Why Do Untreated People Who Know They Have A Mental Illness Have Children?

[Alo]

Because they're humans, that's why. Other species don't tend to reproduce as much when there's not enough resources to support the offspring, but humans will. Regardless of whether it's food, emotional support or whatever else, humans don't always consider their ability to provide necessities into the decision to mate.

 

[Adumi]

I wasn't sure at first how to approach the question... but I get it. I often used to wonder why my mom had me when she clearly had issues of her own. But the truth is, she didn't realize how big of an impact her inner workings had on the outer world. She felt obligated to have children from her religion and tried to be a good mother as best as she could, but the result was that I ended up taking care of her my whole life and helping my siblings through things that happened because of her illness.

I think the other thing to mention isn't why SHE chose to have children, but why my father also chose to not do anything to prevent pregnancy, even using methods allowed in their church. He is KNEW that she had trouble. He KNEW that the stress of the kids she already had was making her worse. And he knew that he had a massive. explosive temper, yet even in his "normal" wisdom, there were more kids.

My mom was hard to deal with... but even though the topic of this is parents with undiagnosed mental health issues, my DAD was the abuser. So it isn't always the mentally ill person at fault in abuse/neglect cases anyway... sometimes they just aren't as able to protect their children from abuse.

 

[Hecal]

Untreated people, who are aware that they are mentally ill or have alcoholism or addiction, that was the parameters.

 

[Romu]

My mother married my father. She had children to fix their relationship. She had emotional problems and mental illness, my father was violent, abusive, addicted to gambling and knew he had PTSD but chose not to get help. It was hell. They would have been better off not having any children. All the adult children have severe mental health and addiction issues. These are now being handed down to the next generation.

This is not about taking away someone's rights to have children. This is about getting people to think about whether to have children and if so, when is the best time - being treated or in treatment being optimal rather than choosing not to be treated.

 

[Romu]

I had a friend who I found out her partner was beating her. I pointed out a study to her which detailed that 70% of the men that beat their partners also sexually abuse their children. I said to her never have children with this man. She had two children and has left him because he sexually abused the children. She said she was aware of the risks but thought that her love and the the children would change him. So she may not really have been aware of the dynamic, but if she was, was it really worth the risk of putting the children in harm's way like this?

 

[Ibum]

I know different places have different ideas about abortion. I know that different religious communities have different ideas about abortion as well.

I know that at my exclusive, expensive, private Catholic girls school that the nuns dealing with a girl in my year supported her decision to get an abortion as she was pregnant from her father. Of course everyone is different with what they do. It is just in the religious community I grew up in that was okay.

I would never have become a mother because I got pregnant to my father. I would have had an abortion. I always knew I would never make an adequate parent.

 

[Arah]

there is a pertinent scene from a good movie called "Parenthood", biggest names on the cast are Steve Martin and Keanu Reeves, an all around good movie for anyone either in the throws of raising kids or thinking about it or reminiscing.

The scene to watch is towards the end, Keanu delivers a short speech about people that shouldn't have kids, particularly his father:

"You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - h***, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any b***-reaming a*****e be a father."

 

[Wesek]

Quid pro quo - Why do people in failing relationships have kids?

 

[Ifat]

My father is impulsive and my mother is desperate so when they met they got involved way too fast, got married too fast and made decisions without much thought. I am a product of my fathers impulsiveness and my mothers desperation. Neither have mental problems or addictions per se, but neither have a maternal/paternal bone in their body. They have never really been parent figures to me and as soon as they got divorced they gave up on me.

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.

 

[Ova]

Denial is probably a big contributer here. You can know you have a mental illness, or addiction, and still think that everything will be "alright". This doesn't make it right.

Now, I have a mental illness, but I was wary of having children despite all the help I was getting. It was with great debate that I finally decided to and with continued help. I wish all people thought that much before having children.

 

[Iwi]

Catch 22. My mother is a raving alcoholic, still is. She obviously had severe mental health issues from before she had children. One of my earliest memories is of her cutting her hair off like a maniac and being sectioned. Long story short, I suffered at the hands of this evil woman, with my father turning a blind eye (they were divorced for most of my life). I have PTSD. I deal with her day in day out. Somedays I scare myself with my own dark thoughts.

I struggle with every relationship in my life; with friends, boyfriends (recently lost my on/off relationship of 11 years) and authority figures. I so crave a 'normal' life. I would have loved nothing more than to get married and have a family of my own. But thanks to my parents, that seems impossible and actually incredibly scary. The really sad thing is, my parents are just sailing along in their merry ways, without any second thought for how I am dealing with their failings - they simply blame each other for what me and my siblings have to cope with.

Although I don't agree with a lot that has been said in here, everybody needs to think long and hard before making a baby. Caring and raising for that baby should be the most important thing you ever do. If you aren't capable of that commitment, get a hamster instead (or an animal with an even shorter life-span if it's really difficult for you!).

 

[Ivuw]

I agree with the last poster. Everyone does need to think long and hard, regardless of their issues on whether or not they should have children. But I also think being mentally ill does not immediately mean you'll transfer your 'chaos' onto your children. I've seen success stories with my own eyes. Mentally ill and untreated does not immediately equal a bad parent. It can equal a stressed parent, an overly serious parent or an occasionally sad parent, but not necessarily a bad one. There are also plenty of 'perfectly sane'(at least according to the law) people out there hurting kids. I do agree that you must take responsibility for your condition 100% if you are of sound enough mind to do so. There is no excuse for not at least trying and there are plenty of things you can do in your every day routine until you can get medication/therapy.

Also, I'm sorry but other posters did make it about the right to have children although the OP did not. My apologies for focusing on that in my last post instead of staying on topic. My biggest problem with this conversation is that it, in my mind, continues the belief of mental illness being a taboo. A bad thing. And quite frankly, that is a great portion of the reason why so many don't want to admit to themselves or society that they need help. That by having mental illness they will be seen as undependable, flawed and unfit human beings.