Why Is This Happening??

[FindingMyself88]

Ok, not sure if this was the right place to post this and I am also sorry for the amount of posting I have done the last several days…its just been a hard 3 weeks and being postponed again from seeing my Therapist hasn't helped..

Every since Wednesday night when I had that complete breakdown at finding out that once again seeing my counsellor would be postponed, I have felt emotionally unstable…Like I go from feeling numb one hour to being completely overwhelmed the next. Sometimes its triggered, sometimes its not…Even when I'm numb, I feel edgy and have so many thoughts running through my head. I try so hard to journal how I feel, but I can't and it frustrates me even more.

If nothing else happens, I am suppose to see my Therapist on Monday… but I'm so afraid that I am just going to state whats happened and that be it…Thats the way it was the last few visits. I can't emotionally connect to whats happened outside of my head…inside is a huge amount of chaos.

Am I going crazy? Why is this happening? I feel like I would be so much better if I could get out everything thats in my head, but it feels impossible..I don't like these changes of emotions, it's never been this bad before...

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

finding out that once again seeing my counsellor would be postponed, I have felt emotionally unstable

I know the feeling. I've been going through three weeks of that now, also hard to keep it togheter sometimes. But in my case, trying to find some distraction helps. It also helps the time go faster.

If nothing else happens, I am suppose to see my Therapist on Monday… but I'm so afraid that I am just going to state whats happened and that be it…Thats the way it was the last few visits.

I feel like I would be so much better if I could get out everything thats in my head, but it feels impossible..

Can you tell her this? You can tell us, so maybe it's worth a try?

I don't like these changes of emotions, it's never been this bad before...

Changes of emotions are horrible. The thing is to attempt to take a bit of distance from yourself, but I now that this can be a very difficult thing to do. Distraction and going places (if you can) helps get some distance...

 

[runover]

I can't emotionally connect to whats happened outside of my head…inside is a huge amount of chaos. Am I going crazy? Why is this happening? I feel like I would be so much better if I could get out everything thats in my head, but it feels impossible..I don't like these changes of emotions, it's never been this bad before...

That's exactly how I feel. if my therapist asks me to recall any feelings I've had over the week- I have a complete mental block. I cant remember anything! and usually makes me start crying to recall it- even if its not upsetting? Ive written in a journal at the time- but I dont dare to look at it after the event. It reassures me to hear other people experience the same- we're in the same boat. Hang on in there xx

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

((((Findingmyself))) Big, big hugs to you!

Girrrrrrrl, I know exactly how you're feeling. Just read through my threads all in the last 3 weeks, every last one.

You can do this. Your team row boat will be here soon. The only advice I can offer is my experience personally.

Coming here every day and being accountable about my plan (one step at a time), sharing about every anxiety, flashback, trigger, depressive episode, or whatever I was feeling, etc was a saving grace for me. I shouldn't say "was". It HAS been a saving grace for me. I'm still doing it day by day :D

I learned that being alone with my plan or my symptoms is not an option anymore. And when I had those positive moments and I thought I could handle it on my own, I still came here and posted.

You're not going crazy. You have PTSD (Processing Those Shitty Days---I realize that's not all encompassing) and it's not your fault.

 

[katiekat]

Have you considered transitioning to a new therapist that is much more available? I am sure that is a scary thought, but maybe you can get your current therapist to refer you to someone she knows and can get them up to speed on your history. And you could start seeing them in addition to your current therapist until you feel safe enough to see the new therapist more regularly. It seems like a scary idea but it might be best for you to have someone more readily available, maybe someone who is open to regular email communication between sessions when you are going through hard days. It's worth bringing up to your therapist at the very least.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thanks everyone… I think I am going to try to explain this problem with my T..

@katiekat Its not been her fault. First it was I was in the hospital, then she had some openings, but none I could grab, then one week I had to cancel, and yesterday the weather cancelled us. We have never went more than 2 weeks prior to this stretch.