Why I Wouldn't Commit Suicide.

[shell]

Why aren't there more positive threads on suicidal thoughts like this, it's so easy to become more depressed reading some of the other discussions on this.

Why I wouldn't commit suicide:
My son, I couldn't bare to hurt him and to teach him that when things get really tough it's ok to do things that you know will hurt others.
My brother, knowing he is also struggling with this - I would hate to be the trigger for him.
My husband - he is already going through enough right now.

Me - because I haven't really given therapy a chance because I so worried about letting someone really know me and feeling like a bigger freak. If I could survive my life as a child, why would I throw it all away just because I feel like crap, I no longer in danger, I just feel like I am. The only danger in my life now is me, it's about time I faced it.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

I too don't usually read this topic. It's just not me/ my personality! But the thread title took my interest.

This is generally what I remember when anyone talks to me about suicide...

When my sisters boyfriend committed suicide, I saw the devastating fall out - the devistation that it caused family, friends and the whole community. I wouldn't wish that on anyone!

Suicide is a selfish act that only hurts those still alive. I am not a selfish person!

Those still living are devastated decades later! They can't function, they are in constant circles of 'blame games', they are riddled with 'should haves', they don't get over it, they develop phobias and other difficulties. It affects their future relationships. It destroys their lives! I am not a malicious person, I wouldn't want to cause hurt like that to others.

But most importantly, those still living are traumatized - those closest develop PTSD! I would never wish PTSD on anyone! Would you?

 

[Queen Boudica]

My sister attempted suicide numerous times. And then she was on the road to recovery but she overdosed again and this time it worked.

Whether it was a serious attempt this time or accidental I don't know. I will never know.

But the day she did it, she destroyed me too. I will never get over it, never stop feeling guilty. Never stop crying when I think about it, always feel sad. Somehow desperately thinking of how I could have stopped it if I had been there. Working out in my head why I was not strong enough to help her. Feeling totally useless.

I would never do that to my kids or anyone close to me.

 

[Lucycat]

I would not commit suicide -
Because I want to live!:)

 

[heidi]

This is the biggest purgatory that could ever exist.

 

[just me here]

Had a horrifying dream last night where I was absolutely determined to do it and wasn't able to make anything work. I tried overdose and evidently failed because I was jumping out a window later and then tying a noose and didn't manage to end the dream or even wake up until the normal ten minutes before the alarm clock. This is one scary look into my subconscious, I am shook and almost scared of tonight.

If that is what it is like to try and fail, I can only say I feal real sorrow for those here that live with that scar and unspeakable self disappointment? can't really put a word on what that has to be like, but it is still better than being successful and I guess even though it was a dream I am glad I wasn't able to conjure up a death dream, just an attempt dream.

Anyway, why I wouldn't commit suicide- Because I want to see what my grandkids are going to be like, because I would lose the hard work I have put in to be here now, because I have seen the results of a suicide, helped load a few bodies and seen the look of absolute disbeleif on the looks of family members faces. It's like " I thought he loved us, I thought he was trying to get better for us, I guess we lost out to his demons, he wanted out more than he wanted to stay in for us".

Damn that dream scared me. I mean I think about it alot, most of us do, but to dream of so many methods like I was determined to get the job done, where does that come from?

 

[Ruth09]

I'd miss the licks on my face my dog gives me.

 

[Okimuk]

The last time I almost attempted (I didn't cuz my mom was in close proximity and I crawled in bed with her) I was in full psychosis so, the thought of suicide was seductive and enticing. So I was not depressed so to speak just delusional. I always thought that suicide was done when one is in so much pain but being in another state of reality can cause it as well. In my mind, killing myself was a way to set myself free from this world. Glad I didn't do it! I have two kids that need me and if I do leave early, it will not be by my own hand. My mother has no idea she potentially saved my life. Voices were telling me exactly how to do it. But deep down, I knew just to go be with her and let her hold me. If she knew what I was about to do, she would've lost it!

 

[Incendiu]

I can't say I will not, I can't decide that as my attempts never actually have been my own clear fullminded didicions. I have been sleeping two of the times when the attempts occure the last time a year ago that really was a close on happened during a period when I couldn't sleep at all for days and I don't realy remember anything the last three days before it realy become real serious. Every night i somehow overdosed more and more of a medication I had then..why? I don't know becouse I was happy, comfortable with my life. It all ended up with that I one night suddently (as far as my bf have told me) fall asleep but was at the same time awake but having dreams with flashbacks...I will not go further into that but as I have been told nobody could come near me untill I became unconsius...later on stopt breathing, my heart gave up but they manage to get it beating again, I survived. The week after that I cant remember anything from...thats 10 days memorielos and all I know is what I have been told.

I've been thinking about suicide often in my life, but almost never the last 5 years as my life have made so wonderfull changes and I want to live...but I cant trust my self if I sleep ore if I don't sleep. Why would I try to commit suicide? All my senses tells me there is nothing that would make me do that...the worst thing with to survive is not to be able to answer to my self ore my loved ones why. If it was five years ago I would know...but now...no.

I hope this will never happen again...I try to do all I can to not let it happen.
I want to live, not because it would hurt others if I died but because I'm not done with my life. There is things I want to do, feel, explore and most of all because I have to give myself the opportunity.

Sleep is my best friend and my enemy...