treat you.
Oh that person is definitely on his way out. I am not going to cut him abruptly or anything, but I won't be making any thing but the required social gestures to maintain the social glue in this social network. He will be phased out. I just gave him a year and a half support after he attempted suicide, but he is stable now - and if issues arise he will need to get professional health. I have done my dash, and that is that. I thought another person was copping out when he said that to me, but it is reality. So really it simplifies things for me quite a bit, so that clears all that up.
As for my family it turns out 1000 kilometres is really not enough. But that is okay. I made it clear anything my Mother tries to send me is to be checked for money, for my sister to keep it or the iTunes card today - my sister is to keep it - and for card/etc to be binned. She was okay with that. Her behaviours are very challenging at times, and I don't think she is aware enough of her behaviours to challenge it or discuss it. So who the f*ck knows how I will manage that - very few sporadic visits with lots of cards and presents in the mail - and texts and not phone conversations. I get so destabilised and triggered after speaking to her on the phone.
For my partner I am having a range of feelings and at some point we need to have a talk, but I am in no fit space to do that at this time.
The one good thing about all this is I didn't become highly reactive, I didn't act out, I didn't lash out, I didn't even really binge eat or comfort eat - well lunch was a bit too much - but still an overall improvement in all the categories that I have been aiming for improvement in. I even doubted my self less. I wasn't mostly dissociated, depersonalised, or derealised. I was mostly there. I wasn't happy, but I was there in my mostly not happy state, and for a bit I came out of it. So that is progress.
You deserve to be treated well! I'm sorry that day wasn't one of uncomplicated joy! But I admire your determination and how you keep learning and growing.
Thanks that feels embarrassing - but it is true I am a hard worker. It was a bit of a shitty low level type of day. But it was okay as well. There were some good moments. Papa Bear really appreciated the ceremony and he was so proud of me.
B made effort to be supportive, proud and admiring of me.
