Why Does It Seem Like Nobody Cares?

[whserenitynluv]

I am not sure what I did that was so bad to people. I am not as bad as I make it in my mind, or am I? I used to have a grip load of friends. But now it seems they avoid me, my phone never rings ever. The highlight of my day today is going over to a neighbors and volunteering my time to remove blackberries, just because I want to do something nice? And maybe by doing that I'll find a friend in return. I had a terrible nightmare last night and I have nobody to tell it too, and all I hear in my head is " quit playing a victim " pull your head out of your ass". I'm lonley as hell! I'm angry about my past relationship, and feel everything I write is the wrong thing. I don't understand what I need to do or what I did wrong to deserve this, and think maybe I am this bad guy. It would be so nice to have someone to talk to, that understands. Have any of you experienced this? I'm not an introvert person at all, I think maybe if I do 300 sit ups or maybe if I run 10 miles a day and flash a big bank account maybe then. It almost feels like people are happy I feel this way, like I deserve it.

I'm just venting, but it's paralyzing especially when I'm healing. Everyone has a good friend right? How can I do this without any friends ... Seems impossible. I feel pathetic that my world has come to this.

 

[sun seeker]

No... not everyone has a good friend. They're precious and rare.

I don't know you so can't say what got you into this situation, but just want to tell you I sympathize. Loneliness is so hard. Friends who can really understand and know how to be with your pain are few and far between. I really hope you can find one.

 

[Kefira]

I don't have any real advice, but I understand. My one good friend cut me out of her life last month for something I didn't do. I also broke up with my bf around the same time.

I have a few 'friends' but they never answer the phone and rarely text back. So now that I'm living away from them I guess they aren't. It's very very hard to be lonely and hard to feel like there's no one you can even try to talk to.

 

[bell]

Honestly, it sounds like you are trying too hard to get friends and often that turns people off. When a friend or person is constantly giving giving giving, it unbalances the relationship and amps the stress up, instead of doing what a friendship should do and put you at ease.

What about doing exercises or running at the gym? Or taking a class at the gym? When you partake in an activity you like, you become more likable and relaxed, and therefore it will be easier to make friends.

 

[Justmehere]

I struggle with this too. I have a couple friends that I could share with, but I get scared they would run away if I did. I wish I had a solution. :hug:

 

[violetclouds]

I don't have any close friends to help me through this either but I do have my husband. The things that caused my PTSD also caused the loss of my extended family (I am kind of estranged from mom, sister, brother, etc., ) and the other parts of my traumas kept me from ever forming those close, long lasting friendships, so I understand to a certain extent. I don't always want to burden my husband with all of my PTSD "stuff" so I wish there were others I could talk to sometimes. Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk - we can talk to each other and be, in a sense, friends.

 

[whserenitynluv]

@sun seeker, thank you

I'm sure my arrogance and avoidance, got me here. Fear and settling for abuse instead. In the past I have had quick fixes, they felt good for a quick ride, but I've chosen not to do that this time. So I'm not sure what to do. Maybe I'll never have a friend I don't know, not saying I don't have any online that I care about. But I miss hanging out and laughing, hugging someone, feeling like someone gives a damn. I miss it.... Not the abuse,but I miss being there for my friends too. Like this is some sort of punishment and until I'm perfect I don't deserve them.

@Kefira

Yeah , that's about right, I have so many regrets that I am not sure that I'll ever see the light sometimes .. I sit and think about it, and list it all out inside myself. I hear the reintegrating memories, thank you:)

 

[TonyG]

I have my wife, not saying you should run out and get a wife haha, I have friends but not like in the old days when I had best mates, just be yourself, join a community group it will give you something to look forward too,
Try and vent your problems here, I have found some online game sites are great for chatting, there's allways someone online. But if you just want face to face contact clubs and community groups are the way to go.

 

[whserenitynluv]

Thank you for all the wonderful responses:)
@bell I agree and appreciate the feedback about the gym and working out. Trying to hard. I really haven't tried is the problem, in the past I would jump into relationships just to mend the pain. Not saying I cannot make friends, I want to be a good friend, like I know I am without walls. Which I didn't realize until I talked with a dr who pointed that out, so I am cautious of my actions now. Amends is another area I'm working on. Friendships take time, and maybe even more time for me. Cleaning the slate with my grandiose ideas I'm vulnerable.

@Justmehere. It is so refreshing to know I am not alone in the way I am feeling. That it is normal to have these emotions. Thank you - hugs back at you! If I knew how to make the hug symbol :-)

@Tony thank you for the advice. Having a wife would be great, I want to be a good wife first. Hugs :-)

@violetclouds my ptsd has injured relationships with my family too. I have no spouse, no partner... But wouldn't want to burden her with that either, and there's a couple more reasons why this is important to me. I will take you up on that offer, thank you! Hugs

 

[Friday]

What's up with the idea that you a) deserve anything & b) must be a bad person or have done something bad in order to have terrible things, and challenging things happen?

Bad things happen to good people.

Promise. All the time.

<grin> And so do good things. The narrative in our life isnt determined by 'if you're good, good things will happen... If you're bad, bad things will happen'. In fact, some of the most extraordinary people have lead incredibly challenging lives. What happens to you in this life is not a reflection of who you are as a person. It's how you meet those things in your life that reflects your character. And if you think your heros and heroines never broke down and cried, stormed, ranted, and went back to bed... Well, then you've got the Disney version of their story. It isn't about everything always going well, nor always being a photo shoot response to things going badly.

 

[whserenitynluv]

@FridayJones
It just felt that way very much so at the moment.... This is a place that's new for me, and change is uncomfortable I suppose. I like what you said, :hug:

 

[Philippa]

Loneliness is pretty much at epidemic proportions these days. The internet can give the illusion of connection, and can be a safe haven for people who are anxious or suffering from trauma, but that can also lead to a disconnection in real life from contact with people offline, which can lead to feeling more isolated for many people. I think the suggestion to do community volunteer work is great. I've done that myself in the past when I first moved to melbourne, and it was great to feel productive and also meet lovely people...even if we didn't end up becoming close friends. I did make one friend this way who has remained in my life, on and off, for the last 10 years, so it can really be a good way to make friends. Hope this improves for you. I've felt the same way at times, but I had so many atrocious experiences with so called friends that it turned me off having any for a long time...that and the way friends can sometimes distract you towards where you want to go. But I also learned that when shit happens, if you don't have friends then things are going to be much much worse and harder to get past than with them.