Why Do Horrible Things Happen ?

[Sammyiam]

Why do horrible things happen, who gets to choose? It's like a dice with numbers on it and someone throws it and bad stuff happens ? I live in fear, I live waiting, I live for it to be my number, I am not even living anymore as I'm so busy worrying, waiting! Thinking my number should have been, it's just hours, days waiting for my number. I'm bad so it's going to be my number next, I am not living, so scared just so scared.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

What may be terrible for someone, may not seem so bad in the eyes of another person. It depends on each individual's personal view of the world. As a person who can isolate and be misanthropic, I personally find that avoiding other humans as much as possible keeps the "bad" events in my life to a minimum, as almost every terrible event in my life was caused by the dark side of humanity.

 

[digger]

I don't know why horrible things happen, that's a pretty broad question and 'horrible things' covers a lot of different scenarios - even if you just use this site to look at the different types of trauma that can happen to people, you've got everything from natural disasters to torture. The impact might be similar for different people, but the cause isn't. Then 'horrible things' could also cover illness, bereavement, relationship breakdowns, losing pets....all horrible, all part and parcel of life to some degree. I think we tend to focus on the negatives though, that they linger with us more, often at the cost of either not seeing or forgetting all the little good bits that happen along the way too. Why do good things happen?

What I do think is that your logic is flawed and it might be helpful to you to spend some time examining it. (Ignoring for a second that you are not a bad person anyway - you're not) if we work with your premise that you are bad and that that is why horrible shit is going to happen to you, how does that work? Do all bad people really get the horrible stuff happen to them your logic says they deserve? Do you really believe that horrible stuff is reserved for bad people? If so, what does that say about everyone here on this site that has had horrible stuff happen to them? Does everyone who gets sick, get sick because they are bad? ........when you start pulling it apart it doesn't make sense

 

[Queen Boudica]

I'm sorry you are feeling like this @Sammyiam. I guess that if you are not living and worrying so much about when your number has come up then maybe it has come already because the horrible thing is not living. I can relate so well to that horrible feeling. But thing is what have you got to lose? If life is so bad now, maybe taking a few risks might improve it.

 

[Sammyiam]

Thanks for the replies, I'm sorry I was upset when I wrote this, and yes it doesn't make sense. I lost my close friend last year who I loved dearly, and who was my adopted mum It was a long horrible hard cancer fought hell. She died on Mothers Day last year. At the same time I also had another friend who had cancer at the same time, who has fought and fought through countless operations and had nearly everything inside removed. He was having another operation to reconnect a couple of things back up. I found out tonight that they went to do it and when they went to do it found more and said sorry that's it go home and sort out your affairs.
At the same time a few weeks ago I reconnected with the most wonderful person you could find, I looked after her child when
my children were young, they shifted away and we have reconnected through a mutal friend. She was fine and went for a check and bam, now she is going through hell.
My Mum died in August and I didn't feel anything, I never had anything to lose as I never had her love, but these other people I felt so sick when my adopted Mum died on Mothers Day and now these other two friends, it's just really hard.

I'm sorry for not making much sense in the first post, I'm sorry

 

[digger]

It is really hard :(:hug:

It does show you though that being 'good' or 'bad' doesn't really factor in it.

There are things we can do to help reduce the risks of illness, but even fit and previously healthy people get sick. Putting your life on hold probably won't make much difference, other than it means that you are missing out on potentially experiencing good things too and I'm pretty sure your adopted mum would not have wanted that to be the outcome of your relationship with her. You're unlikely to be able to change these fears overnight, they took a long time to get ingrained and depression doesn't help with this stuff, but questioning how concrete they are is a good start.

 

[Sammyiam]

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Sending a tissue box of hugs.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I believe that humans have free will to make choices and the bad people that do bad things to good people are just that bad people.

When tragedy hits like you have lost those close to you, it is just life in my opinion. i do not believe that life is fair at all. I had illusions so long ago that mabe my family would be kept in a safe bubble but that was a false belief I had and it is a terrible thing to experience when illusions and false beliefs are so shattered.

In this life, I believe that good and bad happens to us and it is so very difficult when the bat times go on for years and years. Others have called it the dark night of the soul. That term works for me and helps me to sort of understand. But it is sure hell going through the bad times and lose people close to us.

The growth comes after the bad things have passed and we have a time of peace in out lives.

I also believe that which does not kill us makes us stronger.

I sure hope this brings some hope into your life Sammy. You are a good person who has suffered so many bad things, and it is not your fault you are not guilty of what bad others have done to you.

I also believe that we alone can get the help we need to start healing and recovering from the deep scars and learn and grow.

I think you are on the right path for you.

I used to apologize for everything. I hated and loathed myself and felt false guilt and deep shame. I was so desperately needed to be understood but the aftermath of everything bad that happened to me had to be taken apart and sorted through and grieved and mourned and to keep learning and growing. Many hugs to you.