Sexual Assault Why Do I Always Attract Toxic People ...i Feel Plagued

[Flossy]

I have had the exact problem which I am just taking control of now. I kind of figure the universe is making me learn to recognise these people earlier and earlier.

The only way I learn how to do things is to study them.

I have studied Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. I have found without one instance of doubt, that the toxic people I meet fall into one of these two categories of personality disorder.

Both disorders can be often found in the family backgrounds of people with PTSD.

May I suggest you take it on as a study task too. This is the list of what I did. Now I can recognise the personality early before I get involved with the person so much that it is hard to remove myself. I can now do it before we come enmeshed without any having their feelings hurt.

Study.

-DSM-V Narcissistic Personality Disorder
-"" Borderline Personality Disorder
-The Devil You Know by Kerry Daynes and Jessica Fellowes. How to recognise the Psychopath in Your life (replace the word psychopath with Narcissist).
- Walking on Eggshells

The reason I think I attract them is that they show the strengths that I do not have. The glitch is that the strengths in them are so embedded and intense plus these personalities lack empathy. They do not and cannot empathise with how their strengths will mess you up. They do not care. You care, hoping to learn from them, which is why I think they are attractive to us, will not work. These personality types seek to control and manipulate rather than share and guide.

I hope this helps you. It has changed my life.

Don't be surprised if you realise most of your family has these traits. Having some traits yourself does not mean you have the disorders. Some traits are learned behaviours and can be managed and subdued to healthy levels with practise.

Best wishes.

 

[Flossy]

PS. The reason they are attracted to you, is because you show the traits they lack. The ones they want for themselves. Not to learn how to be, but to have the benefits of. Kindness, softness, a listening ear and not a lot of strong boundaries for their behaviour.

Note well, you will need to learn to act on your intuition as your nature will make you 'cut them some slack' or make you consider that you are being to harsh.

That's OK . If you continue to study the problem you will learn earlier and earlier that you need to take action as soon as your instinct tells you this person is bad for you. Not a bad person necessarily, but definitely bad for you.

I have found that I cannot risk being kind with them. I have to detach and become vague as soon as I realise. I cannot explain to them either. They will not allow you to detach if you let them know what you are thinking about them.

Also be aware that people with these personality disorders deliberately hide the intensity of their behaviours so that you feel relaxed and comfortable with them initially. The trick is to stay out of "attachment" with them until you have enough signs that show that is not a good idea, to give them your number, your address, move in with them etc etc.

It involves the necessary skill and patience of holding back and trusting your intuition and acting on it.

 

[Flossy]

One early warning sign for being around someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is to take note if this person ever asks you any questions about yourself. Do they ask about your family, where you grew up, what you like to eat etc. etc.

A Narcissist willl not ask you these things because it is all about your interest in them.

I take note of how compatible someone is likely to be by noticing if they ever ask me any question about me or my life.

If they don't, I dont diagnose them, but I run like hell, just to be sure. I can't afford any more depletion or damage through allowing new potential hurt into my life.

I figure eventually I can live in the world and only allow people who are compatible to get closer to me. I can still be kind and considerate to the others but not allow them to know me or want to know me.

I don't want to be scared of people any more. Also, there are enough people in the world for these people to find the attention they need. They ain't going to get it from me ever again.

 

[Friday]

One early warning sign for being around someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is to take note if this person ever asks you any questions about yourself. Do they ask about your family, where you grew up, what you like to eat etc. etc.

A Narcissist willl not ask you these things because it is all about your interest in them.

I take note of how compatible someone is likely to be by noticing if they ever ask me any question about me or my life.

If they don't, I dont diagnose them, but I run like hell, just to be sure. I can't afford any more depletion or damage through allowing new potential hurt into my life..

I was talking on another thread about the dangers of fixating on a disorder (and symptom constellations), instead of the actual traits of a disorder. This is one of them.

A narcissist may not ask you these things because the interest is all on them but,
- Neither will a person who respects other peoples's privacy and boundaries. They'll wait for you to volunteer that information, instead of prying.
- Same token, an abuser (including psychopaths with narcissistic tendencies, but an abuser is an abuser... Whether they have a diagnosis or are just an abusive f*ck) will typically ask you many questions about you & your life. It's part of grooming, & how to identify weaknesses to exploit later on, & how to best shape themselves to fit into your life.

So if you've fixated on narcissists, and have armed yourself with all of their symptoms? One ends up missing the forest for the trees. You cut potentially very good people out of your life, while inviting in exactly that which you're trying to avoid.

 

[Flossy]

I was talking on another thread about the dangers of fixating on a disorder (and symptom constellations), instead of the actual traits of a disorder. This is one of them.

A narcissist may not ask you these things because the interest is all on them but,
- Neither will a person who respects other peoples's privacy and boundaries. They'll wait for you to volunteer that information, instead of prying.

I was speaking in the context of a normal back & forth sharing conversation, where each person shares and enquires respectfully of each other.

Asking one question in a respectful way. Not prying.

- Same token, an abuser (including psychopaths with narcissistic tendencies, but an abuser is an abuser... Whether they have a diagnosis or are just an abusive f*ck) will typically ask you many questions about you & your life. It's part of grooming, & how to identify weaknesses to exploit later on, & how to best shape themselves to fit into your life.

So if you've fixated on narcissists, and have armed yourself with all of their symptoms? One ends up missing the forest for the trees. You cut potentially very good people out of your life, while inviting in exactly that which you're trying to avoid.

I'll take the risk of potentially cutting very good people out of my life. I now trust my intuition and take my time on who is compatible and who isn't. My intention was not to suggest rigid decisions based on minimal exposure to a person, it was to suggest an overall slowing of the process which allows relationships to develop over time.

I don't think I would apply the word 'fixated' to what I have done. I was sharing that I have learned to "recognise" narcissists. The word 'fixated" gives a negative connotation to something I have found very helpful and I hoped someone else may find some positive in as well. That is why I took the time to write three detailed posts about it. With the hope in mind of someone choosing to see the positive aspects of it and consider them for use for themselves to find a way to protect themselves from further stress or hurt.

I do see your point with abusers prying and questioning.

Bottom line, when we reach a stage where we can trust our own thinking and gut feeling, that is a wonderful skill to be encouraged. :)