Why Shouldn't I Commit Suicide?

[NarcSis]

My two cents whether you care or not is this,

I had dreams then life went to sh*t and things never went back to what they were before.

I watched the me I knew and loved change into this - feeling useless, worthless, unworthy, abandoned, forgotten and insignificant. Life for me sucks in comparison to what it was. It seems to have no point anymore....because I keep getting caught up looking at my life In Comparison to other lives I see.

Guess what? All those other people with their appearance of perfection and great lives, their lives aren't any more important or significant than yours. They're not going to make a difference, they're not going to change the world, they're going to live insignificant lives and die at a later date just like you.

Just like me. I'm fine with that. The emotional pain, the limitations that I need to impose to function properly? That's MY life and No One can tell me how to live it or that it Needs to change.

Accept the life you have because you can't be anyone else but you, and You are the most important character in that life.

Hugs to you.

 

[Rainydaiz]

Yea! My sister can't understand it, but then she thinks that the doctors are the same as the ones in Holl...

I'm glad you were able to get back in touch with your sister Gadgie. Hoping you get to the top of that waiting list soon.

 

[Mallaky]

I've asked the doctor

I have made appointments with over two dozen doctors and therapists. Its important to maximize your chances. In germany that is how its done, maybe situation in UK is different, but I am pretty sure one doctor is not enough. Sorry if not applicable.

 

[Gadgie]

Cheers Rainydaze, it was two years the last time?

Mallaky, it doesn't work like that here, we are registered to one doctor, from a practise that has more, (depending in size of practise) and our medical notes are kept at the practise.

So, if you want to see another doctor from the same practise, he/she gets your notes from the file, but all they know about you, it what they can read in the short time until you get in to see them.

 

[Rainydaiz]

Cheers Rainydaze, it was two years the last time?

Mallaky, it doesn't work like that here, we are regist...

Two years...blimey. Sorry it was that long.

 

[Gadgie]

Yea! I think the fact that I was "dropped" the last time, "for not responding quick enough" will put my chances of receiving any more therapy in jeopardy?

 

[Rainydaiz]

I hope not Gadgie. Good luck with it all.

 

[I'm not Spiderman]

My two cents whether you care or not is this,

I had dreams then life went to sh*t and things never went...

@Medic72 I just love what you said. I am so guilty of the Life Comparison and it often leads to a lot of pain for me. Your 2 cents are a million bucks to me!

 

[MariaTPhD]

Things don't get better with time, they get worse.The life I live now is a far cry from what it was as a...

You seem to be making a few assumptions that seem to be lacking support of evidence. First, how do you know the world would end completely? Energy doesn't cease to exist. It simply changes form. The brain is known to be propelled by energy. What if you DON'T simply cease to exist? What happens then?

Second, how do you know what life expects from you? Although you feel life may have disappointed you, there may be something that life is waiting for you to do. How do you know that you have done it?

Third, success is relative. What do you define as success? How do you know you are not successful just being yourself? It may be that you are measuring with the wrong ruler.

Every person is a gift to the world. A simple smile can restore a person's confidence in himself. If you feel life is not worth living, maybe it is time to ask life what it has planned for you. If it seems hopeless, it is not Life you are speaking to. It is Death, and death only wants destruction.

You have a duty to life. Find out what that is and do it. Don't be afraid. What this world sees as a success now will change in a decade or a century. Humans are fickle. Don't trust their perceptions of success.

God bless your healing.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Two weeks ago my brother hung himself. He was living with me trying to get himself together. We both have PTSD. Now I have the trauma of finding his body. Flashbacks and nightmares whenever I try to sleep are driving me nuts. I'm bereft, guilty, depressed, lost, and I keep getting intrusive thoughts of killing myself. I won't do it. I won't put anyone else through what I'm going through. When I tried suicide before, I thought that people would be better off without me. Not true. If they felt that way they wouldn't be around. There are people who care, and places to get help. I don't know you so I don't know what your situation is, but I do know there is help. And it does get better, slowly, like erosion, but it does get better.

 

[Tinyflame]

like erosion

I think is a good way to put it.

I think the question is, what has to erode? Is it self-hatred, or self-blame, or abusive situations, or comparing the past, or pain without relief? Etc.

I think it came to me a wee bit, that the trouble discussing it is (sometimes, JMHO however), that what can be said if one doesn't have people/ family? And what if strangers have been kinder than family?

Well, I'm just guessing, but I think at such times one has to cling to what is good, & whom has been kind, +/or who has faith, or faith or hope for us when we don't. To really go on blind faith or hope, at those times. (I know, just speaking for myself, if I don't have hope trying to generate it uses up even more emotional resources I don't have, & works in reverse. I feel even more burdensome. If that makes sense? ) It's like sailing, but you can't generate the wind yourself, just start to steer, find an anchor, etc. Or even batten down the hatches, if necessary.)

ETA, I think truma is really devastating. I mean, beyond the scope of what we probably admit. Really soul-crushing. (Kind of not that unusual we'd feel this way.)

 

[Gadgie]

I got a surprise phone call this morning from the palliative therapist that ran the bereavement group I was on with him ten months ago.

He couldn't believe that his letter to my doctor was ignored, so he is going to try and get me some help.

So, I can only hope that he arrange something for me.