Why Are Intimate Relationships So Scary To Ptsd Sufferers

[The Albatross]

Good post Spero3. I think that's why I stay where I'm at. It is difficult, but sometimes he leads, sometimes he falls back and I lead. I advance with him in my life, where I didn't in others where I was either the caretaker or the one who needed taking care of. No parTAY, but we both grow this way.

 

[charliehotelwhiskey]

1) For me is to feel safe enough to allow someone to see the real me. The me that has been damaged and scarred. The me who, on some nights, fight the demons of hades in my dreams. The me on some nights is a scared little boy afraid of the dark. The me that is trapped like a wounded animal. The me that freezes up when a car backfires, or fireworks explode, or when there is a thunderstorm.

The me that is scared of rejection.

The me that takes very little risks.

So with all of this going on in my head, its no wonder I am scared of getting involve in a caring relationship. The relationships are ended even way before they really took root. Its self-sabotage.

2) I never had a caring relationship with anyone, so no real a-has for me in that regards. But, I kind of get it what is going through my mind. I still have to work this out. I need to develop a caring relationship with myself first. To be kind to myself first. Someday I would feel safe enough to let someone in.

CHW

 

[mamachick]

You are both ahead of me and I am glad for you-hope to be there someday

 

[caliaviator]

Well, the reason that it's hard to get into a relationship for me is because I'm not emotionally independent yet. I need to work on that before I go into a relationship because if I do get hurt or something does fall apart I don't want to revert back to being a wreck again. Before I'd be in a relationship because of my fear of loneliness, but if I go into a relationship with that attitude I'll just hurt myself and the one I'm with. Once I regain my sense of who I am, what I have to offer, and see a relationship as something that is an extension of who I am I'll be good to go in finding another relationship.

I just need to heal, get this dirty laundry out, and get to the point to where when my traumatic memories reoccur I'll be able to react in such a way to where it will be constructive and not devastate everyone around me.

 

[Innordinate]

You need trust to love.
Love is letting someone have enough power to hurt you.
Hard to trust people who can hurt you.

Vicious little circle.

There are many ta-da moments where you go "Why do i do this/ Why did I do that"
For me a lot of times it's about 5 minutes after I say or do something mean and then the guilt is enough to make it about a billion times worse.

Biggest thing I think for anyone in a relationship with 'sufferers' is self-confidence.
Obviously not everyone is going to be 100% confident 100% of the time but if you have too many insecurities then it's not going to work no matter what.
For me, i'm insecure enough about everything. My wife has to be the one who isn't. She has to have enough trust for both of us.

Sorry if that doesn't help you at all.

 

[Spero3]

That is how I feel, Albatross. I feel safe enough with my partner to go forward with her. A great way to look at it.