So I gave up lying and that meant cutting my mum totally out and keeping my dad at some serious arm's length. It meant totally cutting my ex out.
It meant not being "nice" to my abusive narcissistic neighbor today, it meant walking out on a policeman today saying "well I can tell you aren't concerned" and not saying "thank you" coz he was being an arse (IMO) and I wasn't feeling grateful.
Not being too "nice" and arse licky.
I'm.usually very "nice" or avoidy. Sometimes I'm fearless and very much myself. Lots of the time I just want to hide. My guy gets extreme honesty from me and loves me for it, as I love him for the same.
I do "pick my battles" though. I don't like being unkind, ever, even when I'm really mad. But somtimes it's too hard not to show how pissed I am being lied to.
I got really mad today and I was still honest and not abusive (except when I referred to her as a lying c*ntface, not to her face, but she might have overheard it). I was authentic about having this ptsd thing though and I'm confused maybe that was the wrong thing to do? I'm really not well at the.moment and this person is exacerbating this condition in a big way. But to be honest? It's being really hard to keep it together in the face of this person's ongoing lack of integrity and honesty and accountability. A real trigger for me. I was honest and got very indignant and not calm when they came into my space today.
Actually told them to "get out of my face if you are not willing to be honest and accountable". They weren't, aren't, have obviously never tried because they told bareface lies instead, even to a policeman who didn't even care. Bad hurtful lies. That's when I was and am upset about and I didn't hide it today.
There have been deaths that this person is responsible for and she doesn't care at all. Furry four legged family member deaths and we are all hurting (my family and other side neighbors). Do I have to hide how much that hurts and their disregard makes me mad and that I want them permanently out of my face unless they stop the lying?
Usually I do hide, now I feel shame because I didn't today, but only because she came into my space with her callous go and bareface lies and lack.of accountability and I couldn't take it calmly after two pet deaths this week end, baby rape stuff coming up (me as a baby ,and my guy is away). I can't be superhumanly controlled all the time and I'm pretty good at major endurance of people's crap but I don't went to anymore!
I want to learn better being super-assertive calmness when I'm dealing with major lying assholes and not show how much they rattle me though. I still want that lie because apparently, according to the copper, I'm the dick today, because I don't want this liar and covert pet killer and neighborhood bully to come to my door for any reason at all and lie to me after all that she done that's been.very damaging to lots of us neighbors. I wasn't calm about that. That's how the copper made me feel, anyway, he didn't care as long as it wasn't humans getting killed and lies aren't crimes, apparently. I didn't like him and I'm not going to lie about that.
