Relationship Why Lie...

[Keepingthefaith5]

When confronted with an issue, no matter how small or big, my vet always lies! He knows I know he is lying, but why lie on top of a lie. I just don't get it!!! Blows my mind! Huge character flaw I'm trying to see if I can look past it. Ugh needed to vent.

 

[Sighs]

Not something I could look past. If I can't trust a word a man says then I can't be in a relationship with him.

 

[Keepingthefaith5]

@Sighs thats what I say and think, but then he says he can't let me go and im afraid that if i do cut contact, he's going to do something stupid. I'm at a bind. Im suggesting couples counseling.

 

[Sighs]

he says he can't let me go

As in, you're afraid he may hurt you?

im afraid that if i do cut contact, he's going to do something stupid

Or he's going to hurt himself?

 

[Keepingthefaith5]

Hurt himself. I tried ignoring him, cutting contact, and he relied me back in and stopped at my workplace.

 

[Sighs]

I once left a man in circumstances where I honestly though he might kill himself. (No PTSD involved for either of us.) it was extremely difficult to make the decision but I knew logically that I couldn't stay in a relationship for that reason alone. His only reaction was "I want my stuff." Which I gave him. Wish I'd left much earlier.

 

[Sweetpea76]

If he kills himself, it's nobody's fault but his own. That is emotional blackmail.

 

[anonymous]

Lying is a character flaw.... No blaming this one on PTSD!

A sufferer recently posted a thread about lying, too. Maybe read that one?

Relationships are based on communication. Without that, you've got nothing. I can't fathom being with someone who lies. (Don't you think you deserve even the very basics of respect? If not, why not?)

 

[Friday]

That's weird. Most vets I know can't stand lying. Even the appearance of lying. Clearly, not true for everyone, though.

 

[Sighs]

Yup - most of the vets I know I would describe as brutally honest. Seriously, do not ask if your bum looks big in this dress unless you're prepared for the truth! Lol

 

[falling_wave]

I think its possible that it could be a freeze reaction if its about something that is stressful to him. Maybe figure out why he feels the need to lie. What is it doing for him and let him know (if you do) that you love him regardless of trying to change the truth but that it is not fair to you and you need to set a limit regarding honesty. Then if it keeps going you have a problem but if he can see that he can show how scared he is and you will still be there, love him, etc. then maybe it will stop.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Could you give an example?

My husband lies a lot but I am not sure if he calls it lying. In some cases he does not want to burden me with the truth and in other cases he does not even realize he is lying.

For example I think that my guy has no idea how long something takes - especially if he is stressed. He will say five minutes but it may take two hours. He thinks that he is accurate like a clock but does not even realize that this is not the case.