Why Does He Want To Contact Me?

[Sha]

I recieved a friend request from my attacker on facebook.
Why would he try to contact me? Does he think i forgot what he did to me? I'm in shock, I have extreme anxiety and I just want to run away. I live on such a small island, there is no where to hide. I am confused, sad, angry, afraid, scared... I just want the suffering to end. I called the police being so afraid of him doing this. Reminds me that even after all these years (12) he can still cause me so much pain. I can barely breath. This really nice detective spoke to me. She will contact him and make sure he knows to stay far away from me. She gave me her personal number, to call her anytime if tries contacting me again. I don't know what else to do. I wish I could tell the world what kind of monster he is. How do you move on? How do you get over this? It's not humanly possible to just erase the past? Make it beautiful and erase the fact that I was raped.... I wish I could drink a pill to forget, to calm my mind and this heavy anxiety I try my best to hide from the world...

 

[Julesnaz]

Not that it helps much, but I believe there is a setting on facebook that will make it so that if someone searches for you they won't find you. Only you will be able to friend request others, people won't be able to friend you

 

[Sha]

I don't have my real name on there and the biggest problem is that I live on a very small island, everyone knows everyone and unfortunately he has friends who are my friends too and I believe that's how he found me. My biggest issue with all this is that I don't understand why he would want to contact me. He used to be my friend and that's how he raped me. I went to his house to take care of some work he said he could help me with, little did I know that he would lock me in his room and rape me. I still can't understand how someone can be turned on by a crying woman. I cried the whole time and was screaming to please stop. I was so young and naive.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

If anything I'm betting he's doing damage control. Adding you as a friend on facebook makes him feel better....if you accept, that tells him "hey, she's my FRIEND and we're good!" (Well, you know what I mean....now that the term "friend" means pretty much nothing anymore thanks to social media.) It allows him to feel less guilty. And, if in the future, you make accusations against him, he can defend himself by saying "she's lying and making it all up because we are FRIENDS!"

Unfortunately Facebook privacy settings went out the window. Its a shame, really.

 

[AprilK]

He is a predator, not a normal person. He tried to friend you so he could stalk you. Contacting police was the right thing to do. You deserve any help you can get to protect yourself from this animal.

 

[Friday]

Ringing the police? Good.
Trying to figure out the motivations behind what psychos do? Crazy making. Also pointless.
Don't try to reason with the mad dog. Contain it, shoot it, or climb a tree.

 

[Kintsugi]

Fridayjones hit the nail on the head, I think.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know what this is like. I know it can be completely devastating. The whiplash is horrible. I hope you have safe places, online and off, where you can find some peace.

 

[Sha]

Thank you everyone for the feedback!

I am so lost. People think I'm crazy because my stress level is so high and I smile all the time to hide it but when it goes overboard I flip and no one can handle me, other than my husband. He's the only person I truly trust.

I wish I could say that I have a safe place. My husband travels alot for work, he has offered to take care of me so I could travel with him but I really want to try to function like a normal person and have a career of my own but we all know how hard it can be to hide this when your working with people 9hr a day, eventually they see what your hiding and most people can't deal they just want you out. My only safe place is with him anywhere as long as he's holding my hand. I think it's so hard now because he's been gone for a week now. He never goes for more than 3days. He spoke to me about it and I really wanted to prove myself wrong. And than this happens and I'm so afraid again. You work so hard to convince yourself that your better and you can handle life again but the truth is, this surprises you each time and shows you your not in control.

I pray for everyone.

 

[Friday]

There are jobs you can do on the road.

Just an invitation to reconsider "normal". My ex was a DBA, he used to work his "day" job while on tour with his band. As did their drummer (an MBA accountant). I've sent off scripts I'm translating from truckstops & airports, spent countless hours in Adobe Creative Suite smacking digital photos around in hotels and busses. While in brick & mortar school, with a toddler in tow, I did most of my studying 50 to 1,000+ miles away from home.

IME... So much of life is improvising, adapting, overcoming... In order to suit your own life best. Not your neighbor's, or anyone else's.