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Why I Won't Cut Myself

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Oh. I guess it is okay to hurt myself, as long as it costs less money than helping me. Of course, their version of 'help' frightened me very badly. :unsure:

How horrible of an experience and what an isolating and "never reach out for help again on our time!" message did you get. Lack of compassion and true understanding is what comes to mind :(, hurts my heart every time I hear another story of ignorance about the pain that drives us.

I know right you are, in this wave of those that do not get it, there are those that shine so bright and GET IT with the reaction of the sense of somebody I always hoped would. With Outrage! My tdoc, usually the epitome of cool, calm, and reasonable logic itself starts shaking her head, concern in her eyes, snapping back the comments wanting to bubble over until I'm done waiting for feedback. Let's it be known, when it comes to the lack of a treatment or incorrect treatment, the dismissal of my reaching out for help, she is not only concerned by the authorities but mostly by the trained professionals that have always been a part of my life.

Unfortunately, in the public and in the private arena the main concern's name is LIABILITY. I've understood this but when at my worst I did expect a little more compassion with that bill.

Here, to me, it's strength in numbers, information, care, concern, and experience.
 
Cutting was my way of "seeing" the pain leave my body. The physical way of blood (my hurt) dripping out. I no longer have to see the blood, I can write (representing the cutting) the pain down in a public manner (ie this forum) and "watch" the pain leave by those posting experiences and helpful suggestions.

Using this method, I haven't cut in over 10 years. (thanks to all)
 
It helped to read this thread today. I'm struggling with this right now. It's hard.

But I won't cut myself because I know that these feelings and urges will pass. Somehow, eventually, they always do. No feeling is final... someone said that, though I can't remember who. I will not feel compelled to do this forever, so if I wait, and wait, and wait, it will pass.

And it would disappoint people who are trying to help and support me. I can't tolerate the disappointment of others in me, it is unbearable, more unbearable than these awful feelings. I will not let them down.

And I won't do it because when I was a child, he made me do it, so that he could laugh, and taunt me, and watch my humiliation. He made me believe my blood was toxic and that I was evil and vile. And he made me believe him.

I won't believe him anymore. I won't let myself bleed the hope out of me the way that he did.

I won't.

Maddog
 
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