Why Be Married? What's The Point?

[Krashad]

I am tired of the drama in this relationship that I am in. I feel like I have a lot on my plate, and my wife doesn't want to support me. Every year, around the holidays, I deal with the death of someone that was a father figure to me when I was deployed. This year, I have that, and I have been working my behind off in Finals for school (and it isn't easy) with forgetfulness, and crazy thoughts. She left a couple of weeks ago, and took the kids. I asked her if the relationship was over. She said no. She came back. And now, she took the kids, and said that she needs space for 2 weeks. It's more of a problem for me because I already lost access to my other 2 children through a divorce. And now, it's like she is doing the same thing. But I know she is not my ex. But at the same time, it makes me not trust this relationship. We been together 4 years, but I keep thinking "I can do bad all by myself". I keep asking--- why be married? What is the point? I don't like the fighting. I don't like her making me feel like I am not a man or man enough for her. But we have kids, and I keep thinking, sometimes, isn't it the fact that children are involved that help you weather the storm? I spoke with my dad, and he said, he stayed so that each of his kids would be better off, and he did stay. My mom ended up leaving him eventually which tore him up. What makes me really want to be done is that I have a dream that I am finally going after, and it's like she isn't being a helpmate, but is instead being a hinderance. She even said that I need to be a leader, and I told her well, in order to be a leader, someone has to follow. I am going after my dream, and I do love her---- I love her a whole lot, but part of me is like I don't need this, like if you aren't with me, then let's just be done. And the biggest things is that she says she doesn't feel loved. I get it kinda, but aren't there times in a relationship where you don't feel loved, but you know that you are? It's not the feelings, but the knowing to me, and being confident in that because if I focused on the times I didn't feel loved, well, real talk, that would be both pregnancies and even before that when it was her time of the month. So, what am I missing about this feeling loved stuff? I don't feel loved the majority of the time. I want to tell her, jump on board, and ride with me, or just get off. She wants two weeks to figure things out. Jesus rose from the grave in 3 days. In less than 3 days, I was in Iraq, and shortly after that, Baghdad was captured. In 72 hours, we did search and seizures in a city, and in three days, I lost battle buddies from IED explosions, but I was spared. So she wants 2 weeks. Well, 2 weeks for me is like a lifetime, and when I feel like I am alone, by the end of three days, I decide that it's me that has to figure this out himself, and take care of himself; she can't do it, so what do I need her for? Why is she here? Why should we be married? By 2 weeks of taking care of myself, I will accept that I can do it all on my own. So what do I do? I don't want my marriage to end, but I can't play chase either. What is the point of even being married? What is the purpose?

 

[combatgoldfish]

Take all this and communicate with her if you haven't already. (I'm assuming you haven't.) Be it face to face, written, text, phone whatever is a comfortable outlet.

Hardest part of a relationship is communication. Even harder for vets.

 

[Krashad]

Take all this and communicate with her if you haven't already. (I'm assuming you haven't.) Be it face to face, written, text, phone whatever is a comfortable outlet.

Hardest part of a relationship is communication. Even harder for vets.

Yes. Communication is the hardest. I communicated this and much more, all my demons, and the faces of the destruction I caused, and it was like her heart was just cold.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Keep going with your dream bro.
To me marriage is just a way to get the state involved in your personal matters.
And for the spouse to potentially take you for everything you own.
Perpetuated by TV jewelry commercials for advertised blood diamonds.

 

[vikingr24]

What family does not have its ups and downs? -- Said by Katherine Hepburn, as Elizabeth of Aquitaine in Henry II

It's cheaper to keeper. I went after my dreams too and damn near killed myself at it. She finally gave up one me based on the assumption that an equal relationship means the man earns the living for the family and the wife keeps her salary. What mine is yours and what yours is yours.

The world ain't perfect or fair. I say give her the time. But always be there if she needs you. She is trying to decide if she does. Know the difference between, I need because I love you, and I love you because I need you.

.02

 

[BaMuoiBa]

The world ain't perfect or fair. I say give her the time. But always be there if she needs you. She is trying to decide if she does. Know the difference between, I need because I love you, and I love you because I need you.

Very wise suggestion indeed.

Ba

 

[Raven]

She needs space. Allow her that much.

Then, figure out how you can make her feel loved. You do love her, don't you? Talk to her when she's ready for that. Demanding answers too soon will just piss her off more.