Why Did I Say That...

[Disquieted]

my mind is slowed down yet thoughts seem to be running at hyper speed
i'm thinking omg, omg, omg
why the h*** did i share what i shared last week in session
i can't breathe now
i can't concentrate
i want to fade away
i want to hide
but i want to get better
i want to be me and have my life back
i can't look anyone in the face that knows...
knows what i am feeling
what happened
that i am more messed up than anyone knows
now someone knows
why did i do that
i am so scared
so embarrassed
so ashamed
bad stuff stinks
recreating the bad stuff is messed up
it complicates the childhood stuff
i am at fault as an adult
for my idiotic decisions
my heart is racing
i can't swallow
i am so confused
i have another session tomorrow
omg, omg, omg

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hey BeMindful.

Most of the time, when you feel like this, other people will think it's not that bad.
I have borderline and believe me I have said a ton of things and done a ton of stuff that I felt incredibly ashamed of shortly afterwards. Sinking through the floor kind of ashamed. Never wanting to return kind of ashamed.

Sometimes I actually did not return, out of fear.
But all of the time, the other people thought it wasn't that bad.

Remember it! Wishing you luck.

 

[Disquieted]

Sinking through the floor kind of ashamed. Never wanting to return kind of ashamed.

Yes, that's how I feel. And I don't know LoL it was stuff "normal" people don't share. Oh yeah, I'm not normal ;) I'll survive and pretend I never said anything!!!
Thx

 

[mrsps]

*breath* Whatever you told them (I am assuming you mean your therapist?) it is ok! They are trained to deal with all the horrible and weird stuff we tell them. They have heard it all before and they do not judge! It is ok to tell them anything you need to tell them. Don't feel you have to hold back :)
Best of luck with your next session
P.S but I totally understand how you are feeling have been there myself and have been so embarrassed!!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Well, it says something about you. It's pretty courageous to say certain things, even if in retrospect you really think "oh why". ;)