Why Does Being Praised Feel So Bad?

[angel2write]

I was at a homeschool event today, and several people came up to me and praised me for various things. The food I'd made, the class I taught, the craft I designed for the kids, my piano playing...

Praise is supposed to be a good thing, right? So why does it feel so bad when people praise me?

Does this happen to anybody else, and do you know why it happens to you?

 

[Sterre]

Yes, I can relate to that.

My response to praise vary's from feeling shamefull, angry, akward to sometimes being okay with praise.

It can stirr up anger inside me, when someone praises me. It depends on the situation and the person that praises me.
Sometimes it feels like I am being patronised, sometimes I am to angry with myself to accpet praise, and sometimes it makes me feel shamefull, for some odd reason.

It can make me very uncomfortable sometimes.

 

[sea]

I think they just say that stuff because they are trying to find something nice to say instead of telling me how horrible I am. Or, I think it isn't true, or I don't deserve it. :cry:

 

[Zipperhead]

Akward is an apt discription.

 

[anthony]

Maybe that is more a sign of humility, as it was pointed out to myself for the same things. I don't like being praised for helping out or helping others either... but if you possess humility, then it means it doesn't go to your head and whilst you appreciate kind words, you enjoy the act more than praise given for the act.

 

[Pippi]

My problem with praise goes right to the heart of my PTSD and the feeling that, deep down, I am a horrible person who is unworthy of love. I have always had this feeling that, if the people I care most about knew who I really am, they would be disgusted and abandon me. According to my therapist, this is a common feeling for people with PTSD. It takes a lot for me to shut that voice off and accept praise graciously, with a smile and a thank you, instead of minimizing myself. It's something I'm trying to work on.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

My response to praise vary's from feeling shameful, angry, awkward to sometimes being okay with praise.

It can make me very uncomfortable sometimes.

I usually feel ashamed, knowing or feeling that if they REALLY knew me, they wouldn't like or appreciate me. I also have a very hard time receiving gifts. I feel so unworthy to receive anything special. I know that is distorted thinking, but knowing doesn't make it easier.

 

[freakofnurture]

I know that I can't take praise for a variety of reasons.

First and foremost I don't believe that I can do anything right. Praise happens after tasks that were really simple, or it's uttered by people who have 1. no idea what they're talking about and/or 2. just stick to some social protocol that demands praise in certain situations.

Second of all praise doesn't help. I want to improve in everything I do, so don't tell me what I'm doing right, tell me what I'm doing wrong and how I can make it right the next time. That totally doesn't mean, though, that I'm good at accepting critiques *face-palm*

Third of all the social protocol stuff is a marker for attempts at establishing a relationship. In my mind, a relationship, once started, can only ever end horribly with me being the victim. So praise makes me wary and feel like the part where I have to walk on eggshells is about to begin.

I need to emigrate to a society of robots. I really do.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Not being able to feel or accept praise is part of the people-pleasing, I suspect.

From the ADA "Problem"

...Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional household. We had come to feel isolated, and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we became people-pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat. We either became alcoholics (or practiced other addictive behavior) ourselves, or married them, or both. Failing that, we found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.

Source: Link Removed

 

[Lucille]

I have a thread on this exact same thing, so I can totally relate!

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/hard-to-accept-compliments.21606/#post-297262[/DLMURL]

Recently, I've been feeling a lot of anxiety about my future job after college. My parents keep telling me they are proud of me... but it hurts me when they say that. It's almost like I'm afraid that they'll suck all the good out of it for me...? Not sure why, but it's standing in my way of me feeling proud of myself. Which SUCKS.

 

[Abrasky]

I have the opposite problem, I am addicted to praise. Because I learned that I caused my dad's violence to my mother. So I seek now to be perfect in order to not cause violence from other people to happen.
It must be hard to also not accept praise. Sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[sea]

Maybe because as a kid there were very specific sets of things I was praised for and that was kind of what stuck with me as what I am capable of doing, so anything aside from that feels like a social nicety or something. I could probably handle being praised for something I know I'm good at all day long. The problem is, I'm not very good at anything, lol. :rolleyes: