Why No Emotion?

[Sideways]

Therapy is exhausting. Getting through the day is exhausting. If you think about it, there are times when you maybe do the same thing?

Like, you come home exhausted from a long crappy day, and sometimes you need to offload. But other times, it's like, "urgh, no, please, just let me switch off and think about nothing..."

The comment about divorce was unhelpful. Many marriages survive ptsd, and it sounds like you two are actually pulling together really well in the circumstances:)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

most vets wind up divorced if they have PTSD

Take the word "vets" out of that sentence and thats what echoes in my head.

This is like any other marriage, PTSD doesnt define us and it doesnt define your marriage! Its gonna take work on both sides, like any other marriage/relationship, you just have this one extra thing to deal with but its no different, both sides need to work on it...and you are and im proud of you for all the work you are putting into this!!!

What id say is the biggest thing for a supporter, be educated. This site is a great way to do that, the sourcebook i posted is amazing for both, google anything you can. There are amazing books about PTSD relationships out there too. But in my opinion, information/education is power. Thats more you "get" and understand and the the more you can help him and the relationship! He shuts down then you'll know when to back away and give him space, he has a flashback you'll start to understand how to ground him, he gets depression and/or suicidal you'll know how to be there for him and lift him up.

When i see supporters on here, I love it because I know that that person cares very much about another person suffering; enough so that they are reaching out to others. That gives me hope that someone some day will care that im suffering. So thank you for caring about a follow sufferer and it seems like you are fighting very hard to keep your relationship together and thats what he needs! I dont doubt for a minute that you guys will come out on the other side together and stronger than ever! :hug:

 

[dnp]

Finding the right therapist is gold. It took me a couple of years to find someone who could help me. I have no emotions because I couldn't tolerate them. They made me suicidal. I still have no emotions but I also don't shut down completely anymore. I consciously work on reaching out to people and building relationships despite not having emotions, instead of automatically shutting people out. But even after I found successful therapy it took months and months and months to get this far. First I had to address my ridiculous panic attacks that were keeping me from leaving the apartment. Then there were a whole bunch of other things to work on. It's a long journey. You have to learn to celebrate making it from step A to step B. It sucks, but when you get to step B it's so much better than it was at step A.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You have to learn to celebrate making it from step A to step B. It sucks, but when you get to step B it's so much better than it was at step A.

Amen to that!

Actually now I learn how to celebrate the tiny crawl between step A and B too! Each inch foward is more of an inch to 'recovery' (which looks different for everyone I believe).

 

[ShanaK]

Thank you guys for the encouragement! It really helps! @lostforgottensoul that was the most absurd thing to me that the therapist said. She told him how spouses generally move on because their emotional needs aren't met so they find someone who does. I was so disappointed that she didn't try to help by giving him some suggestions on how ptsd sufferers stay in a marriage (other than one instance where the husband and wife only see each other a few days a week). And it makes him feel like crap to hear that. But I will say, I truly see the need for a real therapist....not friends who try to give you advice. We are really good friends with our preacher and his wife. He has tried to offer some encouragement by its not in a way that is relatable to my husband and it goes over like a you know what in a punch bowl. To the point he doesn't even want to discuss it with him. But I would just like to say that today so far he is in a great mood! Yesterday he was in a good mood when he got home and genuinely smiling at me and don't yall think that I wasn't acting like a kid at Christmas! So yes! @dnp today I'm celebrating!