Why Is The Idea Of Caring For Myself So Disturbing?

[Abstract]

an you tell me what has enabled you to make progress?

Stenni,
When I get my head around this I will come back. I hope you have a nice break...

 

[Abstract]

Strange Stenni as I had just thought of this thread a couple of hours ago or so...

 

[Pietro]

I'd much rather rely on myself than ask others for help. And if I let myself down, as I almost inevitably will, then that just confirms my view of myself. Asking for anything is so dangerous isn't it?

I know I have this problem as well. "Delegation" was a bad word in my vocabulary. "Real" men don't other people to do their work for them -- they do it all themselves. Of course, this is impossible.

But, then, even if I was OK to delegate, I'd have the whole social issue of having to trust people, interact with new people, etc., to get work done. This is not impossible, but it takes enormous energy for me, and can be overwhelming.

And, finally, mix in some apathy, and you've got a hot mess. ;)

I really hate being like this, living like this -- like a scared rabbit in a hole, afraid to pop its head out. I wasn't always like this. I hope I can overcome this one day.

 

[ms spock]

It is hard to do self care as it challenges all that self love stuff.

 

[Abstract]

that self love stuff.

You re right Ms Spock. Like opening pandoras box.

I think thats why I had to do it as a dose of medicine as I could not do it for self love. Self care brought up very difficult feelings. It felt wrong, made me feel self destructive and even more self hatred. Eventually though I think it helped build some self love. Maybe its a bit like only feeling Ok when others treat us badly. It feels familiar. So it takes being treated well by others enough to start feeling that is the way it should be. That is what it has felt like when treating myself well anyway.

 

[Pietro]

Maybe its a bit like only feeling Ok when others treat us badly. It feels familiar.

I think there's a lot of truth to this. We get "trained" for this, to the point that it becomes easier than treating ourselves well. Our entire reward/punishment system gets tangled-up, it seems. ;)